SPANK CHEEKS

Saturday, July 01, 2006

NICK AND JESSICA: OFFICIALLY DEAD TO EACH OTHER

Jessica and Nick were legally divorced this past Friday. Us Weekly reports
The former Newlyweds signed documents on Thursday requesting retired Superior Court Judge Dana Senit Henry bifurcate the marriage, meaning that the divorce could become official while the financial details were still being negotiated.
Jessica promptly told the media that she was "shocked and horrified" that Nick agreed to the "bi-fur-kate-id" because she had no idea he was into gay sex and swinging.

13 Comments:

Anonymous ZeZe said...

Now she can finally screw the dane cook weirdo and bret ratner with only Lindsay Lohan breathing down her neck and firey Furry.
Oh and her creepo molester father.

4:26 PM  
Anonymous jesus said...

I "bifurcated" all over this chick one time and she ended up a lesbian.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

um, what is up with his face in that pic? he looks all lumpy. or like a potato. and did she have a tracheotomy lately?
i understand alka-seltzer is very good for bifurcation.

6:23 PM  
Anonymous easy e said...

@ evil bunny

I see where they got the template for Mr. Potato Head. He neads some tiny yellow glasses.

7:47 PM  
Anonymous naughtius maximus said...

Yeah, you two. I wish you were dead.

Have you ever seen Jessica sing live? It looks like she's giving birth or taking a dump and the turd is too big for her anus. It's just painful to watch

8:48 PM  
Anonymous dsquared said...

Always with the too-pale lipstick and too-tan face. Yuck.

9:12 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

M'eh, what's left after poppin' her cherry and putting up with her idiocy?

10:32 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

boobies, baby, boobies !!!

@ easy e, i think the divorce decree includes sharing time equally of the big plastic lips and enormous yellow tennies.
hee-heee

4:32 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

@bunny-

who gets the "angry eyebrows"?

7:11 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

easy, i thing the eyebrows WILL come up in divorce procedings. suppose they will spend the week w/ one parent, and weekends and holdiays with the non-custodial...
such a sad, sad thing, when two eyebrows are separated from their birth, uh, face--
this may be more difficult, depending on the officiating state.
sheesh.

waterloggend buns here...glub glup

12:59 AM  
Anonymous janes eyre said...

So she had no idea that her was into gay sex? I think being in a boy band was plenty proof enough.

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

according to these pictures they got divorced because he's got mouth herpes and she's got throat cancer.
either that or in the legal proceedings he claimed she owed him some throat skin and he had it injected into his lips.

needless to say, these pictures frighten me.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

They've been dead to me for ever!

3:43 PM  

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