SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME


In case Tom Cruise and wife Katie Holmes haven't gotten enought negative press lately, the artist behind the "Britney Spears Giving Birth" statue has created a masterpiece called "Suri's Bronzed Baby Poop." It is, as the title suggests, a replica of Suri's first solid poo, cast in bronze. The turd sculpture goes on display this Wednesday and will remain at Brooklyn's Williamsburg gallery through September. Yahoo News adds
It will then be up for auction on eBay, with proceeds going to the March of Dimes. Limited edition plaster replicas will also be for sale.
I guess a pile of feces is the only logical place to go after creating a replica of Britney Spears' bulging bronzed vagina. Avant-garde artists always like to incite a little controversy -- like Chris Burden, who nailed himself crucifixation-style to the hood of a Volkswagen Beetle, or Andres Serrano, who put a crucifix in a jar of his own tinkle and photographed it. Of course, by "avant-garde," I mean "complete fucking waste of space," and by "artist" I mean "socially retarded jerk-off."

Thanks to the spanktabulous Dragulf for the tip, and uberspankable Zanna for the title!


Source

54 Comments:

Blogger litelysalted said...

Poop!

(I just like saying it!)

3:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where have you been oh salty one?

3:37 PM  
Anonymous Stallion said...

What the fuck are they feeding that kid?

3:44 PM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

It seems like Spanks posts 'em faster than I can comment anymore! Don't worry, I'm getting my shit together.

Stallion: ha! I think I shit bronze one time after eating at Applebees. I never did figure out what fuck a "riblet" is.

Poop!

3:56 PM  
Blogger pinky_nip said...

I had a 90 lb. lab that took smaller shits.

4:02 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

That's not the actual masterpiece; I just googled "poop" and found a picture to put up. Sorry to disappoint.

Funny thing, though, several pictures of Paris' CD came up under the "search images: poop." I don't think it was a coincidence.

4:14 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Spanks: Are you sure you didn't google 'Black Mamba'?

A funny trick to play on your friends: Shit on their bed, then hide under it... when someone walks in start making loud hissing sounds.

Gets 'em everytime.

ninj

4:30 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Now we have to look at poop for the next 14 hours.

4:31 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Well now. We all know aliens don't poop like us regular human beans. Being an inter-galactic spawn, Suri likely tele-transports any waste products, via her fucking MIND people. Her MIND.

4:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO @ ladyjane!

4:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, did that guy actually use real nails on the VW bug? Doesn't that equal gangrene?

4:59 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Wow...I didn't think that the talent of SpankCheeks could be put into a picture...but wow, simple graphical representation for us all to view...nice job, really for the first time. And it wasn't even racist!

5:12 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

anonymousownsyou: You are right, it wasn't racist, but if you read between the lines, the lines in which only us white folk understand you would be able to decipher the code behind it all, and that is Suri has finally made coontact via her fucking asshole. Her ASSHOLE!

ninj

5:17 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

I see the douchebag is back. It's up to you: do you guys want me to turn the comment moderator back on, or can we just collectively ignore her?

5:50 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Doesn't bother me. I've been fighting trolls for months. They amuse me. Comment moderators will kill a blog-site. I've seen it.

5:57 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

If it bothers you, ignore it.

5:58 PM  
Anonymous sexpot said...

Please don't moderate! I hate trolls, but everyone knows what a tool it is. It will give up if everyone ignores it.

6:45 PM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

#1) I meant to say "I never did figure out what THE fuck a "riblet" is." Way to ruin a perfectly good riblet joke, asshole me!

#2) Let anonymousfuckingpussy post all she wants, and we'll just keep collectively kicking her in her fat slobby cyber twat. You hear that anonymous?? Suri Cruise has chunks of space corn in her shit bigger than you.

Or, we can also just ignore her.

6:47 PM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

Oh, and Poop!

Wheeeeeee!

6:48 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

I vote ignore. Plus, stupid comments really go along nicely with the picture for this story, so it all fits together.

I don't know that i'm making sense anymore. Haven't had sex in about 7 hours and my mind is beginning to clutter. I'm going to jump my boyfriend -- be back later.

6:50 PM  
Anonymous jiminychristmas said...

This guy either really loves celebrities, or he has a great sense of humor...except for the Jesus stuff, that's just wrong.

I remember the mild controversy over the crucifix/urine jar, imagine the stink if he put Mohammed, or MLK in a jar of tinkle. Then it wouldn't be art, it would be an appalling hate crime. Good thing for him he picked on the Savior.

7:16 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

riblets?

huh. What the fuck are those?

Are they clitlets, or smeglets? Faux-meat-fast-food-wannabe-delicious-but-they-suck-and-taste-like-crap-and-make-you-shit-hot-burning-liquid sort of delicacy????

Well, hell I am IN!!!!

7:39 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Oh, and the troll. Spanks, we all know these dorks come around, annoy us, and then fuck off into the great dark unknown of cyberspace, only to re-appear on some other blog to annoy the living piss out of everyone there.

Patience, everyone.

Patience....

My lips are quivering in anticipation....

and so is my mouth...

7:42 PM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

Since I really don't know what the fuck a riblet is, it's best to sum it up with a picture.

7:56 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

I found the real shit statuette. Enjoy.

Lady Jane, I felt your lips quivering all the way over here.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

twzzlr- You'll be back when I'M done with you.

jiminychristmas- You any relation to Jiminy Cricket?

