SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

HOME ALONE... WITH A CRATE OF WHISKEY


Macaulay Culkin celebrated his 26th birthday with girlfriend Mila Kunis, a case of Maker's Mark, and a mohawk.

I did a little research, and found that it takes the average person exactly 2250 mililiters of whiskey to repress the memories of 2003's "Party Monster" and 1994's "Getting Even with Dad." So, with the help of a little something I call "math," we can deduce from the number of bottles in that case the precise number of people that actually showed up at his b'day bash. Macaulay boozed it up with... let's see... where x is represents number of partiers, and pi, and y = 750 ml (per bottle)... wait, use the quadratic formula.... um, three people.

God knows how long it actually took to find three people who could stand an evening with Macaulay Culkin, even if there was free whiskey around.

UPDATE:
Alert spankee Italian Stallion recognized that the bottles in Macaulay's crate are actually Hennessy, not Maker's Mark as I had previously reported. Both liquor bottles have red tops, but I should have known better and paid more attention. I just assumed that if Macaulay was carrying around a crate of Hennessy he'd have a geri curl and a clock on a gold chain around his neck. Not a mohawk. Who knew?

Source

56 Comments:

Anonymous GEMBLE said...

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! IS IT BECAUSE OF THE ALL CAPS? OR THE CURSING? SHIT FUCK COCK ASS BITCH CUNT MOTHERFUCK BALLS PUSSY DICK SUCK

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gemble- Not so much the yelling, as much as the way you massacred "people".

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7:50 AM  
Anonymous xxx said...

Nothing says cool like a faux-hawk!

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Stallion said...

Hey Spanks, I'm not trying to correct you, at all. But the box of liquor he has is Hennesey, which makes the story even funnier........

Makers Mark, has red wax as the finishing touch on their bottle, it looks like good ol Hennesey to me............

Ex Bartender, sorry........

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Stallion...

You are an ex-bartender?

You.....COMPLETE....ME.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your right, Stallion! I'd expect you to know your liquor. ;)

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Italian Stallion said...

Zanna:

For 8 fun years..........

9:48 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Liquor in the front

Poker in the rear

HA!



Sorry.

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Thanks Stallion! I updated the post in light of this new information.

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Anonymous Zanna said...

I re-iterate:

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Anonymous Dragulf said...

I was kinda hoping he was dead... or home alone. Nah, dead would be fine.
I sadly will admit to having fast forwarded through Party Monster. I didn't know what it was about at the time. He is a really crappy actor/fag. Maybe he is TC's taller brother?

This site needs something.

I remember what now!


TCLTC!

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He has Meryl Streep sinus eyes or he is high all the time. Maybe both. How did he end up with a fine piece of ass like Jackie?

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Anonymous jesus said...

Glad to see you didn't shy away from the racism after all the commie pussies tree-hugging fags complained about your hating on black people yesterday. A gerry curl is funny, doesn't matter if you're white or black.

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Anonymous tp21 said...

I've never heard of Party Moster or Getting Even With Dad. I did see Richie Rich, and that sucked bigtime.

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if you had a girlfriend with as annoying a voice as this cocklick has you'd have just as much, if not more liquor & heroin as possible to drown out the noise. or try to kill her with.

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Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

tranny, tyranny, tyrannosaurus rex -
Maybe this fucking website: http://dictionary.reference.com/ will you with your quandary

Just trying to help.



P.S. Zanna is sitting on my lap right now, bouncing up and down, facing me...

and we're both nekkid.


Zanna says hi.


I love your fucking blog!!!

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Except where I said,

I love your fucking blog!!

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