SPANK CHEEKS

Friday, June 16, 2006

FINGER QUOTES ARE FOR FAT PEOPLE


In case you didn't catch Dateline's Britney Spears interview last night: it was pretty much like Hee-Haw, only without a laugh track. She mostly snapped her chewing gum and made finger quotation marks incorrectly, and every five minutes or so, they'd flash up a bunch of old pictures of her looking hot. I had actually forgotten that Britney Spears was ever attractive. The quick pan from the sexy pictures back to her sitting there, with flesh spilling out of her bra and her skirt and the armholes of her top, was enough to make you actually recoil in your seat. It was the same physical reaction that I had upon seeing that "my ex-husband set me on fire" guest on Maury. With all that Vince Neal-esque hair, and her false eyelashes coming unglued, and the gum cracking and popping -- the ugly just grabbed you by the balls and punched you right in the face.

The best part was the overabundant finger-quotation marks. She made them no less than four times, and always on the wrong word, or where they weren't needed at all. It was awesome. Oh, and she cried at some point, and got all snotty and blubbery and then wiped her nose on her hand. That was pretty awesome, too.

If I thought "finger quotations" were gay before, I must now declare them dead to me, and mandate that they are only to be used by fat girls from this day forward. Here are some shots of all four of the finger quotes, as punishment.

thanks to the hella dope http://www.dlisted.blogspot.com/ for the pictures

8 Comments:

Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

Well, at least she has large breasts. I mean, this is America, right? So therefore her large breasts redeem her, right? Right???

4:02 PM  
Blogger jane's eyre said...

Love the "quotes" pics.

A lady in my office does the "quotes" thing, but she puts her hands about level with her head, and SAYS, Quote Quote, at the same time. Takes a bit of coordination to get those two in sync. Brilliant, really.

4:58 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Hey Jane, if I worked with her, I think I'd punch her lights out.

8:42 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

For a second there, I felt sorry for Britney, but now I am OVER it.

11:39 PM  
Blogger LiV said...

I noticed that she kept using the quote also. I also get very annoyed when people do that, especially if they don't know how to use them or what they're talking about.

12:21 AM  
Blogger jane's eyre said...

Oh ladyjane, ...you have NO idea. This is ONE of many irritating quirks this little 4'11", poodle-haired lady has. I could write pages. Pages. Be so very grateful yo DON'T work with her.

4:35 PM  
Blogger Jim McKee said...

Britney is still highly doable.

8:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can take the big fat, pregnant girl out of the trailer ...

4:53 PM  

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