SPANK CHEEKS

Friday, July 21, 2006

COVER THAT SHIT UP

All you loyal "spankees" know that I have tirelessly campaigned against the Hollywood trend of costuming middle-aged starlets in bosom-revealing frocks. I have fought the good fight, and championed my cause with as much loudness and public intoxication permitted by law; despite my fervor, however, it seems that "ugly old women in slutty clothes" still plague our streets. Everywhere I look, it's Teri Hatcher in a bikini and Susan Sarandon oozing out of her dress, while Nicollette Sheridan's old lady nipples simultaneously squirm out of their flourescent lycra restraints. It's digusting, indecent, obscene -- and above all, OLD.

You shouldn't have to see something so foul without fair warning. I learned my lesson with the general response to the crotch-shot of Wonky Eye Hilton. And also, I couldn't post any pictures if I wanted to, because MACs suck that way. So, if you're up for it, and have some smelling salts handy and a basin for the inevitable vomit, then take a gander at this photo of Paula Abdul's teats in a completely unacceptable dress. You'll probably want to write you senator or congressman and get something done about this. Remember, they may be technically "citizens of the United States" and "human beings," but they are also "old" and "saggy."

141 Comments:

Anonymous Dragulf said...

Isn't Paula crazy or something?

11:27 AM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

Good god, her tits look like a fucking Rorschach test. (Shudder) Even MC Scat Cat wouldn't have sex with her these days.

11:43 AM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Jeebus it looks like rigor mortis set in 12 years ago. Old isnt even the word for her.
She looks retched. And well drunk.
Nothing like a dress that excentuates all your terrible features..
"Hmm I feel like I want to show off my belly pooch, and my hideous indented floppy boobies today.
Ahh girls, you look disgusting. Thats it thats the perfect dress. I feel Ugly. Wait remember Paula, dont forget to slouch."

12:11 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

your mac is being petulant because it knows you hate it.
speak softly to it and gently rub the key board.

if this doesn't help, i suggest you get your folks to upgrade......

i've got a 20+ year old apple 2 that still works to it's capacity. aw, but i love my macs!

4:45 PM  
Anonymous easy e said...

You love you Macs? That sounds like commie talk to me...


Maybe Paula was viciously attacked with an ice-cream scoop.

5:37 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

easy--
i've worked with more types of computers than i care to think about. i have the constant argument w/ my brother "i don't want a toy, i want a computer". 'tis BS.

you'd be amazed at the companies that do use the mac as their primary desktop.

DH has a MS in computer science. and we're old people (by most of the standards of the sites i frequent). and that's TMI, i know.

i can do anything on my mac...ANYTHING, plus all the built in anti-viral shit.




i'm sorry. i really am a nice person (everybody say "awwwwwww") . but the arguement gets old. my favorite mac was the original "clamshell". and i love this one. and the other 14 or so we have hanging around.
we're thinking about opening a museum.
and i haven't had a commie thought since....uh...maybe the last time i bought vodka?
good times.
LOL! everybody have a great weekend!

8:05 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

I still have my 300 baud modem. It doesn't mean it's good. Mac's SUCK!

11:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God Lord! What the fuck happened to her?

In this moment, I finally realized that all of the talent from American Idol is backstage... Paula's crew. They make her look damn good for TV.

Maybe they dont pay her enough to flirt with 18-26yr olds so she has to live the 'poor' life and buy from flea (infested) markets for vintage frocks.

12:29 AM  
Anonymous jesus said...

When the fuck will you be back for real? Moved in, off vacation, away from communist computers, the works? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!

8:44 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Serious 'Spankcheek' withdrawals. Getting the shakes... starting to see purple monkeys.

11:45 AM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Was I correct as to hear a voicemail being set up on the spankcheeks line?
If so. you have mail.
If not somebody totally stole your number..
Or you changed it in an attempt to avoid me. hmmm *finger to chin in attempt to ponder*

10:06 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

no point in getting into the mac arguement. we all love what we love.

moving on, cheekers, if you need help w/ that, lemme know.

geez, it's so nice and quiet over here. y'all come join me in the spa... bring your own jager....
hahahahahaha!

SERIOUSLY, how is the move going? FL to VA is more than i can even fathom.

1:32 AM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

seeking one with a way with words...

7:50 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

You know me.

7:58 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

This is weird. If I knew you were B.......er. I would have molested you here a loooooong time ago. This code shit is going to confuse the hell out of cheeks if she ever reads this. Welcome to the rabbit hole cheeks. How fun. (SQEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE)

8:01 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

well, i've only been here a short time. i knew jane was here, of course, but i never would have put C-J together w/ hopeless.
sometimes life is just too much fun.
do you hail from the same general territory as jane and i?

poor 'cheeks. like she doesn't have enough worries!

i'm thinking maybe we shouldn't be monopolizing message boards w/ our BS.
think this is a safe spot to swap email addys?

8:09 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Tmonte44@hotmail.com

Have to go. Will write soon. You are a riot. Don't kill me cheeks. Come back soon. Hope I didn't spell anything wrong.

8:16 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

oh, yeah. paula's tits suck. seriously, that is some SCARY ribcage.

my day is now complete.

8:29 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Yoiks, last time I saw titties like that, it was in a National Geographic about the Zulu women....

