SPANK CHEEKS

Monday, December 18, 2006

VINCENT GALLO LIVES IN LA LA LAND

You know that place where clouds are made of marshmallows and unicorns run in herds and fly over rainbows? No? It’s called La-La Land and Vincent Gallo lives there. D-listed reports:

A few months ago piece of grease, Vincent Gallo, offered himself for $50,000. He considered this a bargain, because he’s so hot. Well…he’s now upped his price even though nobody took advantage of this deal of a lifetime. He’s now offering himself for $100,000 plus expenses.

He said, “Heavy-set, older red-heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way, José.”

Vincent also advised women interested in this deal to watch his film “The Brown Bunny” where he shows his wang to make sure they can take his girth. In the movie Vincent famously gets serviced by Chloe Sevigny. Dumb ho even swallows his load like the used trash can she is. Click here to see Vincent’s amazing man meat. It’s as appetizing as a rotted Vienna sausage.
Nice analogy. I looked at the pictures and I’m not impressed. But anyone who is that cocky (no pun intended, well, yea it was) would turn me off anyway, I wouldn’t care what they’re packing. Not only that - take it from me., the ones who brag about how good they are, never ever are. Those are the very guys who get offended when you say afterwards, "Yea...that was the greatest minute and thirty seconds ever..."

69 Comments:

Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

At least he'll do blacks chicks for a price! <--- That wasn't meant to sound racist!!!

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Dragulf said...

Hellfire! Girls, you don't even have to pay me! I am free! I might be smaller than the "rotten Vienna sausage" but I won't charge you a penny!

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Blogger Zanna said...

Dragulf, I'd do you just because you use the word "Hellfire"

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Blogger spankcheeks said...

I wouldn't fuck him with a bag of a hundred vaginas.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Italian Stallion said...

Why does that picture remind me of Wally after a blogger incident?

10:39 AM  
Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

Chloe Sevigny isn't a whore, she's just doing what all actresses in Hollywood do except she does it, artistically, IN the movie, in addition to at the casting and under the desk and behind the dumpster and in the back of the Mercedes and on a bench at the park and behind the tool shed and on the putting green and on Elvis' grave and on top of the Eiffel Tower and in the History Museum and under the bleachers at the Astrodome and upside down in a crop duster and in a jungle gym at Chuck E. Cheese.

10:49 AM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Stallion, that dude looks calm compared to way I look and feel after a Blogger.com incident.

10:59 AM  
Blogger p0nk said...

as long as he doesn't live in my neighborhood.

11:58 AM  
Blogger p0nk said...

as long as he doesn't live in my neighborhood.

12:01 PM  
Blogger p0nk said...

La La Land whatever, just so long as it isn't my neighborhood or the "brown bunny" would soon be buried in a vacant lot.

12:04 PM  
Blogger p0nk said...

La La Land whatever, just so long as it isn't my neighborhood or the "brown bunny" would soon be buried in a vacant lot.

12:08 PM  
Blogger p0nk said...

fucking blogger.com

12:10 PM  
Blogger Italian Stallion said...

LOL @ pOnk, we heard you the first time, and the second, and the............

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to admit that the idea of some kid from CT starring in a low-budget film where she blows the lead character (who also just happens to be the director, producer and a camera man on the film) just cracks me up.

I can just see the discussions of "art" and "what would you do for your art?" going back and forth between them.

Then the filming. "Chloe, this is the scene where you suck my cock and it would be best if you swallowed. Gino! Come here and take my camera because I think the 90-degree-from-the-top angle will be too porn-like..."

They are both assholes and idiots but at least he got a BJ. Can't begrudge a guy that.


Pete M. New York, NY

10:37 PM  
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pOnk - You should try Xanga.com... There's nary a problem over there. Hahahaha!

http://www.xanga.com/

10:56 PM  
Blogger Zanna said...

Pete from New York....

You seem to know alot about this "what would you do for art" tete-et-tet

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