Tuesday, August 29, 2006


Why is Paris crying, you ask? Well, she's crying because Cher's son told everybody that she's a dirty slut with a diseased cooter. Elijah Blue Allman informed Howard Stern last week that he banged the overexposed socialite pre-reality-star-famedom. Allman went on to say that he became so worried that he might have contracted herpes that he scrubbed his private parts with Tilex.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Is banged even a word?" Yes, it is, assholes. Banged is the simple past tense of "bang," although instinctively, I wanted to type "bung." Given that Elijah was banging (past progressive) the sluttiest whore in Slutterdom, it somehow seemed like a terrifically apropos word. The correct use of the words "bang" and "bung" is as follows:

Paris Hilton probably let Elijah Allman put it in her bung hole when he banged her.

Grammar lesson # 3161 compliments of Spank Cheeks. Study hard; there may be a pop quiz tomorrow.



Anonymous BUNGhole said...

I hate when people fuck up my name. BUNG hole, not BANGED hole. Simple, really.

7:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet here bung hole has herpes too.

8:35 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

I like seeing her cry. It makes me feel better.

9:31 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

That must be some God-awful powerful eyeliner she's wearing!

All those tears she's shedding and that stuff isn't even running.

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's because her makeup, like her, doesn't have a soul.

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

I am SO getting an A+ on the pop quiz tomorrow.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Italian Stallion said...

I just showed her my cock, and she got scared. Plus I told her she is not allowed to have it, and that brought on some extra tears............

11:29 AM  
Anonymous celebslam said...

Spanks were you my 7th grade English teacher? I remember that grammar lesson well.

In other news, visit my blog:


11:36 AM  
Blogger UpInYoGrillFoShizzle said...

Oh, sweet vindication. For how long have we declared her snatch a HazMat zone? Thank you Elijah....

12:06 PM  
Anonymous mysterious Kazzoo said...

I'll take my pop quiz now, thank-you.

Let's start with the sentence:

"Given whom Elijah was banging (past progressive), it somehow seemed like a terrifically apropos word."

Part 1.

"Who" and "Whoever are subjective pronouns; "Whom" and "Whomever" are in the objective case.

The subjective pronoun put's the horse (subject) before the cart (verb).

Thus the correct answer is "Who":
A pronoun that's in the nominative case, which simply means it's the subject of a verb (and all verbs have subjects, even if they are implied).

Ans. Given who Elijah was banging (past progressive), it somehow seemed like a terrifically apropos word.

Part 2.

"Given whom Elijah was banging (past progressive), it somehow seemed like a terrifically apropos word.

The past progressive is used when one action began before another, and finished it. Consider this sentence: "I was banging the shit out of her when she came."

In other words I started banging (maybe @ 8 o'clock), then she came (maybe @ 9 o'clock), then I finished banging (maybe @ 10 o'clock)

Here is a diagram:

8:00 pm ---->9:00 pm ---->10:00 p.m


ans. #2 Past tense; not past progressive due to no implication of continuous banging in the sentence.

Super answer:

"Given who Elijah was banging, it somehow seemed like a terrifically apropos word."

Lastly: A comma is not necessary in the above sentence because it creates a 'comma splice' fragment (not two complete sentences), but we can get into that perhaps on another quiz.

12:17 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

That 'mysterious Kazzoo' is a wicked grammarian!


12:19 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Fucking Christ.

If the object is "her," (Elijah was banging her, not banging she) then "whom" IS the correct fucking pronoun. And, just so you know, a comma can be used at the discretion of the author, and can also be implemented when choosing an alternative sentence structure. i.e.:

Given the complete fucking uselessness of that last comment, I nearly decided to punch through the monitor.


I nearly decided to punch through the monitor given the complete fucking uselessness of that last comment.


I nearly decided to punch through the monitor, given the complete fucking uselessness of that last comment.

Commas offer the author an artistic license of sort. Which I take often. And yes, that was a sentence fragment.

Now get the fuck off my blog, you Bolshevik asshole. (Imperative statement.)

1:47 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Kazzoo had a comment about "Bolshevik" not being a proper noun and not being capitalized, but it mysteriously disappeared. FTR, it is so capitalized.

And this is the last time I will ever attempt a grammar lesson with the word "bung." Some people just know more about being a "bung" hole than others, and apparently, I am not one of them.

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Kazoo, for such a grammatical artifice you spelled your name wrong. It's C U N T.

2:35 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Zanna --

It can also be spelled "I fucking hate you you grammar goblin asshole." That's the Olde English spelling.

3:04 PM  
Anonymous mysterious kazzoo said...

You seem a little tense. And speaking of tenses, yours seem to be a little bungled.

"And this is the last time I will ever attempt a grammar lesson with the word "bung".

Should be: "And that is the last time I will ever attempt a grammar lesson with the word "bung".

4:29 PM  
Anonymous petemclochness said...

I ain't no grammer wiz; but I thought "that" and "this" were pronouns.

6:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spankcheeks, look on the bright side. At least you're not ugly.

6:41 PM  
Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

The tense? I thought tense was directed related to the verb in a sentence. The verb is 'is' both times. Maybe you're bungled. Then again, I am not mysterious or a kazzoo.

7:22 PM  
Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

This is the most boring thread-fight I've ever involved myself in. How 'bout hating on some black women for kicks?

7:23 PM  
Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

Or the rap industry? Or old people or Jews or Pollacks or trolls?

7:24 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

O.k., a man goes to see a psychiatrist because he says he's having arguments with himself in his own head about whether or not he's a wigwam or a teepee. The psychiatrist says, don't worry, the only problem is that you're too tents (tense). HA HA. Get it. Since we were talking about tenses. **sigh**

O.k., the jokes can't all be good, but, as an English Major, I think I am more than within my rights to say -- "don't correct other people's grammar, it makes you look like a damn, uptight, anal idiot."

Thank you.

8:36 PM  
Anonymous delish dish said...

Twizzlrgirl: A-GREED! Also, lay off the typos. We all know "liek" means "like." I hate people who harp on shit like that.

8:47 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...


Eye hav nevvur bin sew ghlad two have nevvur bin tow cow-ledge.

I can't spell, can't use proper English, and I am STILL funnier than Cunt-Zoo!!!

9:09 PM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

I see this site has a new troll with multiple personalities. Great.

9:45 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

You now you are one pathetic individual when trannygranny picks you apart.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

quite interesting post. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did anyone know that some chinese hacker had hacked twitter yesterday again.

7:20 AM  
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12:17 PM  

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