8:47 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Oh ho, so that's you, fluffy rodent cuddler. And I remember you linking your site before on the fish, cock-ninja. Great big squeezy squeezums!

11:41 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Behold, A Pale Horse.

Welcome to the rabbit hole Jane. My identity has been revealed. Only a matter of time.

Jane, I posted here before the Fish and I followed the Fish before Cheeks had her site, but I didn't want to post there until I understood what was up with it. I still have no clue what is up with that site, esp. lately.

As far as 'Spanks' goes, her site is much more cozy like a nice cabin in the woods with a lot of booze, laughs and fornication... have always found sweetcheeks to be a big squeezy fun fun... that is until she left the picture of Paris' -vage- up for what was it 40 days and 40 nights. (grrrr... *crinkles forehead* hard to forgive that one) but can't be upset with her for long she's too 'sweet' and she gives a great spanking.

I've always liked your posts here and on the fish. (Still waiting for my basket of knick-knacks.)

Evil Bunny figured it out. I can't believe I didn't figure out she was evil bunny. Quoting Jan Brady, "Groooooooovy."

XOXOXOX
Ninja,

p.s sorry for molesting you and bunny yesterday.

Spanks, I hope your head doesn't explode after reading this!

THE FALCON HAS LANDED!

12:27 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Maybe her Mac exploded.

Moving on, Xtina looking good and Shitney is white trash. It's raining and I want cheetos.

Have a nice long day!

12:50 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

CJ, I emailed you. Did you get it? I like it here too. What would make it even better would be IF CHEEKS CAME BACK AND STARTED POSTING AGAIN. She's going be be all, WTF? when she comes back and there are like 100 comments here. Troll free is the way to be.

So would you like the angel made out of corn husks, or the smiling rabbit door-draft pillow?

1:15 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

what was there to figure out? i mean you pretty much told me....
i've got WAY too much time on my hands, i guess.
defintely enjoy being here. its my "happy place". okay, this and the liquor cabinet.

maybe poor 'cheeks got one of those evil macs, and she's been taken over like cartman and the "trapper keeper".
come back, o cheeky one!

2:29 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

btw, cj, i, too emailed you yesterday. did you get it? and i'm pretty sure i can speak for jane on this one:
you can molest us anytime. separately or together, jane's choice!
hee hee!

2:37 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Janey got your e-m loved it. surprised me. troll free zone lmao. I wonder if trollio can steal my 'nick here' too?

Just read the Lohan thread from yesterday, the troll has no clue where we are hiding. 48, 51, 52, 53 were not form me. The poem confused me, I doubt it was you but if it was next time... ummm!

Bunny, Uh. I'm afraid he's got our number. Sorry about that. My comments toward you may be sexual at times, but the troll is a downright rude ass. And no my new code word is not "cornhole". Also, I'm not really sure when the troll is stealing your identity. Jane seems pretty good at spotting the fake. Woot Woot.

Spanks. have not forgotten you. But are you floating in a river somewhere?-- and if you're not going to put up anything new... ummm... is it o.k. if we use your blog as a hide-out? Probably should have asked sooner. If you'd been following the Fish this past week you would probably understand why there are a bunch of us hiding in your closet playing with your old toys and trying on your clothes. If you hear giggling don't be alarmed it's just us your loyal pals, and
--you don't happen to have a silk camisole in here someplace, uh, wait, nevermind... stop tickling me bunny... aaaaiiiiiiieee.

Ninja

Green Lantern

2:49 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Bunny, did not get your E-mail, unless it was the one that read, "This Pump Guaranteed to...."
I may have accidentally deleted it. Sorry. Send me another if you get the chance so I can get your e-mail and EM ya sometime, but it's kinda fun hangin' with you and others' in Spanks closet...
big squeeeeeeze, aren't I cute in this camisole? and Jane are you going to marry that bottle of Drambouie or can I have a sip?

Ninja

2:59 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Spanks, sorry we swiped your bottle of Drambouie, it was the dustiest bottle in you liquor cabinet and it still had a bow on it. It was either that or the Creme De Menthe; not that it wouldn't be fun if we all had green lips, but Janey says it makes her nautious.

3:08 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

"...bunch of us hiding in your closet playing with your old toys and trying on your clothes. If you hear giggling don't be alarmed..."

LOL, I love it! CJ, forward my email address to buns when you get hers. I don't want to post it even here, in the dust bunny santuary. I almost can sense trolls snuffling at the door.

3:13 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Will do Janey. Rather the trolls attacked my e-mail than what they've been doing to me at the Fish. Wondering what posts they are going to come up with today, for me, if they haven't all ready. Been too busy to check it out, have not posted at all there today.

P.s. Cheeks is going to kill you for getting Drambouie on her sunday dress!

ninja

5:29 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

oh, damn, ninj! now cheeks is going to know who stole her easy-bake oven! ixnay on the oset-clay!

seriously, honey, i knew that crap wasn't you. a little verbal slap and tickle is one thing, i don't get why the trolls are so nasty. if either of you really knew me, you'd recognze an imposter faster than you can say "troll" . i really haven't been over there today, i tried to post to something and couldn't, so i said screw it. i only know of one time it posed as me, but it harasses you and janey (hi, jane. won't call you janey if you don't like it, force of habit). no worries here.

i may have a way for y'all to get mail to me...
use my ebay acct. sure, i can get harrased on ebay, but i know the security tricks.
look for booze-in-the-blender. you can contact me anonymously, it will come to my email, and no one should be the wiser. no ebay account? perfectly understandable with all these fun toys in cheek's closet.

ooooh! what is that? a flashlight? WAIT, YOU GUYS, PUT THAT DOWN!! WE DON'T KNOW WHERE ITS BEEN!!!

and dear, dear cheeks, thanks for letting us use you as a go between. it means a lot.

hugs to all involved here!

