SPANK CHEEKS

Thursday, June 15, 2006

THE UGLIES ARE TAKING OVER

This seems to be a record-breaking week for uglies. And for gays. People magazine has named American Idol winner Taylor Hicks as their "#1 hottest bachelor." Also making the list is confirmed-gay Ryan Seacrest, possible-gay Kenny Chesney, and uber-ugly Owen Wilson.

You know, if I want to see a bunch of unattractive men, I'll just head down to the homeless shelter and start asking for autographs. Not waste $3.99 on an issue of People magazine. Hollywood is only supposed to expose me to things airbrushed and plastic -- how else am I going to stay motivated to vomit four or five times a day? What about my Tinsle-Town fueled need to binge-eat and then drop laxatives "like they're hot"? I expect a certain level of unreality from celebrity magazines, and People has really dropped the ball with this one. If you'll excuse me now, there's a toilet with my name on it, and my molars aren't just going to erode by themselves.


Thanks to the uber-hot Sonya for the lead

4 Comments:

Blogger jane's eyre said...

Aww, I LIKE Owen Wilson.

6:29 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

$5.99 Canadian.. whatta rip....

8:30 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Ugly nose aside, I bet Owen is great in the sack....

10:06 PM  
Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

I am so tired of ugly people. Seriously, can't you all just move to some island so I don't have to look at your ugly faces anymore? So gross...

9:57 AM  

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