Tuesday, July 04, 2006


Victoria's Secret is said to have signed on pop star Ashlee Simpson as the new face of its "Pink" line. The line will feature cutesy underwear and bras and is aimed at a "more youthful" crowd -- I'm thinking mallrats with zits wearing "Hot Chick" baby tees. Victoria's Secret is rumored to have debated between Kelly Clarkson and Simpson for the coveted campaign.

I can only assume that the padding in the "Pink" bras spontaneously falls out of your shirt half-way through a date or public speech, revealing you as the flat-chested phony faker you really are. Or maybe the underwear is so uncomfortable that you can only do a hoe-down shuffle as you attempt to abandon your wayward padding. Or maybe the teeny-bopper lingerie gives you an air of self-importance, and you'll find yourself with the urge to alight upon the counter at your local fast-food chain and berate the staff.


P.S. While googling images to find a good pic of Ashlee Simpson, this came up.

I shit you not!!! It's the most appropriate image I could ever possibly imagine for an "Ashlee Simpson search." Google is fucking awesome!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spanks, you are a dedicated workhouse or possibly an obnoxious over-achiever.

11:29 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

That dude vomiting is me, after I saw Ashlee perfoming "live" with her band.

2:46 PM  
Anonymous lilly said...

Kudos, Cheeks, kudos! Gossip doesn't stop just because it's a national holiday, you know! Your the best.

3:45 PM  
Anonymous megp said...

Yay Cheeks! Still Spankin' on the holidays... nothin' stops you does it?

LMAO at the latest... I personally am now turned OFF of the VS PINK line because I just dont want to think of sleezeball Ashlee sister of a troll Simpson when I'm prancin' in my pink panties.

Why didnt they pick someone CLASSY? Like say, Paris?!

Bad call, VS, bad call.

At least with Paris, they'd get more business from men.

6:02 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

By the looks of her face she finally saw in natural light what smokey eyes doesnt mean.

And that when the bottle says Streak and orange free it actually means making you look like you rolled yourself in orange tie-dye food coloring for the past seven years.

9:06 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

As for the second pic. I sure does look like douchebag number two is smelling douchebag number ones vomit.

mmm smells of....Jager and NoseJob Simpson.

9:07 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

I'm going to go with "obnoxious workaholic sexy pants."

8:21 AM  
Anonymous jesus said...

I have to say, since getting that big fuckin schnoz fixed and adding the fake long blond hair... I'd hit it.

8:36 AM  

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