SPANK CHEEKS

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

DOWN THE KORNHOLE

Lead singer Jonathan Davis of the exceptionally shitty band known as "Korn," has been diagnosed with "immune thrombocytopenic purpura," a rare blood disease that affects the body's ability to stop bleeding. Korn has subsequenly cancelled all tour dates through July 2nd. Davis said to "People Magazine,"
If I continued to headbang on stage, I could have had a brain hemmorage and
dropped dead on the spot.
That's too bad about the headbanging. But I have a brilliant idea that could effectively salvage the remainder of their tour: what if, instead of all the screaming and thrashing and headbanging, Jonathan instead sat demurely on stool, alone in the spotlight, plucking a bass and speaking the lyrics to Korn songs aloud. "Interpretative spoken-word Korn." For example, try this lyric, from 1996's "Cameltosis":
You see this time, I cannot ever never love another, cunt
You trick ass slut, love twice and you'll get fucked.
You see this time, I cannot ever never love another, cunt
You trick ass slut, love twice and you'll get fucked.
Sounds great, doesn't it? Imagine the rest of the band behind him in the background, dressed in black with tambourines and an occasional "high hat." And him in a beret. It just works.

2 Comments:

Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

In the interest of being cool I'm going to start a band called Peaz and I will develop sickle cell anemia.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Macius_Sarcasticus said...

Don't have a Thrombo baby. Yeaaaaah. Do I make you horny?

Someone needs to take this douche on a day trip to the Museum of Pointy Objects.

7:39 PM  

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