SPANK CHEEKS

Saturday, June 10, 2006

LINDSAY LOHAN LIKES THE BLOW

I suppose the news about Lindsay Lohan taking six bathroom breaks during the CFDA awards is "old hat" by now. It's not like anyone ever believed "asthma" and "stress" were responsible for morphing her body into the perpetually red-eyed skeleton it is today. Everybody already knows that Lindsay likes her blow. I'm sure you're thinking, "So what if Lindsay likes to 'powder her nose'? So what if she sniffs her way through every televised interview she's ever done? I hate that dumb cooze and hope she dies in a fire." You heartless bastards.

Anyway, I bribed the Lohan's cleaning lady with $40 and half a bottle of "Wild Irish Rose" and scored a page from Lindsay's own personal diary After reading the excerpt below, I discovered that Lindsay actually does have a good reason for her cocaine fetish. Ten good reasons, to be precise. This is from page 62, dated 7/12/05:


MY TOP TEN REASONS FOR DOING COKE

10. Who wants to piss away an entire night SLEEPING?

9. It makes my gums feel funny.

8. I want superhuman powers akin to Kate Moss'.

7. My money's not going to just spend itself, you
know!

6. Those 5 a.m. interviews on the Today show.

5. It takes stout Colombian drugs to mask my insecurity and
feelings of worthlessness. Okay, whatever! Who wants a blowjob?

4. Compulsive shopping's more fun with a buzz. Like, $9,000 more
fun.

3. It helps "burn" the image of Wilmer's disgusting uncircumcised
hornet from my brain.

2. Everybody knows eating is for fat girls.

1. Herbie: Fully Loaded was the apex of my career; it's
all down hill from there.


I think there were also some hearts and curliques and a "Lindsay + Wilmer = Tru Luv 4Ever" scribbled at the bottom. I don't really remember. By the time I got through Lindsay's list, the Irish Rose caught up with me, and I ended up puking all over the diary page and the housekeeper. I do remember hearing some Mexican swear words and falling down a couple of times before security came and escorted me off the Lohan property.

5 Comments:

Blogger spankcheeks said...

Hi spank

10:08 AM  
Blogger pete mclochness said...

looks like she is about to sneeze.

11:23 AM  
Blogger pete mclochness said...

Hope you're having a good day spanky.

11:24 AM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

She likes the blow and she likes to blow.

6:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She does look ah..mature,as in old!

5:25 PM  

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