SPANK CHEEKS

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

HOW TO LOSE A WIFE IN SIX YEARS

Actress Kate Hudson and Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson revealed that they are separating after nearly six years of marriage. They have a two-year old son, Ryder.

I am probably one of maybe three people in Hollywood who actually saw this coming. I used to sometimes score a little hash off Chris from time to time -- not like we were "friends" or anything -- but lately the guy just kept getting weirder and weirder. The last time I stopped by, he was in the middle of a three-day PCP high, and he kept telling me "don't fear the reaper" and "chess is a thinking man's game." Kate was nowhere to be found, probably because Chris smelled like "armpits." And he had apparently eaten a burrito some time earlier in the week, because a few rogue strings of melted cheddar cheese were still ensconced in his beard. Everything was cool until he started "tic-ing" and fell down in the floor and shit his pants. That's when I determined that Chris Robinson was, in fact, a "loser," and that it was just a matter of time before Kate dumped his ass.

Source

19 Comments:

Anonymous Dragulf said...

I think her parents are right. Marriage screws up everything!

7:00 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

I think Johnny Cash was right -- PCP fucks up everything!

7:12 AM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

I think Spanks is right...shitting your pants is the final deciding factor on loserdom.

7:22 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

I remember Goldie Hawn on "Laugh In".


She was funny!!
Not so much in the comical sense.
More in a peculiar way!

In a Jessica Simpson on "Newlyweds" kind of way!

Ditzy... may be the word I'm looking for.

7:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think "douchebag" is the word you're looking for.

7:43 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

I once shit my pants in drugged stupor! I was high on Vitamin A (we used to call it 'cid back then too) and probably 14-16 beers. Early in the morning we decided to drive to Barker Dam in Joshua Tree. (I was stationed at 29 Palms CA)
I remember a stagnant (it may not have been )looking pool of water surrounded by boulders. A couple of the guys were swimming (wading) in it. I went behind a rock to take a piss and my bowels let go! I come out from behind the rock screaming, "TOM, (one of the guys names) I SHIT MY PANTS, I SHIT MY FUCKING PANTS!!! Luckily the guy that drove had a spare pair of pants in his trunk. I washed my ass in the stagnant pool, and we all went home.


Man, those were some good times!

7:46 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Anonymous - Advance and be recgonized,

or SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Keep hiding behind your anonymity, Spank Cheeks can "delete" you with the stroke of her claw-like finger!

7:55 AM  
Anonymous morgan freeman said...

Here you go, pants-shitter! Do your worst!

8:17 AM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Before i die i want someone to explain to me how beautiful women who seem to have it all together end up with douchebags.

8:31 AM  
Anonymous gemble said...

I'm guessing it was either the rock-star appeal or an enormous wang.

8:34 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Morgan Freeman! You're a troll, I'm not going to get into it with you. You'll have your fun here for a couple of hours and then move on to live under somebody elses bridge.

You have a good day!

8:44 AM  
Anonymous italian never shit himself stallion said...

I'm feel like a total asshole thats never shit himself.........

9:37 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

One time I shit in somebody else's pants. Does that count?

11:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm feel like? What a fucking retard, learn the english language before you post asshole.

1:18 PM  
Anonymous italian stallion said...

The above Anonymous was me by the way...........

1:18 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

stallion, are you trolling yourself?

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Stallion said...

Yea, I hate when a fuck up the english you no what I meen...........

3:21 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

walrus, i've gotten some flack (sweet, touching flack, but flack none the less) about my age.

you remember laugh-in from, like, nick at night, right?
i LIKE being the old bitch here. something kinky about playing with all you kids.

otherwise, dude, we need to find a retirement gossip site.
HAHAHAHA!
the evil one

1:07 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

You really knew Chris Robinson??

4:53 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home