SPANK CHEEKS

Thursday, August 10, 2006

EVERYBODY HATES LINDSAY LOHAN

Before you get all huffy and start bitching about every other post on my site being about "Firecrotch McSkank," give me a chance to explain myself. I've just discovered that -- just like you and me --people the world over hate Lindsay Lohan. Especially the people she works with. And Hollywood stands behind drunken, anti-Semitism spewing cokewhores and child rapists, so their dislike of Lindsay really says something. According to Page Six, Firecrotch's partying might eventually leave her sans home in the Chateau Marmont in L.A.
“'They are trying to kick her out. It is very disruptive with all of her friends coming in and out and her late nights,' said a source. Another insider added, 'Even for the Chateau, it is too much.'"
In addition, another member of the Hollywood elite who worked with her on the cinematic masterpiece Herbie: Fully Loaded anonymously posted a letter on worldofwonder.net that coroborates Morgan Creek’s earlier accusations of unprofessionalism on the set of Georgia Rule.
“Her behavior on ‘Georgia Rule’ is exactly the same inconsiderate shit she pulled on the ‘Herbie’ production. She stayed out all night, and then the doctor announced that Ms. Lohan had asthma the next day. She played the exhaustion card a couple of times . . . She called in sick one day and . . . she is across town spending a day with her then-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama of ‘That ’70s Show... Another day she has the ‘doctor’ call in Ms. Sickie’s fake ailment, because she was shooting her own music video the night before . . . The Princess was able to make the production crew re-create the desert race sets closer to the Four Seasons hotel. She said she had signed on ‘to do a film in Los Angeles’ and El Mirage was too hot and too far. She is a brat.”
Lindsay Lohan is like that girl in high school who made the cheerleading squad as a freshman and rode it all the way through to senior year, despite being ugly and freckle-y and always fucking up the herky. And maybe you questioned her cheerleader status at first, but as the years progressed you begrudginly accepted her rank among the popular and made room for her designated space at the "cool kids' table." But then, right before graduation, the rest of the stupid coozes on the squad finally realized what a fucking tool she really was, and you all collectively joined hands, geeks and jocks and goths and even the special-ed wing, and spent the last three months of school making her life a living hell.

Only instead of writing "Lindsay Lohan is a big skanky slut" on the bathroom walls, her co-workers post "Lindsay Lohan is a spoiled brat bitch" on the internet; and instead of the first row bleachers seeing her gigantic granny panties at the pep rally, all you guys got to see them on my website. Highschool was fucking awesome!

Source

8 Comments:

Anonymous ninja's grandma said...

FIRST!! She was that girl who pooped her pant when she ate mushrooms before the pep rally.

12:44 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Sorry about the lack of a photo here. Blogger's been fucking up all day. Fuckers.

Send all hate mail/neurotoxic weaponized anthrax to:

Blogger
2453 Devier Ave
Sacramento, CA 94203

1:09 PM  
Anonymous firecrotch mcskank said...

Hey, that really hurts my feelings.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous petemclochness said...

I soiled my silks the first time I tried to do a herky.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous jrzbigsmellytwat said...

I have to say, you are a helluva lot funnier than the superficial dude. I hope your getting paid for this.

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally knew "that girl" in highschool.

3:35 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

I'd have beaten the crap out of her in high school.

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was that chick in high school! *best kenny voice* You bastards!

9:49 PM  

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