FREE PORN!

That got your attention didn’t it? Well, don’t be too excited. It’s just Britney Spears trying to beat Fed-Ex to the punch by giving away a digitally enhanced version of the 4 hour honeymoon tape. E-Canada reports:

Sources close to Spears report she is “seriously thinking about” giving away a digitally re-mastered copy of the four-hour long sex video.

During a visit to Burger Basket with her two sons, Sean Preston and Jayen James spears said she may just post a clip of the video on MySpace.

“Brit figures she’ll beat that sucker to the punch, just like she did by giving away pictures of Jayden James,” said Spears family friend Nyla Price, 55, the owner of Nyla’s Burger Basket.

“Half of nuthin’ is nuthin’, and that’s what her lying skunk of a husband will get if she gives that video away before he can find some sleazeball to buy it.”

Burger Basket? Give me a break, everyone knows all worthwhile epiphanies are over a Chalupa at Taco Bell.

Anyway, it was reported that in this tape, they played an odd game of chess. Which, I’m pretty certain goes like this. And it’s going to be free. And digitally enhanced. And while you are furiously masturbating over just that fact alone, somewhere, K-Fed will be clutching the original version to his chest and rocking back and forth in a Greyhound terminal.