SPANK CHEEKS

Monday, July 03, 2006

LINDSAY LOHAN IS A BIG FAT LIAR


Lindsay Lohan tells the London Mirror that she would "never become a druggie," because she saw how drugs affected her father.

The starlet admits to smokin' the doobie, but claims she "hated it"; she adamently maintains that she never tried cocaine, despite her disconcerting weight loss, her perma-chapped nostrils, and her notoriously frequent bathroom breaks. She futher elaborates
“I’ve seen my father. I’ve seen how it messes with families and fucks your life up. If I hadn’t witnessed that, I may have gone a different route. I don’t know. But I’ve seen how it tore my parents apart.”
Lindsay Lohan swearing she doesn't do blow is like me swearing I'm a virgin who's never had a drink in her life. When in fact, I had sex with two strange men in the parking lot of the 7-11 this morning. And I've been drunk since Thursday night. Come to think of it, I don't remember ever NOT being drunk. I don't remember much of anything anymore. But I do remember that Lindsay Lohan is motherfucking coke whore. It's tattooed on my inner thigh, so I don't ever forget.

Source

26 Comments:

Anonymous jesus said...

... "big" and "fat" being the operative words.

8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny! I have "LLLTC" (Lindsay Lohan Loves the Cock) tattooed on my wrist.

8:48 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

I have skankalicious tattooed on my buttocks.

I'm off to go get drunk! Woo-hoo the 4th of July rules!

9:10 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

sweetcheeks, good to see you have a site to blog on. However, the image of you does not get larger in the blow up screen. Can't tell if you are hot or not???? and if you are not hot I don't really care what you have to say.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Macius_Sarcasticus said...

Yeah, that's really her in the pic. The standards for ninjahood must be terribly low nowadays. However, i'm sure your cock credentials are of the highest order.

11:39 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Sweetcheeks, ummm since you seem to be an avid animal rights activist I found this article that I thought you might appreciate.

"Lab Rabbit Strongly Reccommends Cover Girl Waterproof Mascara For Sensitive Eyes"

Cincinnati--LR-4427, a two-year old laboratory rabbit at Proctor & Gamble's cosmetics testing facility gave his full endorsement Tuesday to Cover Girl Long & Luscious water-proof mascara for sensitive eyes.
"Cover Girl Long & Luscious will dramatically magnify your lashes for a look that's glamorous and natural," LR-4427 said. "And the great part is, they won't irritate your eyes, even if you accidentally smear some over your clamped-open eyeballs with a Q-tip and can't flush it out for 48 hours."
LR-4427 said he also likes the fact that the cover Girl product stays on, rain or shine.
"No matter what the weather, you're guaranteed gorgeous lashes with Long and Luscious mascara," LR-4427 said. "And they'll stay that way all day long, in 10 hours of 200 degree heat from a hair dryer or icy blasts from a Water-pik hand held shower head."
In the past six months, LR-4427 said he has tried "literally hundreds" of different mascaras. Of these, he said, Cover Girl Long and Luscious offers the best combination of good looks, durability and non-corrosiveness.
"The cover Girl mascara they ground into my right eye is 10 times better than the Max Factor Midnight Thicklash that had been ground into my left," said LR-4427, speaking form immobilization cage 39B. "The Max Factor stuff is greasy and cheap-looking, not satiny and sophisticated like Cover Girl. And, unlike Cover Girl, Max Factor doesn't wash away easily-- not even with industrial soap and steel-wool scouring pads.
... ... ...

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ummm. Sweet-c's off the subject, but I believe Pam Anderson in a robe is indeed futuristic in a H.G Wells "The Time Machine" sense... 200 million A.D. The 'Eloi' were an emotionless 'robe-wearing' group of people who lived above ground, and whenever a whistle blew they would scurry because the underground 'Morlocks' would pretty much feast on them. The Morlocks did not wear robes, but they probably resembled Lohan only they were probably fatter since there were so many Eloi to feed on. However there may be like some old granny Morlock that wasn't very fast and didn't eat too well. Anyway that was not in the book so I'm speculating.

2:03 PM  
Anonymous jane's eyre said...

cock-ninja, LMAO, brilliant!

3:02 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

I do not ever wear eye makeup unless it's been thoroughly ground into a rabbit's eyes. Or chimpanzee's eyes. Actually, ground into any pried-open orifice on a mammal. I'm not going to put just anything on my beautiful face.

And, by the way, I am hot, hot, HOT! I kept my profile picture small, because seeing me up close will end your happy marriages and turn straight girls gay. Trust me. It's that small for your protection.

3:22 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

When I spend time with Spank its an unspoken rule she must wear heavy baggy clothing, cover her face with oversized avaitors and wear an extra large straw old lady hat. I cant bear what might happen to our husbands and our children should I ever have to see her in her true beauty and hotness.
Its a good thing you cant zoom in on the hotness of the profile pic. You wouldnt be able to read any of the posts for your days would be spent "spanking" it time and time again.
Sheer hotness I tell you.

5:42 PM  
Anonymous jizm said...

That picture of Lindsay Lohan is fucking awesome!!!!

5:44 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

I will circumvent this... simple... right click small picture... save picture as 'sweetcheeks'... go to photoshop... da da da... go to file 'sweetcheeks'... bitmap... da da da...add pixels, da da.. (I love the rainy nights it's such a beautiful sight, love to hear the thunder watch the lightning...da da, Oh wait you don't like Rabbits)add pixels... more pixels...saturate image...cool... zoom in multiply by five... left click and Voila--- Holy shit... You are fucking HOT!!! Excuse me now while I divorce my wife and go masturbate until knee-cartilage comes out of my sword. Over, under, in, around, through, for every obstacle there is a solution, but one thing is for certain. The SPANK lives and breathes. You can't stop the SPANK!

6:21 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Like I said the other night when sweetcheeks was sitting on my face... "girl" I said "what mascara are you using? Cuz you have lashes to die for"

Then sweetcheeks said "shut the fuck up and suck it girl and don't stop til I say so."

True story. I was there. My jaw is still sore. But she gives what she gets, and that's why I love her.

7:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God. When did Lindsay L. get so heavy. I bet she wieghs at least 42 lbs!

8:16 PM  
Anonymous lilly said...

That's odd, Krisdylee, cuz I was with sweetcheeks the other night too! And she said that whole "suck it girl" thing to me too. I think we've been duped!

God she does give good head though.

8:24 PM  
Anonymous little black sambo said...

It's pretty obvious from this picture that she just has a fast metabolism and great bone structure.

Also - ninja: took me ten minutes to photoshop liek you said, but fuck yeah she's HOT totally worth it! However, it only took me two minutes to satisfy myself.

8:29 PM  
Anonymous naughtius maximus said...

Ninja--great Eddie Rabbit reference. Everyone appreciates a good musical reference.

From the sound of this thread there are some sticky keyboards out there.

Spanky--keep it coming

8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol Apparently these guys haven't watched SNL in the past several years...

Oh well, I won't burst the bubble. Great blog anyway, thanks for updating through the holiday, I wouldn't know what to do without a daily fix! :)

1:31 PM  
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6:07 PM  

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