SPANK CHEEKS

Monday, November 27, 2006

CRUISE ADMITS TO BEING AN EMOTIONAL EATER

You all thought I was making it up. And I don’t like to say I told you so. But I fucking told you so! Tom Cruise had to admit he was a “nervous eater” as he forces Giorgio Armani to design a girdled tuxedo for his wedding. Nice. Janet Charlton reports:
Tom was wearing a GIRDLE under his tuxedo at his wedding! In case you haven't noticed, Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he's a "nervous eater." And he's had a lot to be nervous about - his exit from Paramount and his high octane marriage.

When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear that Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom's pants were let out and various details were adjusted. Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn't protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom's midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom's undergarment. Everyone was sworn to secrecy, but those Armani employees love to gossip, and are we grateful for THAT!
There is a certain humility that comes with Giorgio Armani apologizing to you for your tux being too small; instead of blaming Tom for eating his way out of his wedding garb. But I suppose the “apology” really isn’t an apology when they turn around and suggest that they sew in a fucking GIRDLE into your suit. That’s akin to the manzier. A contraption, in which, I hoped was a fallacy.

This is all well and good for Tom since he wants Katie to be the man. But think of Kate. It was bad enough she had to crouch for her wedding pictures. I can only imagine how Kate was feeling as she donned her L. Ron Hubbard Mask and watched him slink out of that sexy number. I'm going to go with a combo platter of nausea and suicidal.

40 Comments:

Anonymous sonya said...

God, this is the best thing I've read today.

3:31 PM  
Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

There's only one thing gayer than a man who's an "emotional eater": manorexia.

3:41 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Do you think Giorgio Armani fondled Tommy's balls during the fitting?

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Anonymous bionic bunny! said...

anybody remember how he had HER working out because he was concerned about her post-pregnancy weight?
what a freak.
manorexia. good one, oshie.

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Anonymous mf said...

seriously, sucking armani's dick would have been LESS gay than this

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