SPANK CHEEKS

Friday, August 18, 2006

KATE HUDSON DIARY EXCLUSIVE

By now, you've heard the rumors that Owen Wilson is to blame for Kate Hudson's and Chris Robinson's separation. I'm sure you've wbeen wondering why she decided to bail on a marriage of six years for a kindling romance -- lucky for you, that time that Chris started tic-ing and shit his pants, I snuck upstairs into Kate's bedroom and stole a page from her diary. It turns out she had several good reasons for leaving her husband for Owen. Ten good reasons, in fact.

FROM KATE HUDSON'S TOP SECRET DIARY:

Top Ten Reasons Owen is better than Chris

10. They don't call him "The Butterscotch Stallion" for nothin'.

9. He's easier to confuse.

8. "Hansel: he's so hot right now."

7. Two-hour rim jobs

6. Won't be mistaken for Osama Bin Laden's hippie younger brother.

5. "Heroin-chic" just doesn't work on men.

4. I'll still get to smoke the doobie.

3. Doesn't smell of patchouli.

2. Never having to hear "Hard to Handle" again live.

1. That nose has to go somewhere in a 69.

20 Comments:

Anonymous mork said...

LOL!

8:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehehehehehehehehehe

8:35 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

Spanks I love you!

8:40 AM  
Anonymous owen wilson said...

Fuck yeah!

8:49 AM  
Blogger sonya said...

I hate patchouli. The worst freakin smell that people intentionally put on themselves. There used to be this Native American guy when I worked at HOme Depot named Oscar Meyer who wore this headband with some beads dangling from it and he freakin reeked of patchouli.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

I need a shoehorn!!!

10:02 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

...and a shot!

Somebody get me a shot!!

10:04 AM  
Blogger chillytatas said...

A two hour rim job? He's got to be on E.

10:43 AM  
Anonymous ladykilla said...

Or else he has the smallest dick ever and he was trying to distract her from it.

11:39 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Hey! Small dicks aside, which would YOU rather get a "butterscotch" from? That question is for the ladies not you fags.

2:49 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

I'm fairly sure I'd fuck Owen. He's dirty, a total scumbag, with a fugly schnozz, but, yeah. I'd fuck him.

3:02 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Stallion said...

Dragulf, only a fag would want to know that shit dude, take after your brother or what?

3:10 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

O.k., I don't know what any woman would see in Owen Wilson. My guess is he's microscopic and had to get a reputation for being good at something in bed.

Plus, if he keeps the ladies turned the other way, he doesn't have to deal with the giggling, pointing, and inevitable searching for the magnifying glass they need to find his package.

4:06 PM  
Anonymous RoRo said...

Kate Hudson just loves the men with girly hair, why wouldn't she love Owen? Even her kid looks like a little girl

6:13 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

twizz, baby, pay attention!
he's "funny"

and if you think about it, one of my favorite robin williams'
jokes is (sorry, the visual works SO much better)

point to the member in question and LLAAAUUGHHH hysterically.

oh, shit, i'm missing "house". love a brilliant guy hooked on vicodin. been there, done that, lost my tee shirt in a 3 way with ninj and the damn monkey.
where the HELL did i put my perc???

i give up, y'all , now i'm trying too hard.
somebody let me know if ninj ever shows up. i'm still missing a pair of panties and a rather expensive bottle of courvoisier, XO. if that damn monkey has them, ninj is going to PAY!

hi, janey. walrus, you may have a future.... i reserve judgement for now.
mostly, i want my booze and knickers back..........

1:36 AM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

yeah, ninj seems to have gotten us all over here and left...where is he? still stuck in the Ozarks??

And Owen is funny, sort of...but I prefer a large c--k to a sense of humor.

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I prefer a large cock to a large brain. In fact, I always prefer a large cock. The only thing it could possibly lose out to is a large bank account.

10:40 AM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

anonymous, lol. A large bank account is always helpful. But...

I still vote for the cock.

11:44 AM  
Blogger ladyambar said...

hmmm... nah, I still vote for cock.

At least you can go with a peaceful smile everywhere.

9:31 PM  

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