SPANK CHEEKS

Sunday, October 29, 2006

FIRECROTCH NEEDS AN INTERVENTION

There are a couple of stories about Lindsay Lohan today that have caught my eye. One where she claimed she was laying there “screaming and screaming” and that she had a swollen liver, etc…..and how she learned from it. In an interview with News of the World she is quoted as saying:

"I feel like I've lived five lifetimes and I am only 20," she says in one of the most searingly frank interviews ever given by a Hollywood A-lister.

"You have to hit rock bottom sometimes to get yourself back to the top."

……"I lay there screaming, throwing things, because the pains were so intense in my head and my liver. In the end I didn't even have the strength to take a shower," says the actress and pop singer.

"It was terrifying. But going through s*** makes me that much stronger."
Well, nice TRY Lindsay. I’m sure, like most addicts, you feel like you have control over your problem. And then something like this happens. TMZ ran an exclusive today:

At 6:45 am, a TMZ spy spotted Lindsay at Olive and Sunset in Hollywood, near a dog park. Lindsay was sitting in her parked black Cadillac Escalade and our spy, who was walking his dog, could see Lohan through the tinted windows, "freaking out" and talking on her phone.

Then, Lohan called our spy over and told him that two men in a silver Toyota 4Runner -- parked behind her -- had been following her for the last two hours, trying to "hit" her vehicle. Our spy reports that "she seemed out of it," that it appeared she'd been out all night, and that she'd clearly been crying, with mascara running down her face. "I've called the cops," said Lindsay of her alleged pursuers. "But the cops can't catch them."

What Lindsay didn't even realize in her reduced state was that the two men in the Toyota were actually paparazzi. Our spy saw them snapping away. And, he says, as their vehicle started to creep up on Lindsay's Escalade, she shifted into drive, hit the gas and took off. The paparazzi followed her.
Look, I’m just as guilty as following and tormenting people who don’t deserve it as these paparazzi are. Personally, I like to tailgate kids with the big signs that say STUDENT DRIVER. And I’m not happy until they are crying and trying to make a three point turn while I’m laying on the horn and calling them names.

But I digress. My point is, this girl needs and intervention and needs it quick. I’d make fun of her, but in my day, I’ve known too many people with addictions to know this is going nowhere good.

5 Comments:

Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Man, I can totally understand where Lindsay is coming from.

Because I'm crazy, outta my mind, bonkers!!!!!!!!!!


Certifiable maybe even???


"Heavens to murg-a-troid, exit stage left"!

P.S. No I'm NOT back.

4:26 PM  
Anonymous miszanna said...

Why don't you love me anymore. :(

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Since WHEN is this crazy bitch an A-lister actress? Muahaha! That's the weirdest part of this story.

8:07 PM  
Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

I'd be more likely to feel sorry for her if she wasn't always doing coke and partying with her breasts hanging out. That kind of behavior just makes me want to touch her breasts.

10:05 AM  
Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

P.S. I'm pretty sure she smells like hippie asshole 99% of the time.

10:06 AM  

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