6:34 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

know what?
here:

mendi@biteme.org

seriously.

damn, cj, those shoes look FABULOUS on you!!

6:36 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Crying laughing.

Wow. The shadow of my pee pee looks really big on the wall when you shine that flashlight on it Bunny. Look, I can make it jump. ***wee wee wee***

These brownies are delicious Buns. Hey look speaking of brownies it's 'cheeks' old 'Brownie' outfit.

(((The shadow is getting bigger.)))

This is too fun, Cheeks is gonna kill us. Jane trade ya these shoes for that dress.


Ninj

7:10 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

oh, man, LEG WARMERS!! i haven't seen those since i was, uh, uh,
oh LOOK! a pair for each of us! ninj, those plaid ones will look awesome with those roller skates!

anybody want these "mork" suspenders??


i absolutely have to have a drink. did you guys finish the drambuie?
i'm serious. HAPPY HOUR!!!

(what in the HELL is she going to think when she gets back here? oh well. i distinctly remember a couple of weeks ago her complaining about nobody posting....
be careful what you wish for, 'cheeks!)

7:26 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

dunno what's wrong with this flashlight. i turn it on and it just vibrates.

7:28 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Gimme that flashlight. Hmmmm. It does vibrate, and look it glows in the dark. Silly, it's not a flashlight it's an egg beater.

Did I spell Drambuie wrong too? Dang.

Signing off.

You are all incredible fun. See ya's tomorrow.

Ninj

8:05 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

"Mork" suspenders. Too much.

8:07 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

jane, doesn't it worry you a little that you're in the closet with a cock-ninja and an evil bunny?

*sigh*

me, too, i'm out. too much sun yesterday i fear.

watch the wire hangers on your way out, kiddies.

XOXO

8:46 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

HAHA! i'm a dork. total freudian slip.

"me, too, i'm out."'

no question about it...WWWWAAAAAAAAAAYYYY too
much sun!!

let's see if we can get our emails all straightened out before the weekend. would love if tranny and vanna want to come play........

once again, thanks to our lovely hostess.
and my hopless (you're always going to be hopless to me, unless you possibly have a real name)
check your email again, and the one i left here (ahem) is truly, actually my mail. or we can try the ebay idea. i fought too long to get my email set up as is, so it's not like i'm going to change it. i DO have a completely un-finished website, but i'm not to let that one get leaked out the the assholes on SF. AND it needs work, AND DH is the webmaster. his overtime is way suckage, and even what he put in needs some correcting. and he's supposed to be the smart one!

once again, my apologies to the lovely ms. spankers for allowing us to use your blog.
'nite again!

11:45 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Sweet! Legwarmers, a vibrating flashlight (is that like those vibrating "Vibrance" razors?), booze, and good friends. I NEVER want to come out of the closet. Hee hee! Buns, I emailed you on eBay, I see you really ARE serious about that being your real email. "Biteme.org"? That's priceless.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Sweet! Legwarmers, a vibrating flashlight (is that like those vibrating "Vibrance" razors?), booze, and good friends. I NEVER want to come out of the closet. Hee hee! Buns, I emailed you on eBay, I see you really ARE serious about that being your real email. "Biteme.org"? That's priceless.

10:09 AM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Sweet! Legwarmers, a vibrating flashlight (is that like those vibrating "Vibrance" razors?), booze, and good friends. I NEVER want to come out of the closet. Hee hee! Buns, I emailed you on eBay, I see you really ARE serious about that being your real email. "Biteme.org"? That's priceless.

10:09 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Cutey cute bunny might be taking the day off from cyber-world. My head has been reeling lately I can probably use a break too. I usually don't post on the weekend so that will be good. I'm sure I'll miss you guys.

Janey you are about to realize that you have been a victim of an incredibly well planned ruse. Please don't be upset with me, you know how much I truly do admire you. And no I am not the troll, it's better than that. I think.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Okay, I am officially freaked out.

12:04 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

You will find out soon. Don't be mad.

12:06 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

It better not be anything mean, I won't ever share the Drambuie again.

P.S.
Sorry for the triple post, the server was doing something weird.

12:22 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Janey, where are you?

Is she under the bed? nope.
...................
...................

Is she behind the door? nope.
..............
......
Is she in the.........
Aha.... There you are.........

2:45 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

*throws fuzzy bunny slipper at your head*

You totally suck!

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

You Hannoush you! And suck MY balls! ;p
Spanks, hurry back! These three are using your closet without you in it! Make them come out!

4:07 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

awwwwe Janey

Welcome to the underground world of geekdom.

Here's a stuffed monkey to cheer you up.

@(".")@

Monkey wants to give you a smoochie smooch.

