SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

SPANK IT YOURSELF 8.30.06


Meredith Viera signs her death warrant. (E!)

John Voight confuses his adopted granddaughter with a Latin pop singer. (Dlisted)

Official KISS makeup kits will be available in September. Now, to find a black spandex body suit with interlocking rings and chain detailing. (TMZ)

Jessica Simpson manages to find an outfit even more hideous than the paisley housecoat in the previous post. (Hollywood Tuna)

A Beyonce barely-there nipple slip. More like an "areola sighting." (Yeeeah!)

Katie Couric looks 40 pounds heavier before photoshop. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

"Bong Hits for Jesus?" Hell yes. It's your constitutional right. (MSN)*

See Scarlett Johannsen making out with sea creatures in Bob Dylan's new video. (Best Week Ever)

Some random reader who loves babies sent me this. I don't know what the hell it is, but until my BlogAds come through, I'll put your shit out there. "Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day." Or some shit like that. (LilDuckDuck)

*link courtesy of the spankalicious Zanna

31 Comments:

Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

Stupid anonymousownsyou/asshatmagnet/kazzoo ruins everything. What's the turnaround on the comment time, Spanks?

12:14 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

With all the twat kicking I'm gonna have to do, I'll need titanium toed twat-kicking boots.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Mama Duck said...

ROTFL!! It's probably that we are hosting the Carnival of the Vanities today. Anyway, thanks for the link to our ducky home ;).

1:24 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

holy crap!
what did i miss??
y'all know how i love a good troll frappe'!




buns

1:37 PM  
Anonymous jesus said...

Sorry, satin shirt or no, I'd still let Chestica play with my cock. And my balls. My cock-and-balls.

1:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ducks suck.

1:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have we been relinquished from the you-know-what? Joy! Keep it a sceret.

1:49 PM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

Scarlett is as fat as that walrus. She has what is known as a "pig face." It's her nose.

2:42 PM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

Scarlett is as fat as that walrus. She has what is known as a "pig face." It's her nose.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

Argh! Fucking blogger! Sorry about the double postage.

2:43 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

I never thought I would masturbate to the CBS evening news. Sept. 5th can't cum fast enough. Katie is one serious MILF.

Speaking of Milf's. Bunny, welcome back I hope your hysterectomy went well.

Spanks: I told you the trolls would come. All the best blogs have them.

Also: It's not the photo that is posted that matters, even if the photos are a bit outdated, so what. It's the way you make the alphabet dance that keeps me coming back.

However, I might just be saying that because you are so fucking hot, and you give incredible head.

ninj

3:11 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Thanks, ninja. A funny picture is a funny picture, and if it has Paris Hilton crying or digging at her cooter, then it's going up. Period.

3:22 PM  
Anonymous Stallion said...

I would love to do bong hit's with jesus. If he can turn one piece of bread into enough to feed all those Jews, imagine what the fucker could do with an Italian Cold Cut. Or some nachos, wow we would have the best munchies after said bong hit's. Don't even get me started on the water thing. Us Italians love us some wine..............

4:04 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

I did bong hits with Jesus yesterday. It was pretty awesome. Then we huffed some VCR head cleaner and drank a fifth of vodka, and when I woke up, my wallet and DVD player were gone. Along with the Christ.

If you see Jesus, tell him I'm pissed. And also tell him that "disappearing panties" miracle was fucking lame.

4:19 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Stallion: Fuck that! Imagine what he could do with a gram of 'Chronic'!!!

4:21 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

That shirt that Jessica is wearing looks like a maternity gown tucked into her shorts. I'm honestly beginning to think that Nick dressed her in the morning.

And what trolling did I miss? I'm missing all the important things, here.

Twizz

4:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you remember "iambananas" from the fish and her multiple personalities, that's what you missed. Stupid cunt crops up like a case of genital warts.

4:57 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Twizz: You also missed the ass eating fantasy me and walrus had with you where you had multiple Trigasms!

ninj

5:30 PM  
Anonymous My Well Rehearsed Mistake said...

Hope it's ok if I linger quietly in the corner of the party. I can't believe the evil troll was over here waiting to get him/herself spanked. I thought the Superfish was nice & quiet.

Jon Voight forgetting his own adopted grandkids name has to be the best story of the week. I know Brangelina don't let him near them but he should at least know their names!

5:59 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

Jessica Simpson looks like nothing more than an overly tanned, annoying jewish woman from Boca Raton (oxymoron, I know). And if you're gonna have big tits, don't have a big everything else because it makes you look like a heifer. She's so fat! I just want to kick her right in the vag with uber-pointy shoes.

6:22 PM  
Anonymous My Well Rehearsed Mistake said...

Although it sounds like fun, I wouldn't want my foot anywhere near that vag of hers... Not after Papa Joe, Nasty Nick, Jackass Crew and countless other ugly men have been there. You'd have to disinfect your foot after with strong chemicals.

6:42 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Oohh, multiple trigasms. I'm all tingly just thinking about it.

I'm gonna quit my job and spend all day on spankcheeks. it might be more fulfilling.

6:47 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Or just plain filling ;)

ninj

6:51 PM  
Anonymous sexpot said...

I love that John Voight thinks Shakira and Zahara sound alike. It's alike saying all black people look the same or something!

My ex-boyfriend freakin loved Kiss. If I hear Rock and Roll All Night one more time I'm going to find Gene Simmons and stab him in the crotch with a rusty nail.

Its sad when your barber dresses better than you and has better hair than you!

LilDuck, your stuff is too cute, but I think your not on the right site to make money off baby announcements!

6:55 PM  
Anonymous petemclochness said...

KISS is the hottest band in the world.

7:41 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Absolutely -- fill me up...

8:19 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Lick my cunt! Lick my cunt! Aah, aah, yeah!

Actually, the lyrics might be "Lick it up." I can't remember. I usually always make everything about my cunt.

8:21 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

ninj, twzzlr- I'm just glad to be in there somewhere.

My Well Rehearsed Mistake- Welcome, My Well Rehearsed Friend.
I enjoyed reading your stuff over on the Fish.

Love ya Stallion

8:55 PM  
Anonymous remmy rifkin said...

That is one fucking ugly shirt. School marm plus -- a satin parachute. But I'd still give her a taste of the man-meat. Gently, so as not to stain the aqua sheath with the buttons.

10:23 PM  
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8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3:55 PM  

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