SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

PARIS HILTON IS THE DEVIL


Well, I'm pretty sure Paris Hilton is the antichrist. I suspected it all along, but have only recently stumbled upon irrefutable proof. If this picture alone isn't enough to convince you, allow me to elaborate:

1. If you assign numerical values 1-26 to the letters of the alphabet, with a=1 and z=26, something "interesting" occurs with Paris' name. The sum of the letters in "Paris Hilton" is 141. The sum of the letters in "Tinkerbell," her evil minion, is 108. By adding the two numbers together, you arrive upon the sum 327. Multiplying this number by 2 (number of veneral diseases Paris is currently carrying) you arrive at 654. Finally, tally in her IQ, 12, and the numbers total -- you guessed it --- 666. The mark of the beast.

2. I watched One Night in Paris last week, and her eyes glowed like the devil's the entire time. It might have been the night-vision camera, or maybe the three hits of acid I'd taken, but it was still pretty fuckin' scary.

3. Only the truly soul-less park in spaces designated for the handicapped.

4. I caught an epidsode of The Simple Life, and halfway through it, I stood up and pissed in the floor. Then my head spun around, I said something in Latin, and threw up all this pea soup -- only, all I'd eaten that day was a bag of Doritos's and some gummy worms. Not pea soup. Pretty weird, huh?

At any moment I expect to see the moon to turn to blood and the four horsemen of the apocalypse emerging on the horizon. I think that a stake to her heart or a maybe vat of hydrochloric acid could save us, but I'm not getting anywhere near that vagina.

230 Comments:

Blogger jane's eyre said...

HEY! You're outpacing me in the photo skillz.

6:32 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

What the fuck, sweet cheeks??? I am krisdylee, email me and find out for sure, I do NOT want to go thru that create a blog thing AGAIN.... I just thought I'd use HotLadyJane for my handle, because, it was originally what I wanted, but I fucked up on the SF....
FUCK!
Post my entries or fuck you and your sweet Cunty McCunterson attitude....

I love you.

8:34 PM  
Blogger Tranny and/or Zanna said...

Cheeks' it is Tranny. Have I mentioned recently that I fuckin love you in a weird cousin to cousin type way? Cause that shit was funny, and I know you are married. so I will merely slap it against a goddamn tree or som-thin


Kris, give me a ring.

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Blogger LadyJane said...

That's more like it.....

Tranny, I'll give you a ring anytime....

and by that I mean cock ring...

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7:50 PM  

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