SPANK CHEEKS

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

SPANK IT YOURSELF 9.12.06


It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when Paris' herpes flare-ups are more dependable than SHE is. (Yeeah!)

Lindsay Lohan exposes her firecrotch again. Be glad your monitor isn't scratch & sniff. (ICYDK)

Carmen Electra has metamorphasized into a troll doll. (thesuperficial)

Little Rudy Huxtible likes coke almost as much as I do. Ooops..did I say that out loud? (dlisted)

Brooke Shields likes “organic” snacks. Whole Foods got nothin’ on this. (IDLYITW)

Speaking of snacks…here’s an ad campaign that would make you sphincter pucker. Or not. Depends on how you roll. (cityrag)

70 Comments:

Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

Brooke was just tasting it.
She wasn't eating it.

12:20 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

Brooke's Booger Shack?

1:19 PM  
Blogger sonya said...

That's right, it doesn't count if you don't swallow. *Looks away and up, scratches neck*

1:20 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Everyone knows that this satyr-nymphette basically is an interwoven interspliced loop of mythopeia harvested from the gravid stockrooms of the BBC's antically antique 70's targeted at that uneasily neoclassical demographic class that already consumed more reruns before even chewing. This lonely and insomniac sub-culture found the invariant sameness of cross-circuited British B/W myhtic skits, nothing like the surreally cockney Niebelungs-- good reliable, hypnotic and delicious as the taste of sauteed clam lips, which traumitizes me as much as the image of my head rolling from a guillotine stating, "Did I leave the iron on?"

ninj.

1:54 PM  
Anonymous Hannoush said...

Kiiich Kich kiich
kiiich kich
kich kich kich
kich kich kich
kich kich

1:56 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

That's a half eaten McFlapp somebody carelessly discarded on the seat before Lohan got in.

Little Rudy Huxtible has some big chocolate titties.

Sho'nuff !!!

1:58 PM  
Anonymous Bimbo The Monkey said...

@('.')@


Shut up Hannoush, How do you think I feel being a camel fucking Arab!!! Shit.

Bimbo

1:59 PM  
Anonymous dr.rokter said...

Cock-Ninja.

You are cracking up!

Snap out of it.

Fuck fuckity fuck.

Oh shit, what's happening to me

Shit, piss, cunt, fucker, fuck, fuck, bend over I wanna fuck ya in the ass!!!!

Suck it bitch!!!!!

What is happening?

I'm turning into a hyper-sexual pervert!

Kill ME!!!

2:03 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

ninj, wasn't that the beginning of a Guns n Roses song??

2:03 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

The ceramic cranium developed for me by Japanese high-tech engineers to protect my brain is beginning to crack, so that really my watercolor dream of Neils Bohr is not a dream at all, but an aberrant pattern of quantum discharges generated by moisture seeping through the fissures of my glazed skull.

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Zanna said...

Ninja...we know what you've done in Moose-Taint. I saw you yesterday.

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Zanna, tell Jimmy that the ninja stole his duct-tape. I guarantee you the mess won't look near as bad as Lindsay's fireless crotch!

3:29 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

uhhh.........

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Dr.rokter said...

Dragulf:

Grab Zanna's arms and hold her down.

I need some ass bad.


ninj.

3:41 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Soon there will be myths about myths about myths, tv shows about tv shows about tv shows. Respected and glossy high art organs might even start inviting smartass little ironists to contemporize and miscengate popular mythos.

3:43 PM  
Anonymous dr.rokter said...

Beav.:

Thank God you are here!!!

Quick!! Take off your pants and bend over.

ninj

3:44 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Pop irony would put a happy-face- mask on a nation's terrible shamefaced hunger and need for genuine information, instead of being able to lie hidden and nourishing inside the wooden belly of a parodic platypus.

3:47 PM  
Anonymous hannoush said...

Kich Kich
kich kich kich
KICH KICH KICH!!!!

3:57 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Ninj
Dr.
Hann
Bimbo

You're fucking killing me here with all these names!

