SPANK CHEEKS

Thursday, July 06, 2006

SPANK IT YOURSELVES

Nobody wants to pay to watch Ashely Simpson lipsync. (Perez Hilton)

Even Tom Cruise's Scientology cronies haven't seen Suri. (What Would Tyler Durden Do?)

Snorting blow could make you a millionaire. (Yeeeah)

Tired of looking at wieners all morning? Then check out both of Nicolette Sheridan's old-lady nipples. (MollyGood)

4 Comments:

Blogger cock-ninja said...

Come off a three day bender and I missed like 20 posts. Jeez Sweet-Spanks is it obvious that Thursday is your day off, or perhaps everyday. Trying to keep up with all your posts is like watching cable television with my crackhead nighbor: Flipping and flipping... and Flipping... FOX: "Real Humans in Real Pain"... flip to BET: "Where My Wife At?" ... flip ANIMAL PLANET: "Incontinent Rhinos" flip... E! the trifecta "Andy Gibb: A Nighmare Descent into Booze and Pills; Margot Kidder. A Nightmare Descent into Boooze and Pills, Boy Gearge. A Nightmare Descent into Booze and pills." flip... ESPN 2 "60 minutes of Joe Theisman's Leg Breaking" Flip... SCI-FI "The Bermuda Triangle: Myth or Fiction? flip... LIFETIME: "How Can I Choose Between My Daughter, or The Abused Wife Who accidentally killed her Policeman husband with Hedge-Clippers!" Flip... TNN: "I Caught Me These Fish" from the producers of "This Here's My Dog; You Hush Up Wanda Mae; and Okay, Give 'Er A Little More Gas again, Clem." flip... TELEMUNDO: "Whoomp! Donde Esta? Goooooooooooal! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai!... ... ... ...

Keep up the posts I love them almost as much as love masturbating, probably because I mastubate while I'm reading your posts. Things that make ya go hmmmmm... Oh shit where's my SPANK rag, Is it wrong to blow a load into a Freshly Cleaned Downy Fresh towel?-- Things my closest friends do not know. Lazy fucks never do laundry and they are always borrowing my Freshly Cleaned Downy Fresh towels.

2:44 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Coincidently, cock-ninja I was on a three-day bender, too! I woke up in Bucksnort, Tennessee, and one of my kidneys was gone. And I had a new tattoo of Jesus on my bicep and I wasn't wearing any shoes. Or pants, now that I think of it.

On the plus side, though, when I was finally sober enough to drive home, I found like six unused condoms in the back seat of my car and half of an old cheeseburger. Score, mothafuckas!

I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUY'S COMMENTS!!! I WANNA KISS YOU ALL OVER!

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I predict Suri Cruise is actually the spawn of Tom Cruise, Satan, and little green aliens. Katie's uterus was just a vessel that held the little green bean 'til tom and his pals could rip it out and place glowsticks on top of it until it grew into a giant lizard, broke the space/time continuim and returned home to planet "tom cruise is batshit insane".
And that, my friends, is why there are no Suri Cruise pics.

That or she's just been inside these past three mos. and is suffering from vitamin deficiency as we speak.

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Cock-ninja, I need to borrow a towel m8.
Spanks Spankcheeks! Who needs shoes anyways? It's not like ya need to go to the gas stations bathroom. Or pants.
No one has seen Suri because people know the difference between 3 month olds and 6-7 month old children.

6:02 PM  

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