SPANK CHEEKS

Thursday, January 04, 2007

KID ROCK IS IN THE AMALGAMATION STAGE

Kid Rock has proved my theory that there are not 5 but 6 stages of grief. Page Six reports:
KID Rock wanted to ring in the New Year with a fist to Tommy Lee's face - but he beat up a door at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas, instead. "Kid is divorcing Pam Anderson, but he heard [her ex] Tommy was hooking up with her, and got all riled up," our source said. "So he went over at 6 a.m. with two bodyguards, and began kicking down what he thought was Tommy's door. Only it wasn't - and Kid found himself staring at some poor, startled family. He signed an autograph for them as security arrived, then bolted over to the Paradise strip club." Bloodshed was avoided, but Lee - in Vegas to play The Joint with his band, Rock Star Supernova - should watch his back. "Tommy has been calling Kid Rock and taunting him about Pam, and Kid Rock was ready to kick some serious ass," a source said. Lee's rep told us, "Tommy is aware that this incident occurred, but wasn't at the time as he was staying on another floor." Rock's flack didn't get back to us.
They say there are 5 stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I’ve watched the stages of grief and I’ve been through the stages of grief. And I personally feel there is a stage missing called the “amalgamation stage” where you experience any combination of two to five stages simultaneously. What we are looking at is Kid Rock in the amalgamation stage. You see, he was angry about the Tommy Lee thing (and frankly, I don’t know if he’s just mad at Tommy for having a bigger dick than him because why is he fighting over THIS?), but I digress.

Anyway, he’s angry…then he goes up to Tommy’s room to “bargain” - because in his mind, if you threaten someone hard enough, you’ll get your way. If that works, you can keep the denial stage alive and hope upon hopes that you’ll get your bag of Hep-C back. After meeting the other family however, I believe we went back into “bargaining” (please don’t call the cops here is my autograph) to depression (no one is ever going to love me….PAAAAAAAAM).and then to Acceptance (fuck it, let’s go to the strip club)

6 Comments:

Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

So your saying he had all 6 stages in a matter of 5 minutes?

Nice.


P.S. Digression is cool.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Italian Stallion said...

Wow, what a fucking retard. if he still wants her why the divorce? I guess that could be said for Tommy also. My question is, why do they want her at all? I means seriously, is there a shortage of chicks with Hep C and fake titties? I say they both are losers, but we already knew that. I just don't get it, that's all. I gotta find me a girl with Hep C. They must be killer in bed.............
(pun intended)

10:02 AM  
Blogger p0nk said...

wtf is billy gibbons from zz top doing with this jackass?

11:16 AM  
Blogger oshkoshb-goshdammgosh said...

This reminds me of the time Brad Pitt came banging on our door at four in the morning. We were all sitting around the fire sipping some cocoa when here comes this sweaty, drunk, perfectly chiseled Brad screaming something about Juliette Lewis and the mascot for the Atlanta Braves. Once my parents calmed him down with some cocoa and price negotiations, I regaled him with my Polly Pocket which I had recently received for my 10th birthday. Then my parents set him up a palate in the basement, being the kindly hippies that they are. And that is how I lost my virginity.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Walrus Gumboot said...

Oshy - That story sounds strangely true.

2:40 PM  
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6:04 AM  

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