Thursday, September 07, 2006


Lindsay Lohan loves taking shameful pictures of herself. (Egotastic!)

David Spade and Heather Locklear lasted all of a Hollywood Minute. (Us Weekly)

I wish more celebrities would face-plant on the concrete. So far, Kevin Costner is the only taker. (Defamer)

Britney Spears isn't bothering with baby name books. (The Superficial)

If you love crap, then you're gonna love Nicole Richie's first single. (MollyGood)

Give Scarlett Johannsen a drink and she might break and enter on your ass. (Hollywood Tuna)

Everybody's saying that pictures of Lohan's puss yesterday were photoshopped. However, I think the pictures showing underwear are the fakes. I think you'll agree. (WWTDD)

Lastly, since that Lins beaver shot might have been a fake, here's another beaver shot I'm sure is the real deal... and it's very vagina-y and NSFW -- make sure that fat chick from accounting isn't peering over your shoulder.


Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

on Paris' beaver:


You owe me a keyboard and I'm sending you my dry cleaning bill!

You really ought to warn people that the following picture could be vomit inducing.

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

I have a feeling the fat chic from accounting has a better looking twat than this...WTF....

Thank you, Spanks, these pictures make me feel like taking off my panties and saying, "IT'S SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THIS"...But I'll just dedicate Aretha Franklin's "you make me feel like a natural woman" instead.

12:52 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Ah ahh ahh ahh! (Count laugh) If I warned you, it wouldn't be funny, now would it? The "surprise factor" is where it's at, baby! Ah, ahh ahh ahh. My evil plan is coming to fruition.

P.S. Beaverhausen is also where it's at, for the record.

12:55 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

And Zanna let me sit on her face yesterday while I typed all my posts. Fuckin A! Lesbian blogging is the best job ever.

12:56 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Well, Spanks..that's how I know that Lohan and Paris have ugly beaverhausens. It just CANNOT compare to yours.

My face is still all "waterlogged" from yesterday.

12:58 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

Zanna is SO lucky!

Spanks, you can sit on my face...
and play with my joystick.

12:59 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Wow!!! I got a compliment from Ms. Cheeks herself!

I feel all warm and moist inside.

1:07 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Wait, Zanna's wearing panties? Why?

And here I thought September was national "Panty-free for Patriotism" month... Guess I'll have to verify things before I listen to any random guys. Dammit, I'm just such a trusting person...

1:50 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Anonymous fuckwit--

Spanks can and does post on her own comments section because MOST of us are friends here. Sorry if you wouldn't understand what that means.

As for plaigarism, have you EVER looked at the news on TV? They all have the same stories, from the SAME sources. Which channel you choose to watch has more to do with who you want to watch and listen to than the content of the news.

Get a grip, it's all in fun.

1:54 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Cool. Somebody figured out that cut & paste trick. I think we have a computer genius on our hands here, folks!

Question is: Are you wearing your Spiderman or Batman underwear today? Oh, and the cowboy or choo-choo train jammies last night?

2:01 PM  
Anonymous lovingspanks said...

Hell, I'll send Spank money just for being spankably delicious, go to hell anonymous.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

I love Spank Cheeks!

As long as my Cheeks are one of the ones being Spanked!!!

Spanks, The naysayer will eventually fall off of IT'S highchair and split IT'S head wide open like a ripe melon and then everything will be back to normal.
(As normal as this fine upstanding site can be anyway) :)

2:32 PM  
Blogger pinky_nip said...

I'd rather like it if you would treat me like cattle, Spanks. Lasso me up and pull on my teets!

2:55 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...



2:58 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Anon must be a coon. Or a heeb.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

What the fuck is going on?!

I didn't type any of the above shit...

Or did I?!

Oh Jesus fuck, am I having another psychotic break??

3:39 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said... are going to have to change the comment setttings again.

3:41 PM  
Blogger pinky_nip said...

I'm with you Zanna, this person is an effing tool. The only thing I posted above was how I wanted to be treated like cattle. What a loser this pindick is.

3:42 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Huh? So fucking what if Spanks makes some cash off her blog. It's a hell of alot easier on the cooch than being the high class call girl I can only assume she once was. I hope you make a mint, Spanks, and I mean that with all my pink taco.

3:56 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

sounds to me like anonymous is spanks' negro exboyfriend who can't handle all of her cyber popularity & cyber-sexing.

My 2 questions for you, spanks, are
a. why would you date a negro? and b. why would you date a 12 year old negro computer hacker with no life? Thought you were way cooler than that.

fucking crazies.

4:40 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

oh and did anyone else nearly urinate themselves at the thought of Harry Morton beating the living piss out of Lindsay lohan when you first saw those pictures?? I was sorely disappointed when I actually read what they were.
She always disappoints me.

4:41 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Just to let you crazy kids know, I have added my email to my profile...I will be expecting various indecent and absured emails in the future.

Thank you.

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

good, now get in the corner, and don't say a fucking word, and don't try to leave, or you're going to get the barbed wire again.

5:19 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

I thought I was the slut of the century!

Oh man! There goes years of fucking everything that breathes (or breathed) down the shitter!

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Italian Stallion said...