4:08 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Fine, but only if it's a helper monkey.

5:06 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

@('.')@

Your very own helper monkey.

He can:

Vacuum.
Pick up laundry.
Load the dishwasher.
Scour the tub.
Mow the lawn
and make a wicked Jager Bomb
oh yeah, he can sew too.

His favorite food is corn dogs.

I picked him up from a farsi speaking sno cone vendor from
Dubai :0

Be careful though sometimes he sneaks up on you when your sleeping and humps the fuck out of you ear. And he has this strange affinity for grenade launchers.

ninj

5:55 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Maybe that's where I got my sinus infection.

6:24 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Hey..check it out..Hannoush is in the house!

8:27 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

is hannoush in here, in the closet with us? it is feeling a little tighter... who the hell is hannoush? i joined this game way too late!


shit, janey, i think your monkey just did something naughty to me.
nope, i'm wrong it's just ninj.
maybe there never was a real monkey.....

janey, i really gotta know...wtf is the background on that psycho banana? what's the deal with her pissing on YOU all the time??
i can't hang around and play tonight, just let me know if i miss any good stuff. oh, and just before i signed out, lameass posted as me. gee, i feel lucky.

11:13 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Bunny,

Lamebananas is a troll we do NOT feed on the Fish.
Hannoush is a camel loving sno-cone salesman that T&Z are having a war with on their website. (hehe)
Now get back in here and bring the condiments!

1:38 AM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Well, me and lameassbananas go back a bit. I don't even know how it started, I think it was saying really ridiculously stupid stuff, and I (like everyone else) had a few good laughs at its expense. I don't know how it happened that it decided that I wass the only one picking on it, but it started directing a lot of its nonsense to me, which I returned with enthusiasm. But for some reason it got obsessed with me, and apparently googled my screen name (I had a different one then), and found that I had linked my myspace page to my Fish name. And then it came on, and acting like it had found out a big secret, announced in usual banana form (all caps) that I lived in San Bernardino and that meant I was ghetto trash, and it all made sense now, blah blah blah. And I think it was then that he started switching into his alter-ego, Whipper-willow. Oh, you should've seen it. Bizarre. But they together tried to get everyone to think that I am dirt poor, had my son because I couldn't afford birth control, had gangbangers all over the place, etc. On and on and on. That's all that he could write about. It got to the point that I'd be minding my own business, and he'd come on, not even to post anything about the story, just to bash me. And trying to logically argue and point out what a hypocrite he was impossible. Most everyone tried it. And then he started posting under my name. It was, to my knowledge, the first time anyone had did that. So I decided to change my screen name, and told everyone that if they cared to know what it was, to contact me via myspace. So what does lamebananas do? That's right, makes up a fake myspace as a girl, messages me that she wants to know my new screen name because she enjoys reading my posts, so I told her/him. (I had gotten quite a few people messaging me, so it wasn't suspicious. This was when there weren't as many people on the board.) So that's pretty much it, and he hasn't let up since. Weird, huh?

9:05 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

DRAGULF!!!! ZANNA!!!! Come on in. If we take 'cheeks' mattress and box spring and turn them sideway's next to the closet and put her NEW Down comforters on top it's like her room is a giant fort. There we go. Bunny's making brownies. We're out of Drambuie, but that's o.k, because Janey's monkey whips up Jager Bombs every 5 minutes... the next round should be coming up soon. Monkey looks cute with the make-up Bunny put on him from the box she found on Cheeks night stand. So, come on in the more the merrier.

Ninj

10:23 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Janey and Bunny I think the party is moving downstairs. Zanna brought over her portable stripper pole she kept from doing impromptu gigs at the 'Foxy Lady', Krisdylee is all ready breaking it in, you should see her spin and twirl her red nipple tassles, and she's incorporated the monkey in her act. (I'm not sure she intended to, but she was doing this upside down thing on the pole and the monkey jumped on her head and started humping her ear. Hannoush has fired up his 6 foot hookah 'The Annihilator' and he and Ita-Lion Stallion are in the corner toking away, stallion stroking his meat-pole and Hannoush babbling lines from I think 'Monty Python's Holy Grail' he keeps saying, "Some people call me Tim." I have all these fifties I found under the mattress that I flipped over earlier, so if you want come downstairs. Woot Woot.

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony... so,

SUCK MY HOOKAH!"

5:14 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

swear to god, the monkey did his own make-up. and mine.
i've been too busy with these mothballs....

such pretty colors! and trying to get this.....thing.....ohfffftpt....
oh, dammit it's one of those cheap ass inflatable light sabers. hmmm. inflatable....

i'll get back to y'all tomorrow...............

1:32 AM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Lord, I am Hung-fucking-Over.....

Great party guys... But anyone know why my ear is all sticky???

11:51 AM  
Anonymous zanna said...

Ladyjane you got monkey pubes stuck to the side of your face, fyi.

3:45 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

whew, is that all it is....

thought for a minute I had some weird growth of hair that I'd have to wax for the rest of my life...

yep, good times, guys, good times....

