SPANK CHEEKS

Friday, September 01, 2006

NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY

You never get to see all the good stuff that goes on at the after-the-VMAs parties. You know, the "snortin' blow right off the tables," the "celebrities rubbing their crotches in people's faces," the "everybody drunk and sweaty and falling down." The good stuff.

Page Six
reveals all the juicy details of the celebrity shennanigans we missed after the awards show:
"A 'suspiciously sweaty, and I am talking drenched'


Brandon Davis hung with his benefactor Paris Hilton... Vanessa Minnillo ... [was] 'all over Nick [Lachey]'... and [Nick] gave [Vanessa] a steamy, face-to-crotch lap dance.


Also... Ryan Seacrest

hung all night with Lance Bass and his boy toy Reichen Lehmkuhl."
I keep telling you guys that Ryan Seacrest isn't gay! That whole "Birds of a feather flock together" thing is bullshit. There is nothing a heterosexual guy in a bar full of coked-up drunken whores wants to do more than hang out in a corner with two gay dudes. In fact, I couldn't keep my third husband away from "corners teaming with gay men." He said he liked the meaningful conversations. Just like Ryan Seacrest. Of course, my ex-husband also liked wearing mascara and dressing me up like a lumberjack. But he wasn't gay or anything.

29 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It may have been said before, but I think sometime in the near future, we'll have a "Seacrest Out(ing)!". That said, sucking cock once doesn't make you gay, does it? Not if it was juuust once, right? Nevermind...

10:50 AM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

Where is everybody today? Actually working?

11:17 AM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

I liked the banana-hammock bow tie! lol

11:18 AM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Anonymous--its only gay if you kiss.

11:21 AM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

"We had joy,
we had fun,
we had semen up our bum..."

11:23 AM  
Anonymous GEMBLE said...

OR IF YOU TOUCH SOME GUYS BALLS. THATS GAY TOO.

11:41 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Ladyjane, your cat looks pretty lazy, would you like me to teach it the ways of the ninja?

ninj

11:41 AM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

sorry, I meant Anastasia. oops. Ladyjane, I have different plans for your pussy.

ninj

11:42 AM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

My kitty tends to be pretty active.

11:49 AM  
Anonymous XXX said...

I miss the stallion! :(

Can I borrow you, CockNinja?

11:54 AM  
Blogger smellypiratehooker said...

I'll dress you up like a lumberjack, ladyjane, then show you my "wood."

12:32 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

XXX...ummm... borrow? Does borrow involve me slapping the shit out of you with my meat dagger?

ninj

12:56 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Gemble, seriously, you're two ALL CAPS posts away from me deleting every comment you make. Cut it the fuck out.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Someone got Spanked! ;p

1:20 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

that fag has cockmouth written all over his face.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Ninj,

Yes, please. My pussy needs a good workout.

2:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has anyone heard of Rage in West Hollywood? Santa Monica Blvd? Check it and Ryan out

2:45 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

tp21
i may have missed it, who are you?
oh, c'mon, ninj has asked that a million times.
maybe not a million.
maybe a thousand?

okay, maybe 3 times?

just curious.

umm. ninj-- what exactly is going on with those animals?

2:59 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

The feline is kicking the dog in the face using ancient ninja techniques.

Why do I bother with you?

Seriously?

ninj

3:49 PM  
Anonymous petemclochness said...

If I had the kind of money Brandon Davis has I'd be a sweaty, coked up bastard myself.

And any man who will wear a sheer blouse while hosting American Idol is most definitely a gay.

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Ryan'sGayPenis said...

faggy is as faggy does, my mama used to say....

4:59 PM  
Anonymous tp21 said...

Wow, Seacrest's schlong can talk!!

5:41 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

because you love me and you know it!!

7:40 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

ladyjane- That stupid Terry Jacks song was worn out on the piece of shit AM station I had to listen to when I was young.
I'm ashamed to say, I may have had it in a 45RPM. (Fuck you in advance ninja)
Now I'm going to be singing it all weekend... THANKS


evil bunny- yeah but, people respect ninja.
That's a joke... IT'S A JOKE!!!

8:02 PM  
Blogger chillytatas said...

Hi my evil little bunny, have you nipped anyone's toes today?

8:08 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

I saw Ryan Seacrest kissing John Travolta (that's a new Christmas song, by the way, on the "Isn't Christmas Gay" CD). It's sung to the tune of "I Saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus."

9:48 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

RSLJTATCC

That, for those of you who are bad at acronyms, means: Ryan Seacrest loves John Travolta's and Tom Cruise's cocks.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous morning glory said...

I saw Ryan Seacrest kneeling underneath a well-hung circus man. I wasn't sure where to look. It was wierd.

10:07 PM  
Anonymous My Well Rehearsed Mistake said...

Just look at him, I mean you can tell he's not gay. Come on people. Just cos he wants to hang out with two (ugly) dudes in a bar full of drunk, easy hollywood whores, that's what any self respecting straight man would do. right... right?...

It's probably all Paris Hilton's fault cos she's given up men for a year. She's untipped the balance. Who are they gonna fuck now? They have to turn to men instead.

I've always thought Seacrest was a faggot... It's like that Lance Bass. Gay and in a chessy pop band - who'd a guessed? George Michael, Tom Cruise, John Travolta. None of it shocks me anymore.

7:00 AM  

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