SPANK CHEEKS

Friday, June 30, 2006

STAR JONES HATES AMERICA

Star Jones Reynolds used Larry King as a mouthpiece last night to beg the Godmother not to put a hit out on her and to admit to surgically binding her stomach in order to lose weight. People magazine reports
[Star said]"I will not denigrate Ms. Walters. I have learned from that woman ... as much about television as I did about the law from my mentor, the late Johnnie Cochran." [When asked] whether she'd had surgery to lose 150 lbs... she said only, "Because of my health … I needed a full-scale medical intervention, and my doctors had to step in to save my life."
So Rosie O'Donell was right? That poem she put on her website about Star having surgery was actually a haiku of truth and not the prosaic rantings of a fat lesbian?

I have such an equally proportioned hatred for the both of them. It's like trying to choose sides between the Taliban or the Bath Party. You just hope everybody involved dies in a rain of fire from the sky. And then maybe a majestic bald eagle could swoop by overhead, with an American flag clutched in one talon and a blonde with big fake boobs in the other, circling over a crowd eating apple pie and playing football and and chanting U-S-A! U-S-A!

14 Comments:

Anonymous ZeZe said...

Star has the kind of eyes that Im just not... so... sure which one to look at. They are popped out and beady like a little rat.
And her heavy eye shadow totally plays them up too. Bad move Star. Bad move. You beady eyed little wench.

3:54 PM  
Anonymous biatcho said...

Staw Jones is a dead woman.

3:55 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

I think her face is a living (sort of) version of Ramses' mummy.

I want her to start belching flies. That would be so rad.

4:29 PM  
Anonymous spongeboob said...

I'd pick the taliban over Star Jones any day of the week.

4:50 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Now I see what black people mean by the term "ashy."

Is it wrong to comment on your own blog? It can't be wrong if it feels so damn right!

7:43 PM  
Anonymous meg said...

That's not Star ... that's Al Roker in drag. Didnt you notice the big head and chicken neck?

Get with the program people!

8:37 PM  
Anonymous smellypiratehooker said...

Al Roker is waaayy prettier than that shriveled up ashy chicken neck hag.

9:00 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

spankycheeks, I love it, comment your little pink taco and heart out.

I love you. Truly.

11:58 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Babba Wawa vs. Moon Smith. Even before the Moon had lost it's fat, I'd still pick Babba to win. Every time!

1:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet on Baba to win the Kentucky Derby. I lost a lot of fucking money.

9:14 AM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

see, she had to lose the weight for her own health because she was so huge her gravitional pull was sucking in midgets and small animals. this was of course very dangerous, because there's nothing more dangerous than a midget with a ferret in his pocket.

hey cheeks, it was YOUR idea for me to finish that bottle of tequila!

seriously, she was a LAWYER? i'll just bet she learned some interesting things from johnnie cochran. twit.

6:13 PM  
Anonymous naughtius maximus said...

Bunny--If your clothes don't fit, you must aquit...or get gastric bypass surgury.

America hates Star Jones. She'll probably have a special place reserved for her in Hell, right between JFK and Johnny Cochran.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous dsquared said...

... and Paris Hilton.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

heh, heh
clothes don't fit...
i bow to thee....

4:38 AM  

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