8:16 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

show me the way to go home
i'm tired and i wanna got to bed,
i....had a little drink about an hour ago and it went right to my head.
WHEREVER I WILL ROAM (boom,boom,boom)
etc. etc.

this a party i never want to leave. i'm sure if we dig deep enough, we'll find more fun stuff in her closet!

alright, now, who's dragulf and anonymous??
i swear to god, if i'm drinking, i need to know who i'm drinking with. and for god's sake. would somebody put a diaper on this monkey??? geez, what does it take around hear?

12:57 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Ummm... guys, there's a camel in the driveway wearing a sombrero, carrying an Uzi and a Rocket-Launcher, don't get to close to him he ((Loogey'd)) on me when I walked by, anyone have a towel?



*****Monkey seen in the background ears alert... head moving swiftly from side to side*******

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY LITTLE CHICA! Yes, I'm afraid she is a ((Spitter)) but I'm working on it.


****Monkey makes a beeline past Zanna and Krisdy heading toward the driveway.******

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Are you sure that camel isn't Hannoush's other car? I don't care, I'm gonna put a bumper sticker on it that says, 'my other car is a habib van"

9:53 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

ummm... does anyone have a backgroung in Monkey Psychology? He's in the driveway... ummm with the 'Rocket Launcher' and ummm... he's pointing it a Spanks' bedroom window.

He has this very eerie grin that's kinda spooky given Bunnyhugger's choice of rally red lipstick and strato blue mica eye shadow.

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

O.K. Whoever put the sticker on my little Chica's ass can SUCK MY HOOKAH!!!!

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Bimbo The Monkey said...

kiiiiiich kich kiiiiiiich kich
kiiiiiiich kich kich kich
kich kich kich kiiiiiich
kich kich kiiiiiiich
kich kiiiiiiiich

11:11 AM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Good luck getting that sticker off your camel. That's the kind of glue you have to scrape off with a razor. neener neener neeeeeeeeeener!

12:19 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

The camel will end up having a nicely waxed little patch of ass. Maybe you could open up a camel-waxing business.

12:33 PM  
Anonymous Tranny said...

Am I late for the orgy? cause I brought an Assorted Flavor pack of edible lube. Let's find Cheeks undies and hang em' from the ceiling fan, we can try to toss bottle caps into them! Ooh, wait, with an ass like that she probably has g-strings, won't work. Anyway, I got a case of vodka some Red Bull, and Boulder Counties finest....uh, oregano. Yeah, it's oregano.

12:59 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Tranny, you don't happen to have cherry flavor do ya?

1:50 PM  
Anonymous Hannoush said...

Tranny, you don't happen to have 'Camel's Cock' flavor do ya?

1:52 PM  
Anonymous zanna said...

Jane..why stop at a patch when we could give the camel a brazilian wax...oh, that is going to look SO offensive. I love it.

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Dear gods, It's the invasion of the camel humper. Someone please tell that fool he can't park there! Asphalt and concrete doesn't need fertilizer.
Tranny, did ya bring any whiskey? Corndogs and condiments? I'll take 3!

2:33 PM  
Anonymous Hannoush said...

Oh my little chica, what have they done to your beautiful stinky fur? But wait, the way it is so finely shaved around your... it is getting 'noushi' all excited. Oh my princess yes it is so smooth... let me just climb up her and... ohhh yes, that is good my chica, ooooh oooo oooo ooooo ooooo ooo
O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O
ASTAFALAH AZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!!!!

2:53 PM  
Anonymous Bimbo The Monkey said...

@(-.-)@

KIIIIIIICH KICH KIIIIIIIICH KIIIIIIIIIIIIICH KICH KICH
KIIIICH KIIIIICH KICH KICH
KICH.

2:57 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

*barfs on the monkey, clogging the rocket launcher*

2:57 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

I agree Bimbo that was incredibly fucking disgusting. You can open your eyes now.

2:59 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

O.k. No more Brazilian waxes for the rest of the week!

************
grabs puked on rocket launcher from 'Bimbo'.
************

Back inside everyone.

Tranny where's that vodka. I need a drink.

ninj

3:02 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Seriously, I spend a couple of days drinking Robitussin and falling down, and come home to a bunch of strangers having a camel-themed costumed orgy in my closet. What the hell?! And everybody's crying and my bed smells like cheese.

The "moving/visiting family/waiting for the movers to actually deliver my couch" sabbatical ends this weekend. By Monday, I'll be up and at it again, in Virginia, on a real fucking computer, with pictures and links and everything. So you can hang out in here until then... just occasionally toss a little Clorox on the floor and walls. You know, for sanitary reasons.

Cheeks

3:04 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Bunny, if you get the chance will you wash the puke off Bimbo? Jane puked Drambuie all over him.

He's going to need a new facial.

Don't get and ideas Dragulf!!!!

ninj

3:06 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Hey look everyone, it's CHEEKS. CHEEKS IS BACK. CHEEKS IS BACK.
Holy shit, cheeks is back.

***************
Grabs bottle of vodka and Bimbo and runs the fuck out of the house.
***************

3:09 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

*nasally screeching* HIIIYAAAAAAAA CHEEKS! *arm waves drunkenly from prostrate form*

4:09 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Seriously, we can't wait till you are back up. The Fish has become full of trolls and humorless posts. Cheeks, you blow the Fish outta the water, always have, always will.

And that's all I have to say about that.

