Friday, August 18, 2006


On July 20, child actor Haley Joel Osment crashed his 1995 Saturn into a brick mailbox, rolling the vehicle and breaking his rib. TMZ broke the story yesterday that the LA County District Attorney will be filing criminal charges against the star of "The Sixth Sense." Osment was officially charged with:

1. Misdemeanor driving under the influence of alcohol.

2. Driving with a .08 blood alcohol level or higher, with an enhancement of driving with a .15 or higher.

3. Misdemeanor possession of marijuana while driving.

4. Driving under the age of 21 with a blood alcohol level of .05 or higher.

I'm sure that one thing stands out in your mind: he was driving a '95 Saturn? A Saturn? What the fuck? Did he make any money off that "Sixth Sense" gig? He may as well have been driving a rusted-out minivan, or maybe a ten-speed with a baby seat on the back.

Besides, I thought the entire point of being a movie star was to have enough money to make other people do things for you. Like a butler, or a chaffeur -- someone who you can order to drive you around at two in the morning, piss-drunk and high, without ever having to involve the boys in blue. Then you can officially surpass boring things like "alcohol" and "pot" for the good stuff like "Taiwanese prostitutes" and "heroin."



Anonymous italian Stallion said...

You are one funny chick.............

Black tar heroin rules...........

Just kidding, I've done a lot of drug's in my 28 years, not so much anymore but when I was younger, and there are things that I will never touch. Heroin, crack, meth, and huffing paint are the ones. Just thought I let ya'll know that, because I'm still fucked up this morning from the Ravens game last night and I tend to talk a lot when I am.................

8:32 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

Stallion -

You've not tried anything 'till you've huffed gas. Fucks you up. Never touched meth, though.

I concur. Spanks, you rule!

8:34 AM  
Blogger pinky_nip said...

I smoke sausage.

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Stallion said...

Italian sausage?

9:13 AM  
Blogger pinky_nip said...


9:16 AM  
Anonymous ladykilla said...

At least he didn't call a cop "sugartits" or rail against the jews.

11:44 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

The reasons he drives a saturn is because he blew all his money on drugs.
Either that or he thinks his car is AWESOME!
I am surprised it's not a Honda Accord. Those things get good gas mileage.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

on point -- the 95 saturn.

i got respect for a dude that is confident enough to drive that ... granted it might mean he's lonely or shunned from getting any affection for a time of ownership and two years thereafter (residual effect), but still responsible and economic.


4:48 PM  
Anonymous gemble said...

Anonymous, I wish you'd reveal yourself, because what you said was fuckin hilarious! LMAO!

10:48 AM  

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