Wednesday, July 05, 2006


I was watching the fireworks yesterday -- celebrating American independence by drinking myself into a stupor -- and it occured to me that I was living in the greatest country the world has ever known. In honor of America's birthday, I've composed a list of the top ten reasons we're the best. It's called:

Top Ten Reasons America is the Greatest* Country in the World

10. Freedom of speech

9. Amber-fuckin-waves of grain

8. No taxation without representation

7. We inspire democracy the world over. If you don't like it, we're forcing it on you anyway.
Suck it Iraq!

6. Boob jobs and botox.

5. Americans aren't fat; we're just big-boned

4. We gave birth to the automobile; the telphone; manned flight; and Angelina Jolie.

3. First to get the bomb, and last to use it.

2. We're the world's police, soup kitchen, and savings and loan.

and, the number one reason America is the greatest country in the world:

1. Blowjobs in the Oval Office.

*Honorable mention the United Kingdom. We wouldn't be here without you!


Blogger OFFTRACK said...

Awesome List

4:44 PM  
Anonymous jimmycrackcorn said...

U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!! Woo-hoo!

4:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

America, I salute thee!

5:41 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...

Saaaayyyyyy Cheeks;

That "honorable UK mention" wouldn't happen to be your underhanded way of saying "JETHRO TULL RULES!!!"

Cause, it's ok to come out of the JT closet.

5:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could get lost in that sea of skin! I sure am glad that the tummy flap covers up her not-so-goodies.

I almost thought I was in a bakery looking at all those rolls. Mmmm, now all we need is some jam.

6:13 PM  
Anonymous naughtius maximus said...

Tranny, "you poor old sot" Tull rocks. The jazz flute is sorely underused in rock music.

8:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did you get that picture of Bananas? LOL

8:37 PM  

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