4:13 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

so i take a day off (it's not all my fault. i found a lovely vintage crocheted bikini under that box marked "memories" and have spent all day in the pool.
the local mexican workers were thrilled, and i've got the most interesting tan lines.
NOW i not only have to clean off the fucking monkey, but am stuck with the vision of cheek's blowing fish.

haven't i suffered enough for you people??

oooh. tequila....

6:34 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

oh, shit! is bimbo cheek's monkey from mexico?
hoo-wee! she really does keep everything, doesn't she??

i'm too late to play today, aren't i?

well, fine! i'll just pass out here w/ janey and make animal shapes from the wire hangers.

suppose i'll have to go over to the bad place and see what's going on over there.

6:57 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

ninja,
been giving you grief over at the bad place. you know i mean it with love.

so, like, if we're downstairs, howcum we ain't in the kitchen? cheek's folks must've stocked up for the visit..i'll bet there's meat loaf and taters, and gravy, (did i ever tell you i make the world's best gravy? ) ooh, and at least one of those jello thingees, if only, dammit, somebody could get that monkey under control.

i like the closet. are we going back there soon? (my friend lance told me to ask).

8:17 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

jane, i need some help... tranny needs someone to help pull his fist out.... wait, grab ninj too. ah, fuck, get the camera while you're at it. Thanks bunches hon...

Oh and Zanna? I'll return your whip tomorrow after I give it a good scrub.

Fuck, cheeks, your house ROCKS! We fucking looooove you!!!

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Tranny said...

Evil Bunny, just got to let you know I make the best gravy, if ya know what I mean.

Lady Jane, I decided to just leave my fist in there, I decided you are the cutest puppet ever!

Corndogs all around! And Zanna, guess what I stuck in the cotton candy machine. I'll give you a hint: It's what I use to make the gravy!

9:20 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

everybody always ignores the bunny.
what do _I_ get to do??
damn it, i need to show up earlier.

evil

p.s. sometimes i'm evil. sometimes i'm buns.

and i was going somewhere really funny with that, but somebody switched my drink on me.
whips?
i kinda like tranny, what's he doing while zanna's busy elsewhere, hmm?

9:25 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

i'll bet you do, tranny! and you never did tell me where moosetaint was so i could come (i said come, hee) and get my free corndog!
corndogs are much better than cucumbers, because they are warm and on a stick!

really, i'm not like this. really.

really!'
; )

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Tranny said...

Evil Bunny, I really AM like this.

To answer your question about the location of Moosetaint: Look directly at the back of a moose. The moosetaint is the area of skin in between the moose poop-shute and either the moose vagina (do not be stunned or terrified by the size of the moose vajay jay, remember they can weigh 2 tons and this is a normal size for an animal that big. DO NOT stick a bowling ball or your head in it) or the moose nut sack (see comment about moose vajay jay, interpolate as needed). Depending on the gender of the moose in question. Personal tip; do not touch the moose taint. do not talk to the moose taint. and above all, do not sniff or taste the moose taint. I know this because I spend a LOT of time in the mountains.

Corndog trailer will be heading for a NASCAR race near you shortly, probably easier than locating my area. I got a corndog with your name on it.

10:13 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Dammit, I need to come party with you guys. I'm here in BFE, Nevada. How can I possibly be this bored in a state full of casinos, prostitutes, and 24 hour drinks, I've no idea, but I'm about ready to jump off a cliff just to have something to do.

What do I have to do to get invited to the party?

***waves to Jane and Tranny***

12:01 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Bunny, come play with me not Tranny. He doesn't wear pants! Or is that a good thing?

Spankcheeks, ya dang tease! Get in the closet!

Corndogs are "Man's best friend!"

12:37 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

oooh CN aka Wordsmith ;p What idea's do ya think I apply?

Hey! I have an idea.

/me grabs the monkey and Bunny and runs into the closet.

12:40 AM  
Anonymous Hannoush said...

..."we are the nights of the round table... between our quest we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable"...

RISE AND SHINE!!!!

It's time for a little wake and bake. Tranny where's that bag you had earlier? ... Ah yes, good old boulder skunk.

((Puff)) ((Puff)) ((Puff))

9:48 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

What the fuck are you talking about you dumb Camel-humper? The only one sleeping is Janey. Rookie!

Me, Tranny, Krisdy, Zanna and Apache have been up all night playing: Hide The Fist; Pants are for Pussies; Pearl Mountain; Pearl River; Pearl Igloo; Sticky Golden Taco; Sticky Golden Taco part deus; How Flexible Are You; and Ghost in the Gravy Yard!!!!!

So ease up on the Rise and Shine?

We went through like 10 packs of polaroid film. Check umm out.

It starts out pretty slow, so I apologize for that.

Here's one with Tranny up to his elbow in Kridylees cuntshute. He was walking around with her on his fist and she kept saying in this really cute girly monotone, "I'm Cunty Mcunterson and I want to be your friend."

Here's one with Zanna and Apache 69'n. No big deal right, but if you look close you will see that Zanna has something sticking out of her butt about an inch, hard to see the other 16 inches of frozen slug Tranny jammed inside her.

Here's one with Tranny getting head by all three of them at once. Gay. You can have that one.

