SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

ZACH BRAFF AND MANDY MOORE "ON THE ROCKS"


Us Weekly is reporting that it's "splitsville" for actor Zach Braff and singer Mandy Moore. Braff was rumored to have been vying for Jessica Simpson's attention last week at Hyde in West Hollywood, and a source close to the couple claims that
There was no drama. Mandy was young when they got together, and she wanted to see what's out there, now that she's a woman. Zach was mature and decided to let her do that.
The glaringly obvious reason for the breakup is that Mandy is attractive and Zach is not. In psychology, it's a theory known as "the matching hypothesis." The simple science behind it states if you're way uglier than your partner, your odds of having a successful relationship are staggeringly low. Of course, they use some big words like "inversely proportional" and "comparative attractiveness," instead of "way uglier" and "splitsville." And they have a graph and a pie chart.

Bottom line: if you're ugly, find an ugly spouse if you want a lifetime of happiness. Best example: Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman. Another, not-so-successful example: Rachel Hunter and Rod Stewart; Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel; Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovet. Uglies belong together, away from us beautiful people, where they will eventually be relegated to the bowels of the city and underground sewers and feed on their own young. Social Darwinism at its finest. I don't make the rules, folks. Science does.

1 Comments:

Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

first!

10:57 AM  

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