SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

STEP INSIDE THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF THE REALITY SHOW DIVORCE

I've never been a big fan of reality shows. Or MTV, for that matter, after they stopped showing "Beavis and Butthead" in the late '90s. It's pretty much just PBS and porn for me. Anyway, I've never actually seen "Meet the Barkers," but I kinda wish I had after I got the chance to read Travis' MySpace rant about his soon-to-be ex-wife, Shanna Moakler.

A little background, for those of you who also prefer historical documentaries and double penetration: the couple had been yelling at each other in public for months - occasionally even getting into screaming matches at clubs - and now they're taking turns lambasting each other via the media and the wonderful world of blogging.

These are the highlights of Travis' actual MySpace rant, courtesy of Perez Hilton. The rant mysteriously disappeared yesterday afternoon - probably after his PR manager told him he sounded like a complete douche and that MySpace is for fourteen year old girls and faggots -- but it will remain forever in the blogosphere courtesy of celebrity gossip sites like mine. Enjoy.

"WHAT IT IS 4 THE RECORD...

- What's happnin'...gotta say this is wierd for me. I've never blogged or left a journal, or had my own website for EVERYBODY to read. I've always expressed my self thru my music/drums.

- I've never had anybody flat out lie about me or say things so FOUL in the press either so there is a first for everything.

- It's important to me what my fans think.

- We stand up for ourselves...when someone pushes you/us, NO MATTER HOW BIG we stand up and push right back before we let them have it....right?

- Well im here to set the record straight about my divorce for anybody wondering Here i will give you a walk in my life with Shanna Moakler.

- It starts around 5:30.(SHANNA SLEEPING) i wake up and get my babies....we play wit dinosaurs, numbers, we change dirty dipers, it's the best.

- Around 7am our oldest gets up(SHANNA SLEEPING). She gets ready for school and i make her "coffee milk" and a bagel. the other babies are knee deep in eggies and applesauce.

- SHANNA DOESN'T EVEN TAKE HER DAUGHTER TO SCHOOL, her ASSISTANT DOES.

- At 8am our nanny comes in, she is the best, at 9am we go on a walk, me and my son...we find pine cone tree's. At 10am i go to breakfast meeting.

- At 11am (SHANNA SLEEPING) i return from breakfast and kiss the babies goodbye, it's time to drive to [work].

- I get back from [work] round' 2pm and i head over to my studio. (SHANNA IS JUST NOW GETTING UP:) SHANNA GOES TO GET NAILS DONE WIT HER ASSISTANT.

- During the hours from2pm-5pm im @ my $tudio working on the 44 record(my new band) in studio A and in B i produce trax for TOO- SHORT,B-REAL, PAUL WALL, TI, SKINHEAD ROB...it's my passion, music is everything to me.

- Round 6pm i have dinner wit the babies and my nanny, (SHANNA IS M.I.A. NOTE TO SELF....SHE IS NOT AT WORK..SHE WORKED 6 TIMES IN THE LAST 4 YEARS, ROUND 8PM I USUALLY RECIEVE A TEXT SAYING SHE'S GOING OUT TO DINNER)

- I'm now going to play an X-GAMES party for DC SHOES wit my boy DJAM. By the way....we are working/performing. It's now 11pm, we are going on....we kill it, we have so much fun. (WHO KNOWS WHERE MY WIFE IS AT THIS POINT, CAN U TAKE ANY GUESS')

- Around 1am i get home....NO SHANNA, JUST THE SMELL OF PERFUME LIKE GNARLY. MY NANNY IS STILL AT THE HOUSE...(THIS NANNY IS ALSO TO REFERRED TO AS MOMMY at times:(). I SHOWER AND GET INTO BED, ROUND 3:30 AM MY WIFE GETS IN, DRUNK, LOUD CURSING CAUSE SHE HATES MY FRIENDS, HATES MY BANDS, MY WORK,HATES ME .... I GO TO BED AND REPEAT THIS EVERYDAY....