Ah. This is a good one. Zanna is on her stomach and Tranny has her ankles pinned to the back of her head. Apache's face is half buried in Kridylee who is bent in between Zanna and Apache. Tranny is simultaneously rocking the fuck out of Zanna and spanking Krisdylee with a wooden mallard, what's cool about this photo is that it actually looks like he's spanking Zanna and it also looks like Zanna is eating Apache. But that's not the case.

There's some more with Bunny, Dragulf and Bimbo, but you don't need to see those. In fact, I'd probably get arrested for having them.

You fuckers Rule

ninj

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Bimbo the monkey said...

*** sitting in corner of upstairs closet curled up in a ball sucking thumb ((erratically))***


Kiiiiiich...........
............kich.......
............... kiiiiiiich

10:49 AM  
Anonymous dsquared said...

I come back from vacation, which, coincidentally, also included camels, and find that I don't know what the fuck is going on in here. All I know is that I want Cheeks back, bad enough to start cutting again.

10:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

p.s. Visit my blog!

http://www.barbiemartini.com/

10:58 AM  
Anonymous dsquared said...

Shit, I'll try again.

11:00 AM  
Anonymous dsquared said...

AAAaaaahhhh!

BarbieMartini.com

11:02 AM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

What the hell is going on here, children? I pass out for a couple of hours and I wake up to find myself slumped upside down in the pantry, with a empty bottle of Jager stuck on my big toe, my hair caked by some unknown substance, and my ear completely plugged up? And..what the hell is this?...honey...feathers...you FEATHERED me?

11:15 AM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

Good blog, dsquared. I'd link mine, but mine is deep in the bowels of Dorkdom, and only avowed fellow-nerds are allowed to look at it. *staring hard at bunny*

11:20 AM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

I feel so used. You guys are awesome. I haven't been this sore and sticky in years.

By the way, who won the "How Flexible Are You?" I think I want a rematch if I lost.

I'm gonna go jump in the shower in preparation for later festivities. Who wants to come?

2:46 PM  
Anonymous easy e said...

STILL NO NEW POSTS!!! Must... have... fresh... gossip... *feebly turns up whiskey bottle*

3:11 PM  
Anonymous Tranny said...

Ooh, baby that feels so good, yeah, right there, oh, how did you get your mouth AND both hands on it, I like the tickling you are doing with the prehensile tail....WAIT *opens eyes, screams* BAD MONKEY, BAD MONKEY!!!! Nononono

*grabs monkey begins spanking*

*looks around, grabs bottle of vodka, keeps firm grip on Bimbo, heads for closet*

3:28 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Apache: I think the winner for most flexible goes to Tranny... when you and Zanna had his legs tied around the bedposts and you both walked in opposite directions using the posts for maximum leverage and he was yelling stop...oh my fucking God, please stop and you were like, "Not until you scratch your ear with your toe like you said you could, bitch", and Kridylee was massaging your balls and was like, "I think I heard his sack ripping." -- but you were a close second when you climbed into that 2 by 2 box with Bimbo. Or maybe it was Krisdylee, because did I mention it was her 'Box'.

And. Oh yeah. Janey is using the shower right now, but there's a jacuzzi out back ;)

Janey: Are you sure you found that bottle of Jager stuck on your big toe? hmmm? P.s. the feather's were an accident, you just got caught in the middle of a pillow fight while Dragulf and the Monkey were licking honey off you.

Dsquared and easy e: You two have no clue how to crash a party. Weak!

Tranny: Just because Bimbo is wearing sexy thong funderpants, rally red lipstick, oh wait,... that's right Bunny redid his face I'm not sure what lipstick he's wearing, anyway, there is no reason to,... what's that? swallowed the whole ... and... no way. Dang BIMBO.

***BIMBO Smiling with big purple lips***

Just make sure you change his pants when your done.


Ninj

4:21 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Sorry Apache, I meant Krisdylee was massaging Tranny's balls not your balls; I know you are nutless.

And Tranny: I put BIMBO's Favorite undies over the chair just outside the closet ...the ones with the baby lemurs on the front, tell him the ones with the bananas on the butt are not cleaned yet if he get's upset. And If he get's chilly I also left out his pink velour hoodie.

Thanks,

Ninj

5:10 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

i have some major complaints,here! just 'cuz i have the good drugs you guys leave me out of everything? i DEFINITLEY could have won the most flexible contest.
when i was y'alls age.
why do you think my joints are so fucked now??

DORKS RULE!

and so what if tranny doesn't wear pants. neither do i. what's the problem?

but damn it, the monkey has got to go! while you guys were sleeping it off, he finished off all the tequila, and if i don't have my morning shot, i'm a bitch on wheels all day.

and janey, don't believe a WORD about the feathers. they did it. oh,yeah.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous easy e said...

Ninja --

And you know how to run a half-hearted joke into the fucking ground, so I guess that makes us even. Wait, no it doesn't, it makes you a long-winded douchebag.

9:41 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

wtf, easy e? hope you mean that in jest. we've all had a hand in this..uh...pun included. and it takes one to know one...

tranny, do me a favor and check your pants. i seem to have gotten out of there with drawers that definitely aren't mine. i'll leave these over by the photo albums, see if they are yours.

honestly, someone has GOT to something about bimbo.
he's into the rabbit food and that stuff HURTS when you get hit with it (damn. another dangle)! besides that special stuff is damned expensive and hard to find!

altho, i will say, i finally got him cleaned up, he's all blow-dried and fluffy ( i LIKE fluffy!) and is sleeping peacefully for the moment. he really is a little young to be partying all night...aw, he and ninj look so cute sleeping.

think i'll join them.
btw, pirates 2 does kick ass, but not as good as #1. IMHO.

whatcha think, ninj, like my nightie? see? those tan lines i was talking about. shhh. its okay, go back to sleep, there'a always tomorrow.