This can't be good for my multiple personality/schizophrenia/bi-polar/manic depressive/ADD/OCD/sex addict disorders :(

PS--naked and bent over....

4:00 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

O.K. kids, what did i miss?? Wasn't able to get on for a whole 24 hours -- what the hell??

Did I miss the conversation about favorite positions? Did I miss great sex talk? I need a fix, guys -- where's the orgy??

Love,
Twizz

4:01 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

O.K. kids, what did i miss?? Wasn't able to get on for a whole 24 hours -- what the hell??

Did I miss the conversation about favorite positions? Did I miss great sex talk? I need a fix, guys -- where's the orgy??

Love,
Twizz

4:01 PM  
Anonymous dr.rokter said...

Don't worry about it right now.

Just kinda... good, o.k., move a little bit to the... OH Yeah, Right there... just stay like that
for... OH Wow that's nice, Ooooo,
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH, OOOOOO
OH OH OH OH OH Yeah, Holy-fucking shit, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO))
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIEEEEEEEEE!!!!

*PHEW*

*Wipes dick on curtains*

You are a life-saver!!!

ninj.

4:05 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

Somebody please slap ninja acrossed the face like they do in the movies!!


I'm glad he's back in full regalia though.

4:05 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

O.k. Dr. Rokter/Ninj. Now you got nothin' left for me...

4:07 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

*slaps Ninj across face as in maaner of Cher in Moonstruck and says "snap out of it!" Then proceeds to suck him off while gently inserting index finger into his asshole*

Ok so maybe that last bit wasn't part of the movie but it should have been.

I wasn't here this afternoon either, I was spending some quality time with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ...and by that I mean masturbating with a crucifix.

4:14 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

Moonstruck! A classic, and AB, you do have a great scene there to insert. I agree, it would have made it an even better movie had we seen some oral sex.

(I had to tell a friend once to "snap out of it." And I did do oral sex right afterward, but on another guy -- not on my friend. How satisfying and demonic is that....)

4:19 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

***Comes to shaking head***



HEY!!!!!!

WHO THE FUCK SLAPPED ME!!!?

and, why does my ass-hole hurt.

and why is my dick all wet???


ninj

4:20 PM  
Anonymous Dr.rokter said...

*POOF*

4:25 PM  
Anonymous Bimbo the Monkey said...

*POOF*

4:26 PM  
Anonymous Hannoush said...

*POOF*

4:26 PM  
Blogger Zanna said...

Holy bejesus....it was like a tornado and just like that he was gone.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

ninj! ninj! You there?

Kneeling over and snapping fingers in front of face.

4:43 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Walrus,

Is it really you?

What happened?

ninj

4:51 PM  
Blogger Zanna said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:51 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Zanna:

Stop talking like I'm not in the room.

*Taps on shoulder*

Hello?

ninj

4:56 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Hey,

Where did Zanna go?

I could swear she was just standing right next to me and she said, "maybe he ran into the woods..."

What the fuck?

Walrus, what is going on here?

ninj.

4:59 PM  
Blogger Zanna said...

Don't act like you don't know what's going on, Ninja. You know what you did with the chickens.

5:02 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

ninj- Dude, you were talking in tongues and foaming at the mouth.

We're all here.

Auntie Em
Toto

all of us.

You gave us quite a scare!

5:07 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Zanna:

Ummmm... I have no... uh..
no...idea... ummm... chickens?

*********************8
Wally,

Maybe it was that 'mad dog' epidemic going around. *Looks fececiously at Zanna*
***********************

ninj

5:13 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

ninj, cruise on up to Moose Taint County USA and check out the carnage you caused!!

5:19 PM  
Blogger Zanna said...

Heeeeyyyy....I don't like it when you look at me with feces in your eyes.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Ladies, meet Brian...

5:33 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

AB, is he your current steady??

He's better looking than me.

5:37 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Wally I wouldn't say "steady", I don't do manogomy, managamy, see I can't even spell it let alone do it!

