SPANK CHEEKS

Monday, September 11, 2006

SPANK IT YOURSELF 9.11.06


First, I want to congratulate you, Spanks for being rewarded for the excellent writer you are. Good luck at Yeeeah!

To the rest of you. I'm no Spanks and I'm not even going to try to be. You can tell because I'm making you Spank It Yourself first thing this morning. If I had a quarter for every time I said that, I'd have a quarter. So let's light this candle.

On September 7th, Anna Nicole Smith gives birth to her daughter, only to lose her son Daniel suddenly a couple of days later. Great, my first story is a fucking buzz kill. (Perez Hilton)

Here's an update to that story (Nassau Guardian)

I'm not so sure Rosie McDonnell is the right weapon to be using to get your career back. Try all you want, but you can't fix crazy (or gay). (TMZ)

Just when we thought this bitch didn't have a leg to stand on, Paul McCartney turns around and offers her 72 million to STFU. (dlisted)

And yet, ANOTHER reason to fucking hate PETA. I'm getting my fur coat and seal club out of the closet and waiting outside for them as soon as I post this. Then, I'm going to order a veal parm sub when they are within earshot. Watch for me on the news. (MSNBC)

Today is a day to mourn the citizens and the heros killed during 9/11. It's also a day to celebrate the resilience of the people of this great country. The nation marks the 5th anniversary of 9/11. (MSN)

46 Comments:

Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

I was working nights on that fateful 9/11.
I woke up around 9:30am PST.
I turned the TV on. At the bottom of the screen it said, "World Trade Centers collapse".
I called a friend to confirm.
He said it was true.

I CRIED THE REST OF THE FUCKING DAY.

9:01 AM  
Anonymous spatz said...

that peta shit makes me sick. they make me sick because they know nothing about animals or wildlife conservation. theyre abusive, ignorant, uneducated, self riteous terrorist assholes. steve irwin devoted his life to the conservation of animals. every animal expert that viewed the tape of his death said that he DID NOT provoke the stingray. whats peta made up of anyway? animal experts, nah, doctors, nope its made up of stupid actors and skeezes like pamela anderson who literally do not know anything about animals or conservation whatsoever. she wont eat meat or wear fur but she has no problem with gas guzzling yachts that cause the death of millions of animals and destroys their habitats. yeah a real animal lover. PETAns make me so ill

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Tranny said...

Hey, who pulled the rest of the posts? Now how is Dr. Cock Bimbo gonna see the love-fest everyone left him?

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Honey, look under the "archives" for yesterday. She has the posts to archive daily where we do ours monthly....

10:38 AM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

sorry..I meant weekly...Ninja if you are out there you need to read 9.03.2006..first post.

10:41 AM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

I can't imagine having a child and losing a child within a few days. My heart goes out to the silly twat, but at the same time, I feel snark coming on.

Any bets that her son had a heart attack immediately after seeing his mom's ginormous stretch-mark-covered tits while she tried to figure out the complicated task of breastfeeding?

And why, oh WHY, are we supposed to keep not only the silly twat, but silly twat's LAWYER in our thoughts through this?

PETA's beyond fucking stupid.

TCLTC

9/11.... I can't believe it's been five years.

12:36 PM  
Blogger litelysalted said...

How the hell does a 20 year old kid have a fatal heart attack? I saw Anna Nicole's E! show a couple of times and the only thing I remember was thinking, "Oh man. That poor fucking kid."

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

I remember waking up in a panic and turning on the TV. I just knew something was wrong. 5 minutes later... 2nd plane hit. DAMN I AM STILL PISSED OFF ABOUT IT!!!

PETA can kiss my ass.

TCLTC can just die.

1:47 PM  
Anonymous dr.rokter said...

litelysalted, Yes, A 20 year old can have a heart attack.

