SPANK CHEEKS

Sunday, June 11, 2006

HEATH LEDGER IS A GIANT PUSS


Playing a queer cowboy in last year's critically acclaimed "Brokeback Mountain" wasn't such a stretch for Aussie actor Heath Ledger. He was recently reported to have sold his house and moved to the States because the local paparazzi constantly harrassed and made fun of him. Heath's father, Kim, tells The Sydney Daily Telegraph Newspaper that his son "burst into tears" after the paparazzi soaked him with waterguns at the Australian premire of "Brokeback Mountain." Kim adds
He had to go in the cinema and introduce the film soaking wet. He cried
all night. He rang me and said "Dad, that's it -- sell the house."
Three days later, Heath relocated to New York with wife Michelle and daughter Matilda.

WHAT A FREAKIN' PUSS. Seriously. He was probably the kid who always cried and tattled when you poured Liquid Paper down his shirt in middle school. If Heath wants to avoid limiting his roles to "gay only" and being typecast as an effeminate cowboy, he should start by not sobbing like a little girl when he gets sprayed with a water gun. It's not like they were chucking balloons filled with paint or pig hearts at him -- it was water, for Christ's sake.

An easy way for male celebrities to avoid such pansy-ass pitfalls is to stop and ask themselves, "What would Russell Crowe do in this situation?" WWRD. The answer is always, "The manliest, most testosterone-driven impulse that comes to mind." Smash them in the head with a telephone, punch them in the face, use lots of swears -- whatever it takes to get assault charges filed against you. Nobody is ever going to accuse Russell Crowe of being a puss. An ass, maybe, but not a puss.

3 Comments:

Blogger ZeZe said...

I would imagine the pussyness started with a father named Kim.
Theres no going up from there.

5:38 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

I'd fuck him.

6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you happen to see the movie, he wasn't an effeminate cowboy. I get pretty sick of intollerance myself.

12:23 PM  

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