5:45 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Walrus,

Appearantly while I was hallucinating I kicked the fuck out of a negro. Cool.

ninj

5:48 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

Beav.

That's peculiar, because I heard rumors that he was snipered in central park earlier today.

hmmmm?

Bizaare shit going on today.

ninj.

5:52 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

God damn it Ninj, that pic of me and my gun was for your eyes only!

5:54 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

I didn't say it was you, I just said I heard he was shot. ummm... *accidentally steps on own dick*

__________________

also:

When you think 'mono', think one, or like mono y mono, ya know one on one, and 'gamy' like how your beaver smells after a two hour jog (the way you know I like to eat it), or come up behind you when you are cooking bunny rabbit (to keep the game theme) without any pants on and I stick it in your ass, ergo you have monogamy, which is fun, but now as fun as like Walrus joining in mid pump, and we both give ya the Double Dutch!!!
********************

snuggly wuggly's

ninj

6:04 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

ninj, I think that negro was Daein Vitelli.

6:06 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

... but not as fun ...

not, but now as fun. <---wrong

nothing like a typo during a pseudo-spelling lesson.

ninj.

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Tranny said...

Wow.

6:08 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Actually Ninj, I'm in the mood for some DVDA...

6:11 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

ninj, I'm not sure what your definition of Double Dutch is, but if your doing the rear input, I'm up front.

Remember, NO BUMPING DICKS for this cowboy!

6:11 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Wally its ok, bumping dicks isn't gay. Its only gay if you kiss.

6:12 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

beav: I'm sorry I used your pic.

I'm sure this one is more appropriate given the way I feel right now.

ninj

-------------------->

6:14 PM  
Blogger cock-ninja said...

You might just feel it a bit through the pereneum, but it's all good, Wumbles.


ninj.

6:17 PM  
Anonymous walrus gumboot said...

AB, It's okay if two girls kiss...
my mommys told me so!!


ninj, through the pereneum...
that okay.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Ninj you are NOT an asswipe, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, now get over here and do me.

PS-WWJD??

6:24 PM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

Jeebus, Mary and Guiseppe...

I am missin' out on all the fun...

ninj, I need help putting the avatars on my blog. Basically I am retarded, but I can suck dick just like Zanna.

True story.

7:27 PM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

*covers eyes and goes to hide in the corner with a bottle of rum*

What in the hell have you guys (especially Ninja, holymotherfuckinghell) been smoking today?!

7:30 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Jane, I'm dumb as a rock but I'm a fucking rocket in bed, so if I can figure out the avatar you can...

just go into edit profile
and where it says insert photo url, insert the url
then update profile

;)

7:32 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

I can't edit my profile for some reason, damn it.

9:11 PM  
Blogger Zanna said...

ladyjane...

I can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch and kick back with a beer.

9:19 PM  
Blogger twzzlrgirl said...

O.k., now I did it!! I'm not as computer illiterate as I thought I was.

:) Night all,
Twizz

9:30 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

This was like watching "Sybil Does Dallas." Does anybody need a fluffer? Or some lithium?

I told you guys Zanna would kick ass! Now line up; bend over like you're supposed to.

Thanks, litelysalted and sonya, for hitting me up over at yeeeah! xoxo

10:28 PM  
Blogger spankcheeks said...

Also Tranny Granny. I LOVE YOU BASTARDS!! I knew you would come. I just knew it.

7:13 AM  
Blogger LadyJane said...

It won't fucking let me...

I've tried and tried, and, Oh god, it's hopeless. Well, all you cool folks with the awesome kompootur knowledge can snicker at my avatar-less comments.

sniff.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Jane

Are you signed in? you can't edit your profile if you aren't signed in

Also, if the url address is too long, it doesn't let you either, try a picture w a very short url address.

9:55 AM  
Blogger ApacheRose said...

Posting just 'cuz I wanna be #69.

I'm big into that numerology stuff, yanno.

11:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://passionxchange.co.uk/view_video.php?viewkey=fc522773286a895bc843

6:44 PM  

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