SPANK CHEEKS

Saturday, September 30, 2006

ANNA NICOLE'S NUPTIALS DOWNGRADED


Turns out it wasn’t a wedding after all, but a “commitment ceremony” with lawyer Howard K. Stern. E! Online reports:

In a 250-word statement (issued by TrimSpa), "Finding Solace & Hope," it was announced that the former E! reality star and her attorney participated in a commitment ceremony Thursday morning, aboard a boat in Nassau,Bahamas.

"Although the ceremony was officiated, it was not a wedding, and no marriage certificate was issued," the statement said.

The event, described as impromptu, came two days after Stern announced he was the father of Smith's newborn daughter, Dannielynn Hope, and 18 days after Smith's adult son, Daniel Smith, died. Per TrimSpa, media scrutiny drove Smith and Stern to take to the high seas for an early-morning excursion with friends and family.

"And then a good thing happened," the company said. "During the sail, Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K. Stern made a commitment before God to be there for one another, to be each other's strength during this difficult time."

Smith's camp said the event--"intended to be totally private between two adults deeply in love with each other and needing simple reassurances that they could count on one another through life's ups and downs"--was later spoiled by prying reporters in speedboats, helicopters and scuba-diving equipment.
A commitment ceremony. So what. I had one of those with my lawyer too. He said he'd be with me through this "difficult time" if I gave him 1/3 of his expenses now and the rest later. Then, we had our "commitment ceremony" before God. Except it was in a courtroom before a jury of my peers. All I got to do was raise my right hand, solemnly swear and then lie. There was no fucking swim party. Reporters? Yes. Swim party? No.

4 Comments:

Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

Well, if there wasn't a swim party was there at least a pizza party or a hawaiian shirt party? What about a pajama party? What about Chex Mix? Please tell me they at least served a bowl of Chex Mix.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Do they even know 250-words?

11:04 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

It meant so much to them that they didn't bother making it official. I have such high hopes for their relationship.

6:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Testing : )

11:22 AM  

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