SPANK CHEEKS

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

SPANK IT YOURSELF 8.29.06


If you thought playing "Slater" on Saved by the Bell was the gayest thing Mario Lopez has ever done, think again. (Dlisted)

See Tara Reid humilated. Again. (TMZ)

Matthew Broderick breaks his collarbone in a fall from a horse. No, a real horse, not Sarah Jessia Parker. (People)

Matt LeBlanc is being sued by a stripper for "defamation." No, not "defecation," defamation. Although no word on who actually defecated on his acting career. (A Socialite's Life)

If watching Angelina faux-orgasming while applying lip gloss doesn't make you want to buy Shiseido, nothing will. (MollyGood)

54 Comments:

Anonymous nipples said...

?Primero?

I thought coming to the Tennessee Southern Women's Show as a "special guest" was the gayest thing Mario Lopez ever did. No shit, he really did that.

12:07 PM  
Anonymous gemble said...

SO GAYS GUYS RIDE HORSES, THEN?

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Sephora..here i cum...

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think nip/tuck sucks. I don't get the appeal. Mario Lopez has a nice ass though.

2:34 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Showering next to another man does not make you gay.

Hovering over another man holding your butt cheeks over their erect penis then in a 'snap' thrusting down with their hips onto the penis, followed by the phrase, yelled out loud, ((Snap Dragon))

That makes you gay.

ninj

2:36 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

I can't make fun of Matt LeBlanc given he is on my list of one of the greatest actors ever. Others on the list include: Joey Lawrence, Tony Danza, Steve Guttenberg and my lunch lady Doreen.

2:45 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Ninja -- you forgot Bob Saget! How can you forget Bob Saget? It's like forgetting Jesus.

2:48 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

Wow. Mario has a very munchable buttocks. Mm.

4:08 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

I fucking love Bob Saget.
Thanks for reminding me.
I can't believe I forgot.
What would I ever do without you.

One of my favorite websites is:

www.bobsagetisgod.com

ninj

p.s. Thanks for the hummer

4:55 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Holy crap ninj, when I was but a wee lad, my parents called my left ringtoe " Sligogilgonk-Brobdingnagian-Arsehole-Corsair!"

Sadly, I'm without a right ringtoe.

Farming accident.

Wasn't pretty.



Coincidently, "Butt Fuck Sluts Go Nuts" vol XIV (but just vol 14) is one of my top 5 favorite movies.

Small world.

5:05 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Anonymous: Yes, the thread about hating stupid ass niggers with jungle nipples is relatively new, and the blowjobs are always good.

Walrus: A man has to have priorities.

You were also the first person to spell Sligogilgonk-Brobdingnagian-Arsehole-Corsair correctly.

I commend you.

You don't happen to have, "Butt Fuck Sluts Go Nuts" vol. IX do you? That one is a bitch to find.

ninj

5:46 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Ninj, all your talk makes my clit wiggle.

5:56 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

People who post anonymously aren't real posters. They're just here to pad Spank Cheeks books. (Like seat fillers at the award shows.)

cock-n - I spelled "Sligogilgonk-Brobdingnagian-Arsehole-Corsair" from memory!
The 'rents had me learn it for insurance reasons.

I have "Butt Fuck Sluts Go Nuts" vol. IX, but it's on loan, and the "friend" has had it for 2 months, 27 days, 18 hours 48 minutes and (checks watch) 27, 28, 29... seconds,
but who's counting?

6:03 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

ladyjane: I don't think it's your clit that's wiggleing, more like your meat curtains, or piss flaps, or perhaps you prefer, axe wound, gash, slit, bat cave, alcove, bear trap, chuff box, tampon socket, moose knuckle, crawl space, cockpit, salmon canyon ...

"Open those wiggleing beef curtains I'm going in for a delectable loose meat sandwich!"

I'd fuck the shit out of you all day mi siwie canuck de labia majora!!!


smooooooochies,

ninj.

6:09 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Walrus: You are funny again? Thank-god!

6:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Anonymous" smells like that "kazoo" asswipe.

I say that anonymously b/c that is irony, not because I'm too much of a dillhole to leave my name.

6:30 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

i said it before, any man who waxes more than I do is a bonesmuggling butt pirate. Mario Lopez just happens to be worst of all because gay latinos are, well, latinos who are gay and that's bad for everyone.

6:47 PM  
Anonymous mysterious kazzoo said...

It's 'Kazzoo' not 'Kazoo', you idiots can spell 'Sligogilgonk' but you can't spell Kazzoo!

6:50 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Biatcho, Is this your first post here? Welcome.

you may know me better as Hopeless_Screenwriter from the fish.

you must have received my message.

Come aboard there is so much hot ass here you would not believe it!

ninj

6:58 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Kazzoo--

Do you really want me to point out your erroneous use of an apostrophe in the grammar post? God knows, being picky is so DAMN much fun.

Christ, I can't stand apostrophe abuse.