Wow, what the fuck did I miss?
Whoever the fuck you are, you're really that pathetic that you have to come to these blogs just to ruin everyones fun? Sit back and think about it for a minute. I really feel bad for you. A couple of us come here to say hi to each other when we are bored at work or just to joke around a little bit. But you come here just to ruin that. So fucking pathetic. Fine, feel like you won because, you're right, I give up. The superficial used to be so funny until you showed up with your weak ass comments and always fucking with people. There are a lot of really witty people on these blogs that give me a laugh when I need it, and I'm sure a lot of others feel the same. If you don't want to be a part of that, no sweat off my balls. Just don't come to these blogs. I really, really feel bad that you don't have any friends. You did it to yourself, you pathetic piece of shit. Well, good luck to you fuckwad on your later ventures of friendship hunting. For those who have my E-mail, please keep in touch, otherwise I think I have to say goodbye to these sites. Haven't decided yet, just can't stand this pathetic sorry cry for attention, and here I'm am feeding the cum guzzler. Never again.............

5:41 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Anon--Listen you uncircumcised, acne ridden, overweight virgin stop fucking hacking me!!

Its pretty sad that you have to come on here and have conversations with yourself cos no one else will hang out with you, you fucking troll!

If anyone needs me I'll be at McSorely's on 7th drinking Stellas and getting pissed...

5:46 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Nooo!!! Stallion don't leave just cos of this pole smoker! Your comments are one of the things I love about this place!

5:49 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Stallion, honey, don't leave. If you do, the moron wins. Nobody wants that, probably not even the moron.

5:54 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Hmmm... nice try, but it's really incredibly easy to see through your shit, you cowardly troll. Go back to computer class and learn how to hack a little better.

Details, asshat, it's all in the details. But hey, I'm flattered that you deemed me worthy of impersonation.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

I wrote this as post #26.
I'm afraid it got lost because of all the "troll speak".
I just wanted to share it with you again.

I love Spank Cheeks!

As long as my Cheeks are one of the ones being Spanked!!!

Spanks, The naysayer will eventually fall off of IT'S highchair and split IT'S head wide open like a ripe melon and then everything will be back to normal.
(As normal as this fine upstanding site can be anyway) :)

6:11 PM  
Anonymous My Well Rehearsed Mistake said...

I was really looking forward to reading all these comments but as it turns out its just Lamebanana having his 'fun'. You guys, don't give up on Spanks site just cos of this loser - it's what he wants.

I didn't think anything could ruin my buzz of seeing Paris arrested and Lohan get robbed but not true as it turns out. (This is all I'm writing today - so if anything else gets posted its NOT ME, but you all will be able to tell cos it's just so obvious)

6:51 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

I'll be taking a hiatus until this fucking asshole is gone. Or until he finally puts a gun to his abnormally ugly head and does the world a favour.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

'cheeks, m' dear..
what to do? you know we won't abandon YOU.

guys, just don't feed it. it does have a short attention span,
hopefully it will go away.

7:52 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

cool feature, 'cheeks.

7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for turning on the comment moderation, Spanks. Although it slows everything down, it beats what went on here. Pathetic.

8:00 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Spanks I've seen it said before and I shall say it again. You know you've made it when the trolls come rollin' in.
You are special in your own drunken slutty way.
Don't change a thing you hooch and Guys Don't abandon Cheeks!
Keep the happy family together. You should never split up the whorehouse. It's just not kosher. And I say that with all the love and respect in the world.
I love reading you guys though I don't post much, nor as witty and entertaining. It will be a shame to see you all leave because of one sorry loser.
Don't them win!
I'm sure there is some way to crush their balls. We just have to find away. I vote Troll Vasectomy.
Come my fellow spankers, join with me to de-funk the wonderfully Spankalicous Cheeks.
This is my input.
I'm through till the next post.

8:13 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

What the fuck I just had this huge comment typed out I hit publish and the fucking thing is gone!
Maybe another time. But in short key, I said
DONT Leave Spanks. Its not her fault everyone loves her so much.

It would be a shame to see all of you spanktastic commentors leave and abandon Cheeks.

8:14 PM  
Anonymous ZeZe said...

Ok I see you changed the blogging format, I missed that one. If you read this one you can delete the second and third comments.
Im a moron and didnt notice though its in big bold letters that it had to be approved by you.

8:16 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Sorry, guys. Clearly wasn't me commenting before.

I've cleaned this thread up the best I could, and I know comment moderator is really fucking lame, but what can I do? I hate censoring the comments entirely, but deleting them one by one is also incredibly fucking lame. And I don't have the spare time that bananas seems to have.

Anyway, for now, it's enabled. Sorry.

8:20 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

I read the troll posts and I don't see why it called you a sellout. What ads? Ignore the fruit salad head.

Anyways, I could tell when the real blue posters wrote because their icons were on the right.

TC(will always!)LTC

10:17 PM  
Anonymous LadyJane said...

Tough talk makes me wet, Spanks. Thank you, thank you, thank you...

10:50 PM  
Blogger A.Roberson said...

This a sweet blog! You should check out another one that I've found. It deals with what you do. It's called

Rock on...;-)

10:54 PM  
Anonymous easy e said...

Sweet blog indeed! Love ya spanks!

7:17 AM  
Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

Nothing ruins your creative spirit like some douche pointing out someone else who's trying to do something as good as you but failing. Thanks a lot question man. There is no doubt in my mind that you are European.

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