SPANK CHEEKS

Monday, August 21, 2006

SPANK IT YOURSELF

Tara Reid reaches new lows. Two new lows. (Hollywood Tuna)

Sanrio launches its "Hello Kitty" Paris Hilton doll, replete with a pet crab that lives under her skirt. Next action item? Creating a figurine for her pet "Herpe." (City Rag)

You'd better not spit on Busta Rhymes' car. (TMZ)

For those of you who didn't get to see the Teen Choice Awards, watch K-Fed "Lose Control." (Perez Hilton)

How can you score a movie role if you don't know how to act? Just show your boobies -- it worked for Christina Ricci. (Yeeeah!)

Paris Hilton begins a campaign against STD's. Has irony lost its f-ing mind? (Female First)

35 Comments:

Anonymous GEMBLE said...

PET NAMED CRABBY? OUT-FUCKING-STANDING. THERE'S SOME IRONY FOR YOU. WAIT... THAT IS IRONY, RIGHT?

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tara Reid boobs are sagging as low as Federfuck's pants... and they're just about as classy. I think Busa Bus should pay Federfuck a little visit and 'lose control' on his cracka ass... he's so amped on 'roids he'll think he's beating on a random Meth addict. Oh wait...

12:32 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

I made it almost 3 minutes watching K-Fed's performance before I put my fist thru the screen.

I didn't think it could get worse than PopoZoa, but I was wrong.

He makes Vanilla Ice look black.

12:45 PM  
Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

I come back to this? I've missed so much!

I pretty much gave up on you during the move. I'm glad you kept the dream alive. Your blog is awesome.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Ice was Mozart compared to this mother fucker!

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Saucie said...

I think that Herpe should be a miniature Herve Villechez (Welcome to Fantasy Island)figurine dressed in his little white suit but with a rhinestone collar and leash. He could have a pull string that said, "Boss, de pain, DE PAIN!" You know how those little blisters can be scorching.

1:34 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

"The reality TV star has shaken off her raunchy reputation after her 1 NIGHT IN PARIS sex tape with RICK SALOMON was exposed in 2004, and is reinventing herself as a positive female role model."

has shaken off?? HAS? As in past fucking tense???


Sweet tap-dancing Christ....

2:19 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Gravity Works on those sagbags. Almost like this woman I saw in a grocery store, only her ass was saggy like TR's tits. Nasty!

I am surprised Shitney didn't have poo-poo draped on her arm as usual.

2:22 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

that dress would fit me SO much better! because, you know, i have FABULOUS...

and i once won a major award after sending in pictures of hot bunny sex. REALLY! a nice young officer came and delivered it himself! the neighbors all came out and applauded. the lovely bracelets were a tad uncomfortable, but i was able to exhange them for this lovely orange junpsuit. which does not do justice to my, um, see above.

ninj, the monkey is out of control. if he touches my lipstick one more time, i swear i'm shooting him.
i love mondays.

2:44 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

jumpsuit.


stupid monkey.

2:45 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

The only way Kfuck has a chance at making any thing to put to "music" is by repeating phrases over and over to fill the time slot.
PoPoPopozoa

Lets just get it get it.. Get it it..

Like get it the fuck out maybe?

Evil Bunny, maybe you should send that out of control monkey Kfeds way. Let him Lose Control over there. Of course you will probably end up seeing monkey in the next tabloid posts. For Shitney will mistake it for poo-poo.

2:58 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

************************
Bunny: Glad you corrected that I was trying to figure out if you were perhaps studying some new eastern religion.

You have Bimbo? I thought the Granny's murdered Bimbo when they murdered Hannoush. Or perhaps Helga took him with her to Poland as her personal pussy shearer.
*************************

Twizz -- sorry if I abandoned you, it seems like everyone here seems to like you according to my E-mails. I have this weird cyber-sense that tells me that you have the cutest vagina. But I'm having trouble picturing your rack!

Walrus: You are becoming more and more asswipe-ish everyday. You are embarrassing me! Do we have to go back to the basics with you using just your tongue? If you have difficulty getting your mouth to move in a smooth, free-flowing manner, practice with marbles in your mouth.

Cherries and Berries

ninj

3:16 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Awww, thanks Ninj.

As for my rack -- 36C. Does that help? And my vagina is adorable, lol.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

oh crap. you mean this is somebody else's monkey?
i just took his word that he was bimbo.

zeze: i couldn't do that to the monkey. that would just be wrong in so many ways.


buns

3:50 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Bunny: It might be BIMBO. It's hard to tell, most monkeys look alike. Ooops, that sounded racist didn't it? I would like the jury to strike that last comment from the record.

Spanks: Why didn't you tell me that plastic surgeons are using 'lead' for breast implants. I'm always the last to know.