7:02 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

what up hopeless cockninja... yeah i'm a spanking new virgin (wow, been a looong time ince i could say that), but I won't be one of those dicklickers that claims firsties.
I was sick of hearing suicidal yell at me so I figured when in rome... i still don't know what that means.

7:03 PM  
Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

It means "fuck every Roman you come across."

Welcome Biatcho! And Apacherose!

7:15 PM  
Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

I can spell "Get off this site ka-TOOL." Best I could do with "kaZZoo." ;P

7:16 PM  
Blogger Peter Chen said...

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7:18 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

too bad i don't like italians! fuck those greaseballs.

7:23 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

One of my best friends is named Peter, he likes it when I choke him until he gets sick and throws up.

welcome Peter

ninj

7:23 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Peter, peter, hair pie eater...

8:14 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

All my best friends are named peter.

TGLTC

8:28 PM  
Anonymous Italian Stallion said...

I'm with Biatcho, fuck those greasy Wop's...........

9:02 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...

I love fucking greasy wop's, they are naturally lubed up. Anyone got a sister?

Plus, when you tell them to "Make me a fuckin' stromboli, eh?" after sex, they do it.

In other news (for real news) a friend of mine wrestled Mario Lopez when he was in High School for his San Diego high school. Said after Lopez effortlessly pinned my nameless friend, Pat, the winning Lopez fondled my bud's sack and licked his ear.

They dated for a few weeks.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

anonymousownsyou- This IS SpankCheeks day job. We reward her very well to "entertain" us with her sharp tongue and a rapist's wit. Her McFlapps are second to none!
If you don't enjoy the site... there's the door.

biatcho- You sexy New Yorker, suicidal here, it's about time. I wanted to give you your virginal spanking, but ninja beat me to it... again.
I'm orginally from N.Y. (Go METS) but now reside in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Alot of Nicole Richie look alikes.

ninja- The funny 'cums' and goes in 'spurts'.

Hi twzzlr!! I'm glad TGLWGC.

I love "nipples" too.

9:33 PM  
Anonymous mysterious kazzoo said...

I've just doused myself in gasoline. Does anyone have a match?

9:33 PM  
Anonymous myaterious kazzoo said...

Anyone, anyone?

9:33 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

I have a pistol that I was about to turn on myself. Will that do? I'll need it back.

9:40 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Wait! Did I delete my own witty comment? Well, since it's not here anymore, I said that you were all a bunch of third graders and that this blogger should quit her day job.

Then I bent over and let some guy ram his dick up my ass.

9:44 PM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

Who let this cunt over here?! GAAHH.

9:51 PM  
Anonymous asshat magnet said...

Ohh.. 2 12-year olds to the rescue! Wow, I have a computer and a 20 word vocabulary! Imagine that!

9:53 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Who the hell left the door open for any idiot off the street to crash our party?

Christ.

10:29 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...

Lady Jane, how the cunt are ya?

I figured it out, that fucking sick bastard Karr just got let out of Boulder county jail, and the first thing he did was hit up the net. Be glad he is on here, and not marrying 13 year olds, soliciting child porn or masturbating to fantasies of 6-year old dead child-models. Don't worry, his pederast mind will soon be owned by the State of California, and we can go back to being the sexy, funny cuntastic folk we are.

On behalf of the granola eating fucktards of the Boulder County Justice system, I would like to apologize for this temporary, humourless ass-pimple. Even though I don't live in that waste of space that is Boulder County.

10:47 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

Spanks, I think it's time to excercise your tyrannical right to DELETE. Just a suggest.

xoxoxo
aka jane's eyre

11:42 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

spanks...go on that site we like and match up the visits to the post times and see who the dillweed is.

12:27 AM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

The iron fist is coming down, people. And I'm not talking about those hand jobs of anon. For the rest of this week or until the troll kills itself, all comments must now bow down and be subjugated before my sceptor of approval.

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Dang, I stay away for one day and the trolls popped out from under bridges. It's probably all the morons that consider Superman Returns an great and satisfying action movie.

11:10 AM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

LOL your approval...that and a dime will get you..well, it will get you the new Paris Hilton Song!! LMAO.

No talent hack on board!

Racist blog artist...don't worry, I am not going away! Woohoo.

5:10 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Hehe...you can run a blog just like you write....badly! ROTFLMAO.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Hehe...you can run a blog just like you write....badly! ROTFLMAO.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Hehe...you can run a blog just like you write....badly! ROTFLMAO.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Hehe...you can run a blog just like you write....badly! ROTFLMAO.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Hehe...you can run a blog just like you write....badly! ROTFLMAO.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Hehe...you can run a blog just like you write....badly! ROTFLMAO.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Hehe...you can run a blog just like you write....badly! ROTFLMAO.

5:11 PM  
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6:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Peter likes it up the butt.
On his face.
In his mouth.
Multiple men.

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Peter likes it up the butt.
On his face.
In his mouth.
Multiple men.

7:15 PM  

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