SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

GYLLENHAAL GETS HIS ARMSTRONG ON


He may have both testicles, but Jake Gyllenhaal has still won the part of Lance Armstrong in a biopic of the seven-time Tour de France winner. Invariably shirtless beach bunny Matthew McConaughey had been vying for the part, but lost out to Gyllenhaal. Sources at ESPN said
“[Jake] said that [the part]was why he has been spending so much time with [Lance and Matt] both this summer."
I suppose that's also why Jake had donned shiny lycra and a helmet in every other picture. I had presumed that Jake had gone the route of the gay and maybe was accident-prone. Now, it's all falling into place.

I have to say I am a little bit relieved. Two of the most attractive and available bachelors in Hollywood, dressing alike and waxing and having slumber parties in McConaughey's Malibu bachelor pad... I was certain there existed an ass-bandit among them. Ladies, unbutton your blouses and break-out the crotchless panties -- the boys are back!





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32 Comments:

Anonymous jesus said...

Good, cuz I'm already wearing crotchless panties.

7:57 AM  
Blogger pinky_nip said...

Panties? What are those?

8:37 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Is Gyllenhaal testisticly challenged too??

9:15 AM  
Anonymous gemble said...

One of those fuckers is always dressed exactly like Lance. That IS queer, no matter what Spanks says.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Italian Stallion said...

They are coming out with new wrist bands that say "Cockstrong" but only for the gay community.............

Reserve yours today Gemble, hurry........

10:06 AM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Well, my clit is all a-quiver....

11:17 AM  
Anonymous ninja's grandma said...

Where the hell is cock-ninja?

12:04 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

I'm bored....

I wish my boss was in today so I could at least get fucked.

12:29 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

I always thought 'eligible bachelor' was a euphemism for gay-faggot-butt-slamming-claudius!

O.k let me try to figure this out; if you shave your chest and do stomach crunches on the beach you are not gay, not gay if you are getting into character for a major role... representing someone who may or may not be gay, o.k. fine I can live with that -- but I'm fucking sorry-- if you are at 'The Bistro' and you bend over to pick up your 'Appletini' that you forget on the floor after demonstrating your new Yoga moves and those behind you catch full view of your frilly pink thong, I don't give a pigs ass if you are getting into a role or not (method acting, fourth wall, Uta Hagen, Stanislavski, Kazan, Strasberg) I don't give a fuck what your excuse is--

-----> YOU SMOKE THE PEE PEE <-----

However, if I was ever in the mood to Gay-out it would be would these hunky's!!

minj

1:05 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

And I'm positive that that last statement is going to offend the fuck out of Extremely-Homo-phobic-Italian-Stallion; who by the way is still upset with me after I accidentally rubbed his balls during a three-way with Pinky_Nip. At least I think it was an accident ;).

ninj


P.s. I have no idea who the fuck minj is.

1:20 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

beachbunny?
only brings up thoughts of sand in all the wrong places.

and, grandma, i've got ninj tied up in the basement, sleeping it off.
he was a VERY bad boy. i'll let him know you're looking for him.
;)

2:44 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

see, i leave the house for an hour and the little bugger got free.
was it good for you, ninj?



buns

2:46 PM  
Anonymous Homophobic said...

Mister Cock-Sucking-Ninja

What the fuck brought on that comment?
Some of my gay friends are fag's...lol
One of my dealers is a pole smoker. I don't have anything against fag's. But whatever.......

3:06 PM  
Anonymous ninja's gay lover said...

That minj sure is a ball rubbin' homo.

3:07 PM  
Anonymous ninja's swollen nutsack said...

I'm just fucking with you, Ninj -- it's all in good fun. I'm not trolling you out or anything. So don't get all huffy and hide away.

3:08 PM  
Anonymous Ninja's personal butt slamming ass-goblin said...

Don't listen to them ninja I will never reveal the truth about us. They can tie me down and stick hypothermic needles into my cleanly shaved testicles, and I will never tell. Your secret is safe with me.

3:58 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

minj, if your fingers weren't so fat and stubby,
maybe you could discern the "n" key from the "m" key easier.

3:59 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Qalrus Humboot: I'll take that into consideration.

binj

4:09 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

God damn your hilarious!!! I'm serious.

I'm laughing so hard, I almost shit my buttplug out!


POP!

4:56 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...

This just SCREAMS "Throw cocks at us!"

So does the story Cheeks wrote.

Ba-BANG, here all week you pillow-biting "another colonesctomy please" felchers

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

OK so are they rehearsing 3 blind mice or 3 musketeers?

p.s. 3 stooges?

p.p.s. Maybe the penis stealer (what else could cock ninja mean?) is still letting it 'seek in.' Hide 'em if ya got 'em...

6:32 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Dragulf: et tu Brute? Can't you see that I am being impaled. Have you no mercy? We were to be brothers, now this.

p.s. It has definitely sunk in.

ninj

6:49 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

what's a hypoTHermic needle?

see what happens when you leave the boys alone to play with themselves? uh, each other?


i'm toast, now, aren't i?

7:45 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Buns I was going to ask the same thing. I just thought maybe I was out of the S&M loop or something.

I found it hard to believe though since I receive the current issues of Bound and Gagged every Wednesday.

8:01 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

zeze, you are one sick fuck. I LOVE YOU!!!

9:07 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

z-
ya wanna pass those along? you know i'm collecting magazines for the troops....

i think i love you too!


buns

9:44 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

okay, i have to jump in here, because i have no other venue.
that fucking fucker that killed poor little jonbenet (couldn't he have done in the mother, too, for tramping that poor little girl up? i am sick, folks, sick!!)

i just heard they have the bastard on "suicide watch". why don't they just give him a fucking rope?? and he MARRIED a 13 yr old girl?????

(sorry, i'm trying to cut down on the profanity, but this is one case where it fits)

don't you DARE preach at me, dear ninj. you know i'm right.

9:49 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

ninja has 13 year old girls (and boys) chained to his water heater down here in his basement with me.


if...i.....can....just....reach.....the..key!!

10:00 PM  
Anonymous Evil bunny said...

ahh! but that's the FALSE ninja. i know for a fact he likes 'em older, if not necessarly wiser.

besides, until he escaped early this afternoon, he was with me.


sorry, i can't be funny about this. anybody know someone where this asshole (the killer) is being held? i've got a 20 to start the pot.

and, yes, ninj, i will lay off. i'm being inundated every ten minutes by this assinity.

"I was never really frightened
by the murderer on our block
he nurtured orchids and raised hamsters
the neighborhood is still in shock..."
"vampires, mummies
and the holy ghost"
jimmy buffett
"FRUITCAKES"

11:21 PM  
Anonymous Tranny believes in DEATH for kiddie Rapists said...

Evil Bunny

Yeah, the sick fuck is 35 miles from my house, in the Boulder County Justice Center on the corner of 6th and Canyon. Can't miss it, every news organization has a satellite truck parked out front. To bad this place is filled with peace-activist tofu eatin hippies, cause if this was Arizona or Texas he'd already be dead. I miss my home state sometimes.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

tranny, granny, zanna,

I say this with all seriousness,


PULL A JACK RUBY ON HIS ASS!!!

10:37 AM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Well Buns and Spanks,
I will have to go through my archives. I need to be able to refer back, I do live in the land of the Seamen.

Those Seamen can never get enough. I may be able to share some with you. Though... I dont know if can part. We may just have to open up spanks closet and practice until perfection is obtained.
And Im all for perfection. 1000 times over if we have to..

9:23 PM  

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