Friday, June 16, 2006


Brandon Davis, the ultra-sweaty oil heir and compadre of Paris Hilton, checked himself into rehab for alcohol and cocaine addiction after seeing the video of himself publicly berating Lindsay Lohan and calling her a "firecrotch." Brandon told In Touch magazine yesterday
"Yes, I am checking into rehab. I am on my way right now."
Brandon also confided to a pal that the [Lohan] incident was what prompted him to seek treatment.
"Brandon must have watched that footage a thousand times," his friend says. "He can't believe those words came out of his mouth and realized it was the drugs talking."

So, he's blaming the drugs? I just figured him for a fat, sweaty, spoiled rich kid who enjoys wearing eye makeup and douchebaggery in general. For a doughy fruit sporting liner, he sure has a lot of balls making fun of anyone. Especially anyone with a "seven-foot long clit who smells like diarrhea."

I'll have you know that my clit hangs down to my knees, and it's awesome. It's powerful enough to strangle Brandon Davis, particularly if I've been drinking Kentucky Deluxe and huffing VCR head cleaner all night.

UPDATE: I just found this picture of BD (or should that be DB?) looking really sincere about his apology to Lindsay Lohan. He just gets fatter by the day. I thought coke was supposed to help with that sort of social faux pas.


Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

I would just like to know who in the hell Brandon Davis thinks he is. I mean what the fuck is wrong with having a seven foot long clit? My doctor said it's perfectly normal and it's part of what makes me unique and special. She also said that I smell like diarrhea. Come to think of it, I don't recall seeing any certification on the walls of her carboard box behind the dumpster. Next time I walk by a sign in the alley that says "Obgyn The Doktir is Inn" I'll check their credentials through my insurance company first.

9:34 AM  
Blogger jane's eyre said...

Ha! He looks like Goth Prince Lite, experiencing his monthly bloat. Except he's bloated all the time, so scratch that.

9:56 AM  

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