SPANK CHEEKS

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

SOMEONE....HOLD ME

I’m scared. I’m serious. Do you know how hard it is to type when you are rocking back and forth trying to give yourself some semblance of comfort?

I heard reports that LaToya Jackson got a new face. So Zanna went a-reasearchin’ and she did find, uh-huh. I then promptly damned Al Gore to Hell for inventing the internet. Because I came across the picture of her new face…and then I looked down at her stomach; and all I can think of is that skin on the top of chocolate pudding. And I HATE her for making me not like chocolate pudding.

Then, I read this article about Michael Jackson, and how he came out to his balcony to satiate his zombie-fans in London and all I can focus on is his hand with the brown fingernails and I don’t know what I’m thinking. I know what I’m feeling… It’s nausea. The underside of my tongue is getting tight feeling and it’s starting to water like I’m going to vomit just to purge whatever it is that has gripped my soul and filled me with fear and loathing Oh wait, I do know what I'm thinking. It's, 'PUT THE GLOVE BACK ON YOU FREAK.


At this very moment, I hate the Jacksons and I hate Al Gore. And fuck you, sweet, sweet internet. I wish I knew how to quit you.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Dragulf said...

Aha, now we know whom Tara Reid recommended her plastic surgeon to.

MJ's nails are brown from him keeping them up his anus. Well, his own that we can prove in court.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Italian Stallion said...

I thought they were brown from digging underground caves with his hands. You know, to hide children. Pretty scary, huh? This white African is a fucked up individual...........

10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2:18 PM  
Blogger Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

I thought Michael an LaToya were the same people?

That's gross. Seriously. Its grandma skin.

5:04 PM  
Blogger gossip girl said...

eeeeewww, that is so gross! I am gonna puke! Does Letoya actually think that she looks good??

2:48 AM  

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