SPANK CHEEKS

Friday, September 01, 2006

I GUESS NOSE JOBS MAKE YOU SLUTTY


Ashlee Simpson might be as much of a slut as her stupid cooze sister. Everybody knows that Ashlee has been dating bandmate Braxton Olita for almost a year now, but she was recently spotted with Fall Out Boys' Pete Wentz at a G-Spa afterparty. If you're not a fan of shitty music and don't know who the Fall Out Boys are, you might recognize the name "Pete Wentz" as that guy who took pictures of his hairy weiner in his mother's bathroom and then sent them all over the internet. A real winner. Anyway, Ashlee and Pete were seen hanging together at Jessica's roller-skating party at the Roxy, but were full-on canoodling afterwards at G-Spa. Now, I'm not sure exactly what "canoodle" means, either, but you can bet it involves the weiner. Page Six reports
"While others including Ashlee's father Joe, mom Tina and blogger Perez Hilton looked on, Ashlee and Wentz sat together in a corner, cuddled and whispered all night until they left together."
Probably code talk for "Ashlee sucked his dick, and Pete told her that her new nose really helped her look not so ugly."

Source

21 Comments:

Blogger ApacheRose said...

Jessica had a roller-skating party? Christ, is she 8?

However, I guess it's good to see that the Simpson sisters are single-handedly keeping their local spray-on tanning salon in business.

I've never been so proud to be pale.

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pale is the new tan, ApacheRose!

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet Papa Joe held her head down on his own little Fall Out Boy more than a few times. That might explain why he was unimpressed.
It must really suck that even at age 25, your Dad still chaperones the rollerskating parties. How is a girl supposed to get fucked in the locker room in peace if dad is watching from the corner with a HandyCam, panting and yanking his johnson? Sad I tell you, just sad.

9:35 AM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

That picture of Pete Wentz's boner was disgusting!! How have I never heard of him or his erection before?

10:05 AM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

Nice hoodie.

10:05 AM  
Blogger biatcho said...

will this family die of incest alerady for fuck's sake.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

I have to say the bitch looks hot with that new schnozz.

10:25 AM  
Anonymous easy e said...

I have to say the bitch looks hot with that new schnozz.

10:25 AM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

I didn't see her at the VMA's. Do they not have an outstanding lipsyncing performance award.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous GEMBLE said...

HIS DICK IS ONLY HALF AS BIG AS MINE.

11:43 AM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Gemble--

Would you please, pretty please STOP FUCKING SCREAMING!

Thanks ever so.

11:54 AM  
Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

Did Gemble jerk of in your libturd salad?

12:33 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

ApacheRose, in case I've forgotten to offer my respects, welcome to my blog! I'm very pleased to have you aboard.


Now drop your pants and bend over, baby.

1:10 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

You, too, tp21. And smellypiratehooker and biatcho and spatz and all of my fellow fish fans that are new over here. Pull those britches down and line up!

1:11 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Dammit, I also forgot to welcome WellRehearsedMistake.

My "mistake." Not "well rehearsed," obviously.

Please don't hate me for that fucking lame joke. Did I mention the Robitussin? I blame the Robitussin. I'm usually very funny.

1:15 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

wow, nobody has ever welcomed me anywhere before. Is this what it feels like to be kind of liked?
cause if it is i am going masturbate in public.

1:17 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Thanks for the welcome Spanks! Time for a little hazing, is it?

*lifts skirt and bends over*

OK, but don't be leaving marks. When I get bent over a desk, table, chair, or couch later tonight, I don't want to have to answer a bunch of questions about why my ass was pink before we even get started.

2:19 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

biatcho--
go for it! i think it's safe to say that over here we all love public displays of pubic (see what i did there? ok, maybe i'm trying too hard. its the drugs)

AND sadly, ashlee simpson "performed" at the "antelope valley fair and alfalfa festival" last saturday night.
i fished 3 dead birds out of my pool on sunday.

true story.

3:08 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Spanks, let's give Apache the "Sneaky Bordello" while she's bent over the couch and you're spanking her and ramming her with a dildo, I'll sneak up from behind and stick it in her butt, then you run around the couch and wave to her.

And she'll be like, "Pretty sneaky sis'"

And I'll be like, "Yeah Hoooo! Aliba... aliba... undele... undele... ai... ai... aieeeeeeee!!"

Ninj

seemed like fun at the time.

4:02 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Dammit, ninj, and I thought it was gonna be Tranny I'd have to be watching for. Shoulda known...

4:43 PM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

My 'cheeks' are gleaming with anticipation! Thanks spanks!

5:43 PM  

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