- MY BREKING POINT............

- That brings me to week ago, I CAME ACROSS CONDOMS(WE DONT USE CONDOMS EVER) I WAS INFORMED BY OUR REALITOR SHANNA WAS DOING DANCING WIT THE STARS?(why wouldn't she tell me right? A MYSPACE ACCOUNT?(WHERE SHE POSTS PIX OF OUR CHILDREN AND HER AND I HALF NAKED???????WIERD??? A MYSPACE AFFAIR WIT SOME guy(DORK) AND RUMORS OF HER CHEATING.

- IMM'A LAY IT OUT... I LOST MY MOTHER TO CANCER AT 16, IT BROKE MY FUCKING HEART. MY PARENTS WERE IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING DIVORCED WHEN THIS HAPPENED. WITH THAT BEING SAID.....I WANT NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR MY CHILDEREN. I WANT THE BEST MOMMY EVER FOR THEM....I TRIED, I WENT TO THERAPY WIT SHANNA.

- I LOVE SHANNA VERY MUCH, SO MUCH I HAD TO LEAVE CAUSE I'M NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON TO STAY IN A SITUATION THATS UNFAIR AND UNFIT TO BUILD A FAMILY.

- I NEVER WANTED THIS....NEVER. MY HEART IS BROKEN AND A DREAM OF MINE IS GONE.

- I'M NOT SURE WHAT TOMMORROW HOLDS, YOU NEVER DO....STAY UP-I LOVE U GUYS.
Tr@vi$


Source

19 Comments:

Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

IMMA' LAY IT OUT...



W@lru$

7:13 AM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Is that a picture of his soon to be ex wife tatooed on the front of his neck??? Holy crap, what a dumb thing to do...

7:26 AM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

And now, i'm goin to the mall wit my daughter...see y'all.

8:34 AM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

You know, Spankcheeks..it's like you are in MY HEAD when you talk about historical documentaries and double penetration. Seriously.

NO REALLY.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Italian Stallion said...

How can this guy, look that rough, and have a Vagina?

9:26 AM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

You know, i think i saw a historical documentary on double penetration. Really. History channel...I've got it on tape somewhere.

10:23 AM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

How fucking long is this freak's neck?

Yikes.

10:34 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Yeah, his neck looks like one of those African Ubangee ring neck, plate lip women!!

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

A whiney giraffe necked pansy. No wonder she didn't want to be around him. After gangbanging with TOO- SHORT,B-REAL, PAUL WALL, TI, SKINHEAD ROB all day how could he possibly have time for her? Typical day my ass.

P.S. The kids aren't yours either.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

... ring necked, plate lipped???

10:51 AM  
Anonymous new guy said...

For a Miss Whatever She is, she sure is fucking ugly.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

I would leave my husband too if the fucker couldnt spell with.
It Has a damn H you moron!

I h8 ppl who tri 2 type kool.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

LOL...good one Dragulf...

Twzzlrgrl...SEND ME THE TAPE STAT.

3:07 PM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

Zeke I would leave my child if the kid couldn't spell. "Stop your crying, you fucking baby! I don't care if you're only 7! It's NO EXCUSE!"

3:24 PM  
Blogger Praz said...

That's so cute how her cheeks look like they're stuffed with nuts.

6:19 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

litelysalted you silly fool Its ZEZE not Zeke.

But seriously... yeah No excuse.

Maybe it was the needles jabbing his jugular area for the hideous tattoo of that so called woman that forced all sense of normalcy out of his brain.
WHO gets a tattoo there anyways?! Let alone of someone that looks like that

9:38 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Did anyone notice they have matching eyebrows?

9:39 PM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

Sorry bout that, Zeze. I have a habit of being kinda retarded...

7:58 AM  
Blogger ladyambar said...

Dang! That guy can tattoo Jesus Christ's last dinner on that neck.

11:19 PM  

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