SPANK CHEEKS

Saturday, August 12, 2006

LINDSAY'S MOM IS THE NEW WHITE OPRAH

Dina Lohan is not a celebrity -- her claim to shame is being Firecrotch McSkank's mother -- but don't try to tell her she's not small screen material. Dina is currently shopping her very own "white Oprah" talk show around. She says,
"I have a talk show in the works. I would host it and co-produce it. It's a good heartwarming show. It's nothing trashy... it's a girl-empowered, woman show. I would only do something that would help other people, because that's just who I am and how I was raised. I think the public would listen to me before someone who doesn't live it - you need someone who lives it."
Ri-ight. I'll just ask your idiot daughter exactly what you mean by that. Does "living it" include "fucking every available bachelor in Hollywood" and "doing enough blow to be hospitalized for exhaustion"? What about "not showing up for work" or "spending the day boxing outside in your bikini"?

Well, if it entails "being a giant-granny-panty-flashing firecrotch", then count me in, Dina. I've always wanted to add "firecrotch" to my repetoire. You know, to prove I'm well-rounded and versatile. I'll just put that under "skills" right here on my resume, next to "fluent in Spanish," "Microsoft Windows proficient," and "gives a wicked good blowjob."

Source

11 Comments:

Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Fifteen minutes???

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She looks like a "lot lizard," those prostitutes you see at truck stops.

10:00 AM  
Anonymous gemble said...

Your resume sounds a lot like mine, but I also have "double penetration" and "webbed fingers" under skills.

10:03 AM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

The show won't be trashy, huh? Clearly she will never have her firecrotch offspring as a guest. That would take the wholesome image down a crotch, er, notch or two, don't ya think?

10:14 AM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

I sure would like to kick her in the snatch.

11:20 AM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

I thought Oprah was the White Oprah.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous ninja's grandma said...

So I'm guessing no "send my wild teen to boot camp" or "KKK Christmas."

2:21 PM  
Anonymous Italian Motherfucking Stallion said...

I think I would fuck her mom instead of her, which I guess would make me a motherfucker..............

5:51 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL @ Stallion!

10:02 PM  
Blogger ladyambar said...

What a coincidence, gemble! Mine include DVDA. To be so skilled like we are... What a bliss!

12:10 AM  

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