Twizz: Breasts are like stress balls from heaven. 36C. Nice. I hope they are not made of lead, and they don't beat the fuck-hell out of you when you go jogging.

smoochies,

ninj

4:32 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

ninja- To quote the evil bunny from another post,

"BITE ME"!!!




Anastasia Beaverhausen - Were you ridiculed growing up because of your name?

And, have you met cock-ninja/

I'm thinking, with names like COCK-ninja and BEAVERhausen, it would be a match made in heaven!!!

4:52 PM  
Blogger UpInYoGrillFoShizzle said...

Paris against STDs?

THats like Christians against Christ.... WTF...

6:00 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

On the contrary, I was quite popular growing up. I think it had something to do with my shaven beaver.

No I have not met cock-ninja. But I never met a cock (or a ninja) that I didn't like.

6:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How could anyone not see Paris Hilton is great female role model for abstinence and purity?! Is it because she blew some guy on tape? Or was it the time when she was a bigtime media skank whore? Or how about when she flashed her vaginny at every camera in sight 800.000+ times? Come on, that doesn't say anti-std as much as it says pro-std......Oh.

6:29 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

********************
Walrus: You are acting like Tommy Gunn from Rocky 5! Are you selling out? And Spanks even offered you some meth and a free blowjob, what more do you want? She didn't charge you for the meth did she? Spanks?
**************************

Anastasia: Happy to meat you. Looking forward to a long, luminous, languid, lasting and engorging relationship.

(Holy Aloaderation)

ninj

6:45 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

penisnose-ninja - Perhaps you didn't read the blowjob/meth post CORRECTLY.

I was offered them in lieu of services rendered.

I opted for the "twzzl" of my anus from twzzlrgirl. (It was outstanding!!!)


Here's one right up your alley.

What's the most confusing day in the projects?



Father's day!

7:31 PM  
Anonymous FunnyButFuckedUP said...

How would they know what the father looked like anyway, they all look alike.

7:46 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

PooPoohead Walrus: Have we resorted to name calling? I'm so hurt.

O.k. let's work on your abandonment issues, come rest your head on my lap, and tell me what's bothering you.

Lost your shoe horn. You want to felch my asshole with a twizzler straw. Get the fuck off my lap you sick fuck! Now beat it.


yours truly,

Mr. Penisnose

8:03 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Mr. Ninja,

I too am looking forward to an "engorging" realtionship, if you know what I mean.

Yours,

Ana Beaver

8:10 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Ninj -- breasts not made of lead -- they are REAL.

And I don't jog for exercise...I have sex. It's a great workout.

8:16 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Mr cock- - Check your e-mail. If my "crack" staff is correct and uncovered the rock which your email address was hidden under, then I'll have to reward them!

If not, then it said,


"FUCK YOU"



Tara reid has tits like Sharon Tate.

8:38 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Evil Bunny.
I appologize I dont know what I was thinking. It might have possibly been the fact that i had just closed out the video from the "preformance" and I use that term loosely.

All the flashing lights, and cracker crotch grabbing threw me for a loop.
I officially apologize to your and monkey.
It just should never have been said.
Do you forgive me?

8:55 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

I had me some hot sex last night....

Being very good at yoga has many benefits.

10:41 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

Geez, who went all jihad on Tara's twin towers?

waa waa waaaaaaa...

11:22 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

z-
all is forgiven. anyway it seems to be a stray monkey, if ninj is right and the granny's killed bimbo (god bless them if they did, i was NOT going to get stuck cleaning puke off that stupid primate again! or the monkey, either (sorry, ninj).

and, darlin', my friends call me buns. or bunny. or bunny-bun-buns. i just reserve the right to be evil.
(psssst! i'll let you know when i'm evil)

walrus-- that's MINE. heavily copyrighted. me, crow and and couple of geeks from cal tech own that whole "bite me" thing.
ninj knows. but he is not to explain it. ooooh, ninj, if we get any tighter

holy crap. did anybody ever find my panties from the other night?

(psssst! i'll let you know when i'm evil)

ninj, i wouldn't go for the "penis nose" moniker. somehow, it ruins the fantasy.

okay, humor me. who got the "crow" reference?

2:40 AM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Bunny-
I wasnt sure if i was part of the group to be able to call you Buns, or any of the previous mentions. Just went with the full moniker as a last resort.

7:44 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

MST3000?

12:27 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

very good, d. i knew that one was too easy! ah, a fellow MSTY!

believe me, z, i've been called worse. besides, we're all a big, dysfunctional family here.

5:34 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Sadly I know about that retarded show because my best friend (and his wife) would watch it daily. When it was on or from the tapes they had recorded. Watching it once is semi funny, after the 4th or fifth time it gets very stale.

It's Dragulf (blending of Dragon and Wolf) The site does show it as capitalised if ya read the comments a different way.

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get yours FREE Today!

2:33 AM  

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