Spanks, thanks for confessing that really wasn't Suri's caa-caa.
I was going to say that baby has one huge asshole to shit out a turd with a girth like that!

P.S. Maybe you should've googled "shit" and found a heaping steaming pile of anonymousownsyou.

8:29 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Yes, just ignore me like most of the people in this world ignore this site.

Moderated by a hack who thinks they are a gossip columnist.

And is a censoring racist who gets ideas and stories from other sites...mostly consisting of no original ideas or info that is days or weeks old!! Imagine that.

10:04 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Yes, just ignore me like most of the people in this world ignore this site.

Moderated by a hack who thinks they are a gossip columnist.

And is a censoring racist who gets ideas and stories from other sites...mostly consisting of no original ideas or info that is days or weeks old!! Imagine that.

10:04 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Yes, just ignore me like most of the people in this world ignore this site.

Moderated by a hack who thinks they are a gossip columnist.

And is a censoring racist who gets ideas and stories from other sites...mostly consisting of no original ideas or info that is days or weeks old!! Imagine that.

10:04 PM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

As long as ladyjane is not as homely as litelysalted, I am good. Is that a banana on your face, or are you just trying to breathe!!! Oh my. Spanked!

10:06 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Anonymous, sweetie, we only want to read your crap once (at the very most), so please, press submit ONE TIME ONLY. Okay?? One -- that's the number before two and after zero.

10:09 PM  
Anonymous remmy rifkin said...

Boy, for someone who thinks this site sucks, the troll sure has made it a point to comment three or four times a day. And last night. And this morning. Methinks the little asshat has a crush on you Spanks! The retarded ones always flirt by trying to insult the ones they really like. If you had pigtails, he'd be pulling them, and then jerking off behind the gym after fourth period.

Speaking of pigtails, if you had them, and were wearing a tiny plaid skirt, I'd give you the spanking of a lifetime, with my enormous man-meat.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous remmy rifkin said...

And where's your picture, anonymous? The ugly ones always never post with their photo.

10:19 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:42 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Thanks Spankcheeks! I knew this story was gold. Well, maybe bronze.

All Anonymousownsyou needs is a mushroom stamp or 3.

10:50 PM  
Anonymous remmy rifkin said...

@ Sonya: Yow! You are one foxy lady! Do you ever open tours of the diamond mine? :P

10:54 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

So Suri shits gold? Well, I shit diamonds. And everyone knows diamonds are a girl's best friend.
P.S.
Spank Cheeks rocks. That's right.

10:54 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

Oh, ha ha, hi, remmy, I just changed my picture, so everyone's going to think you're a necrophiliac. But thanks. And I'm sorry, this month's expeditions are totally booked. Check back next month and we'll see if we can squeeze you in.

10:57 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Edna, is that you?

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Here is another dor ya Spanky!

http://s2.supload.com/image.php?get=travolta-20060830180104.jpg

John Travolta kissing a man before he gets aboard a plane, eyes closed.
I thought Scientology cured his homoism (is that a word?)

12:09 AM  
Anonymous anonymousownsyou said...

Consider it a social experiment. I like to see what kind of people sit around reading about the misfortune of others and comment on it, instead of doing something constructive, like go outside, read a book, etc....

And, why these people would read a sub-par site from a nobody who is racist and quite aweful to be frank...

5:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like the troll is up early for school! Don't forget your sack lunch and your tampons, you faggot.

5:55 AM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

Awesome, Spanks. Now that looks more like something you'd shit after a meal at Applebee's.

Anonymousfuckingpussy, so then, why aren't you just ignoring this site like "most of the people in the world" and just don't concern yourself with the people who do enjoy it. I may be a banana nose Polack, but I barely have enough time in my active life to visit the websites I like, much less ones I don't.

Oh and also you can insult my looks all you want, but it still doesn't convince me for a second that your sad little mask of anonymity isn't hiding fucking Quasimodo. Pretty people don't have time to go sniveling about the internet making "cyber enemies" to bolster their own sense of self importance.

5:57 AM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

O.k., I know I said in a previous post that you should not correct the grammar or others, but I meant friends, not trolls, so.....

Anonymous -- aweful means "full of awe." Freudian slip, I'm sure, since I know you really love us and worship Spanks. If you meant terrible, though, you should have spelled it "awful."

Twizz

6:17 AM  
Anonymous zanna said...

Ladyjane..just saw your profile. And I'm proud to be your one and only interest. Well, my clit, anyway. Ima dip YOURs in gold.

10:55 AM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

actually Chris Burden did use real nails to affix himself to the VW...but I believe he did a lot of research on where to place the nails to avoid permenant damage. Many of his pieces (most popularly know is "Shoot" where a friend shoots him in the arm) are some type of commentary on the "invisible line" between the public and the art world. The idea is played with that: should the public intervene because it's a dangerous act and should be stopped? Or should should it be left alone because it's been classified as "art"?

Anyway, can't say much about the poo except I wouldn't be surprised if Cruise actually did bronze her poo. nut case.

If you'd like to insult more modern art I suggest you check out Duchamp ("The Fountain"), Yves Klein ("Zones of Immaterial Pictoral Space"), and Rauschenberg ("Monogram"). Oh, and they guy who did the Britney Spears sculpture was named Daniel Edwards.

9:11 PM  
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