Also:

I have recently treated a patient of mine. One Mr. Cock-Ninja. (note: as well as being a OB/Gyn, and Proctologist I am also a Veterinarian and Psychiatrist) I don't council too often, given that most of my sessions include my fondling your nutsack, shoving a finger up your ass, rolling up a newspaper and swatting you on the nose with it, stating, "Don't you do that again you... bad... bad... boy." Anyway, on behalf of your previous friend/commandant Mr. Ninja; he wanted me to give you this letter he wrote to all of you:

________________
Fuccckkkk,

Fuck, fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fucker, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking, fucker-fuck, fucker-fuck, fucking-fucker-fuck, fucking-fucker-fuck-fuck-fuck,
fuck, fuckity-fucker-fuck, BEAVER!

fuckity fuckity,

fucker

___________________________


As you can he is very upset, and very disturbed. I hope you can all understand his absence for the time being. I'll keep you informed on any new developments.

Dr.Rokter M.D./O.B./D.V.M/A.A.C.P/R.C./C.D./
Flux-Capacitor

2:07 PM  
Anonymous morning glory said...

Okay, I clearly missed something, but I'm so glad cockninja is back! Even if now I have to refer to him as doctorl

2:21 PM  
Anonymous morning glory said...

Welcome aboard Zanna! Glad to have ya! And I mean that in a sexy way!

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Ahhh, yes. :) The good doctor is in.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

WTF. Is this some sort of joke?

2:42 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

Thank you doctor.

2:58 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

Wow, Zanna, you used a comma!!! Spanks is rubbing off on you.

AB- Kind of a morbid avatar for a day of mourning...

3:04 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...

Dr. Rokter....I may have mentioned something about stress related lesions on my penis, any suggestions? I think they are clearing up, but I really want my cock to look pretty when I ride Zanna like a tilt-a-whirl later.

I was building a high-rise in Denver 5 years ago. I had to stop in Boulder to pick up a part for my truck about 7:30 Mountain time, that morning. I didn't have TV at the time, but I walked into the lobby just in time to watch plane 2 crash on live television. I stayed in that lobby for about an hour with 20 other people and no one said anything. The rage just kept building. I then went and picked up my current girlfiend (spelling intentional, I HATE that cunt) from her work, drove back to my shack in the mountains, and loaded all my rifles, with the radio on, waiting to know where to assault. I'm still waiting. Damn you Osama bin-Laden and George W. Bush.

4:07 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Ah, the good doctor is in. I have several things I need for you to take a look at, if you'll just step into my bedroom...

All is right with the world...
Twizz

4:24 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Wumboots...She's BEEN rubbing off on me. We're "special" friends like that.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

Tranny, you ARE great.

Zanna is lucky to have you.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

Zanna, you don't mean like, 'ride the short bus' kind of special friends do ya??


P.S. We're time twins!

4:44 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...

Oh, and on behalf of PETA, I would like to offer the following public service announcement: Don't give Baby Seals whiskey, they HATE Canadian Club.

I'm gonna go kill and eat something now.

4:48 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

i have to throw in some really bad timing here. my best friend is officially, TODAY, of all days, in iraq.

i think i brought this up a few months ago over at the 'fish, but did anybody see the (penn & teller) "bullshit" episode that dealt with peta? they're not only assholes, they are freaking hypocrites.

5:24 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Yes, Wumby..I know how lucky I am. I tell him every day. :)

5:32 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

Are any of you guys in NYC? Fucking this morning I get out at the 23rd St subway stop & waltz my way over to work, late of course. As I get towards 6th Ave I can see & smell smoke and then almost get run over by 5 firetrucks. A building around the corner was en fuego.
I had a seriously awful flashback... especially because it was just as crips & beautiful today as it as 5 years ago thsi day... I just thank christ I can smoke butts at my desk cause I needed that shit today.


And I'm scared & confused by all of the changes and lawsuit threats... think i need either a hug or a fingerblasting. tough choice.

8:08 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

biatcho, I'll be right over to give you BOTH of your choices.

I'm a giving kind of a guy like that!

8:20 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

nix the hug... you have many fingers... right?

8:34 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

OMG Biatcho!!! I'm in NY too! West Village.

Hey we should meet at the ol' Boots and Saddle on Christ. St.

