SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

DENIAL ISN'T JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT, BABY


Kirsten Dunst had been quoted in “London’s News of the World” as saying that even wild sex with Jake Gyllenhal wasn’t enough to keep them together. But now she and her people are denying it. MSN reports:

"....The tabloid, in what it trumpets as an "exclusive" interview with Dunst, claims she "opened her heart to talk of the secret sadness" over her now off-again romance with Gyllenhaal.

How open is she? The actress is quoted as revealing that not even "wild sex" ("in cars, in the bathroom and even by the sea") was enough to keep them together.

Titillating stuff, right? There's just one teeny, tiny problem: The interview never took place.

"Clearly this is a fabricated story," Dunst's rep, Stephen Huvane, tells MSN Entertainment. "Kirsten has not given an interview to News of the World and for the most [part] the quotes they list are not hers....."


"for the most part”….
yea, okay. Translation…(and this is just a wild guess) she was drunk when she gave the interview. ” It’s no secret that Kirsten likes to partake in beverages of the alcoholic persuasion. It’s how she earned the moniker of “Kirsten Drunkst (starpulse).

This is reminiscent of the time I got drunk and told everyone in the bar I had sex with Quentin Tarantino and had to spend the next day photoshopping pictures of us together just to prove it.

THESE are the things you have to do in small town America, people. THESE are the things you have to do when you’re only “representative” is your court appointed attorney.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Tranny said...

Strange, I did have sex with Quentin T. Cries like a baby, and complains a lot. Photoshop wasn't my problem, though. Keeping him tied in the well for a year and shocking his cerebellum with a cattle prod every day was. Q, if you are reading this, call me!

11:17 AM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Tranny--is that what you did to Eddie Vedder too?

So that's why Pearl Jam disappeared for a while... hmmm....

11:20 AM  
Blogger pinky_nip said...

I once had a guy chain himself in my well for a couple of days, after that I couldn't walk for a week. Good times, good times.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

pinky- I read your comment on three separate occasions and didn't get it.
On the fourth re-read it hit me... "my well" is a euphemism for your love canal!

9th grade educations ain't all there cracked up to be.

2:23 PM  
Blogger pinky_nip said...

Walrus- You're so adorable it should be a crime

2:37 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

pinkerton - In 32 states and 1 territory it is!

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Damn you Tranny. I am laughing too hard to think of funny shit to write.

4:27 PM  

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