2:54 AM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

oh, yeah, and cheeks, my (our) hostess of the year...
the smell?

i don't think it's cheese.

i'm just saying.

y'all wake me up before we get started this time, 'kay?

3:01 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

Nope, still pissed!

If someone would come over and tickle my taint, well then I might not be so cranky. That's all I'm saying.

9:30 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

****Wakes up next to Evil Bunny and Bimbo****

Bunny? How long have I been asleep? It feels like days.

Wow! What happened to Bimbo? He's all soft and ((fluffy))? And those lips...

Oooo Bimbo stop that it tickles, wait... bimbo... what are you doing? Oh my... wow... Bimbo. oh ... where did you learn...oh oh Bimbo... what the... Oooooo....

[Ummm... Bunny do you mind scooching over a little and giving Bimbo some more room?]

ooooooo... oooooo... ooooo... bad monkey... bad monkey. oooooo.

Ninj,

P.s. Bunny, nice nightie.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Wow guys, I wanna be in the cool circle. I feel left out.
Of course I dont have the wit and comic ability that those of you possess. Maybe one day.. One day I shall be able to roll with the likes of my Cheeks followers.

You give some good laughs..
And by the looks of it. .somebody has a very experienced monkey.

Kinky.

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

I taught that monkey what it means to spank! Cheeks will love him now! Muahaha! err :) Anyways, I am hoping there is some whiskey left?
*roams around looking for it*

6:17 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

ninj,
that ain't the monkey....

6:31 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

dragulf, dude, time for a liquor run. stupid bimbo has finished off everything that ninj, janey and i didn't.
new guy buys the booze!!

6:33 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

oh, and easy? read back a few posts. tranny told me quite plainly to stay away from the taint. okay, he was talking about mooses (meese?), but a taint be a taint.
sorry, little one.
but you can come roll around with me and ninj... he's REALLY a nice guy (hee-hee) when you get to know him.

SPANKERS, COME HOME! THE CHILDREN AND I FORGIVE YOU! WE CAN WORK OUT OUR PROBLEMS, HONEY. PLEASE CANCEL THE RESTRAINING ORDER!

hee-hee
today i'm just plain evil.

yo-ho-yo-ho...........

6:52 PM  
Anonymous evil,bunny :) said...

okay, like, one last warning? the green stuff is not what you think it is.
stupid bimbo stole the homade quac i made... so, just enjoy it. the lumps are supposed to be there.''

i just love you guys so mu.......

yes, dear. i'm getting off line now. no, dear, nobody knows your name. of course, sweetie, i'll be right up....

SERIOUSLY, MY NEW FRIENDS, ask janey. i gotta pay attention to some other stuff, hope to go under the knife this month. maybe i won't be too busy, i'll keep checking in w/ ninj and janey, so kisses and blow jobs to the most deserving. hooo-ray!!
XOXOXO

12:07 AM  
Anonymous littleblacksambo said...

Ummm.... WHAT THE FUCK?!

10:00 PM  
Anonymous AJ said...

Spankcheeks, you reckon your so good with a sharp tongue and are going to become the best blogger? I'll give you a tip knob jockey, you actually have to write stuff in your blog! If your computer doesn't work can't you use another computer?
Sorry just thought i'd use my sharp tongue just like you like using yours, miss reading your site hahahaha

2:57 AM  
Anonymous AJ said...

Spankcheeks, you reckon your so good with a sharp tongue and are going to become the best blogger? I'll give you a tip knob jockey, you actually have to write stuff in your blog! If your computer doesn't work can't you use another computer?
Sorry just thought i'd use my sharp tongue just like you like using yours, miss reading your site hahahaha

2:58 AM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Aww Aj thinks he's funny.
If you ever paid attention moron you'd know Spank is in the process of moving. Which means driving across the country with her computer in a box on a semi. I dont know to many road side gas stations that have computer labs.
Nice though, you certainly have wit and humor on lock down.
Go somewhere else.

1:14 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

And posting the same thing twice doesnt make it any more amusing or interesting. Maybe you should figure out how to use a computer before giving our Spank any advice on how to run her blog.

1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aj. Spanks also knows the difference between the words your and you're.

1:55 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

YAY!!
LETS BEAT UP THE NEW GUY!!!!

zeze, you hold him down, that damn bimbo has been looking for a fight, so i'll just go let him out of the bathroom.....


the party's ooo-verrr!

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH, and AJ (gotta stand for Ass Job)

it's HER blog.

she can do anything she jolly dad gum shit wants to do.
bite us all Ass Jabber.


thank you, thank you.

12:22 AM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

You guys do still have the all the bottles left over from the closet escapades right?
If you used them for your own, or each others sexual pleasures thats perfectlty fine. More to use on AJ.

Bastard doesnt know who he's messing with here at Spanks.

7:26 AM  
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