Twzz and I went there last night;)

8:36 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

Nancy Whiskey baby! Or Ear Inn.
Or Welcome to the Johnson's. Or Nice Guy Eddie's. Or Pete's Tavern. Or Jimmy's Corner. Or Old Town Tavern. Or any other irish Bar in 25 sqaure miles of NYC.

"We've been coming to the same party for 12 years and that is in no way depressing".

8:42 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

...McSorleys...

8:51 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

how the fuck did i forget McSorleys!? I love that crazy-ass barback who throws down 6 mugs in one hand and spills it all over your table and then charges you for full beers.

8:53 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Hey Zanna--I had an idea:

How about each week featuring one of us? A "Get to Know Your Fellow Spankers" profile if you will, complete with pictures.

I mean, I know we have the "Blogger Profile," but that shit is lame. I don't feel I know my fellow Spankers any better by knowing their favorite movie, music, etc.

I wanna know the IMPORTANT stuff like; Favorite sexual position, etc...

Just an idea.

Beav.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Oh my fucking god !!! I know who you mean LOL!!!!!!

8:56 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

Although not technically a position, I am a huge fan of the "barking seal".

8:58 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

I love NY. I know thats gay. But I do. Although I am pissed about the smoking bans.

One of the weirdest things that has happened to me here was last summer, I'm sitting in Wash. Sq., and this guy comes over wearing a sign "will you go to heaven, take the test to find out."

9:25 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...

Yo, AB, my favorite position is "cock in cunt"

And I am very flexible.

Twzz, biatcho, Ab, and you other wrong coast whores, I was born in NY (upstate) but I, thank all that is holy, was given a reprieve at the age of 6 to be raised in the greatest state in the union. ARI-fucking-ZONA!!!!

Get the fuck out of your east coast hell, and move to where the men are men and the sheep are nervous. If you dare.

And I am sure you don't.

9:35 PM  
Anonymous evil bunny said...

its not just NYC. its all over today. the damn television.
i have the same thing with the challenger disaster. i can't watch it. i get totally weird. i live where they built the cool b-2 bomber, stealth fighter and sr-71. for some strange reason i kept feeling like we were at ground zero should another attack happen.

i think the whole country feels like that.

but i'm only interested in some nice fluffy hugs. my other needs are met.
have a drink for me, girls!

9:36 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Tranny--

I spent some time in AZ. Got my skydiving license in Eloy. AZ is fucking gorgeous...only problem was I did too much meth out there.

9:46 PM  
Anonymous TrannyGranny said...

AB;

I will agree, meth is a HUGE problem in AZ. I, myself, was strung out on that shit for a few years, a long time ago now. Clean (of that shit) for over half a decade now. Desert and hard drugs, hand in hand. I am not saying it wasn't a rough upbringing, but it made me the Tranny I am today. (funnier if you know what I look like)

Eloy...oh if only I could tell you the stories I have that place. Neil, the Arch-Felon, miss you fucker.

Sky diving is cool, but, didja know I had a pilots license?

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Tranny said...

Living in "Moose Taint County", although I love it here, I miss my home state like you wouldn't believe. Although I can't go back.

10:03 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

Upstate New York, (Poughkeepsie) born and raised.
Left there (mid 70's) at 17 to join the USMC.
Haven't been back since.

I miss it terribly.

10:37 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

oh my fucking god gumboot... i went to Marist in Po-Town!!
Ever hang out at Cactus Club & Renny's???

6:34 AM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

biatcho- I couldn't do much bar-hopping, I was too young.
Cactus Club and Renny's were probably fields when I lived there.
It was thirty years ago.
I do remember Marist and Vasser college though.

6:55 AM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Tranny--Pilots license?! Sweet, you could take me up and let me jump outta yer plane...except you said HAD, which, knowing you, there is prolly a story to that.

Wally and B, small world, I got my BA at New Paltz!

9:45 AM  
Blogger biatcho said...

AB - No Pulse? Get the eff out of here? What years?

1:20 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

B--2002 to 2004.

Were you there?!

4:16 PM  
Blogger biatcho said...

i knew people who went there... but i was in poughkeepsie between '93 & '97...

5:54 AM  

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